What kind of experience is "baby addiction"?
Guo Shiwei, who lives in Tamsui, Taiwan, is a 39-year-old full-time wife who has a total of six children.
The children's grandparents advised them not to give birth.
It was also the biggest pressure she and her husband faced.
The in-laws are worried that their future financial burden will be very heavy: several children are only one or two years apart, what to do after going to college? Is it necessary to let the child bear a debt before he leaves society?
Guo Shiwei's in-laws
But for the children's father, Hongxun, he is more worried about the problem of the car than the children grow up. He smiled and said that if there was another one, the 7-seater car could not sit down, and could only change to a minibus.
That being said, it's really possible for them to "regenerate one."
Having 6 children, not too much, where does this determination and self-confidence come from?
1
The five children have different personalities
But all warm and independent
Guo Shiwei is the well-deserved core figure of this family of 7.
The five children in the family are generous to all of them, and each has his own personality characteristics. In the words of her mother-in-law: "The children are very well-behaved, and she teaches very well." ”
Pan Xin, the eldest sister with neat short hair, is ten years old this year, and she is a big ghost and has the style of a big sister.
She began practicing the piano at the age of four. It has won quite a few awards.
She loves to help her mother with housework. "Because I like to get things clean and comfortable."
The third child, Pei Xuan, died early three months after birth, but he has been living in the hearts of the family. When someone asks the children, "How many brothers and sisters do you have in your family?" At that time, everyone would count Pei Xuan in it and reply that there were "6".
The reason why Guo Shiwei and his wife chose to have so many children is also related to Pei Wei's early death.
2
So many children
How did she get so well raised?
The mother-in-law's statement that "she is very good at teaching children" is not "vain".
At home, she is also a "baby nurse", a "cook", or a "teacher".
She taught the children's homework herself, math, English, and her own. Sometimes while cooking, while teaching, give enough "words" and "body teaching".
She also works as a "dispute mediator."
The second sister snatched the fifth brother's things and came to complain to her mother, and she gently and firmly taught her brother to express her feelings: "Sister, I don't like it when you snatch my things." "Also let the sister and brother apologize."
Gradually, the child herself can express her feelings, solve the problems in the conflict, do not have to be wronged by one party, and everything must come to her to decide.
There are 5 children in the family, presumably there must be a lot of housework, but she is not so worried.
Because when the child reaches the age of 4, she will let the child do housework and save pocket money.
She was asked, is there any way to get her child to volunteer to do housework?
She said that when children are willing and able to do it, they should be allowed to do it, and don't care if they do it perfectly.
On this day, she took her children to the mall and used the pocket money she had saved to select stationery.
For stationery that you like but can afford more than you can afford, you will distinguish between what you need and what you want.
If you like it, but don't need it, just give it up.
If you really like and need it, the sisters will sometimes take the initiative to "subsidize each other".
Letting children learn to pay, harvest gratitude, know that they are always loved and become independent, may be the secret of Guo Shiwei to make herself a little more relaxed to the greatest extent.
Occasionally, the family is playing outdoors, the husband's help to take care of it, and the fun of nature, so that Guo Shiwei does not have to be like at home, always busy answering the children's questions: "Mom, what to do next", she is happy to let go, but also more relaxed.
Sometimes, Shi Wei even has time to relax in a nearby favorite café and spend an afternoon that loves herself.
The husband protects the family, she protects the children
However, the fact that Shi Wei is very good at raising children is not enough to be a reason for them to be willing to have children one by one.
One of the reasons why The Shi Wei couple are willing to have so many children, the child is the crystallization of her and her husband's love, and his husband is also her biggest backing.
Even if the parents are almost opposed to the pressure, they continue to insist, share the decision, and even have great intentions of having another child.
The husband's original family, very happy, from childhood, he watched his parents support each other, jointly cultivated their brothers and sisters, giving him a great sense of security. Also gave him a good model.
And Guo Shiwei's original family can be said to be scarred.
She was fostered in a nanny's house and only lived with her mother in the second grade of elementary school. Because of the lack of family affection since childhood, she quarreled with her mother continuously.
In high school, I knew I was an illegitimate daughter. The mother did not enter into a marriage relationship with anyone else in her lifetime.
"I may not be able to understand your feelings very well, but I am willing to accompany you and keep going in the days to come."
Because of this confession, she decided to try it and was willing to "gamble".
Luckily, they all gambled "win".
After getting married, they lived a model of "male outside the female lead", but the division of labor was clear, but they also complemented each other.
Hongxun is a real estate agent who comes to Taiwan and is the main source of income for his family.
But in the company of children, he also tried to achieve a balance.
This also allows Shi Wei to continue her work of "gentle birth attendant" in addition to running the housework.
In this job, as long as there is an appointment for the mother to give birth, she will be on standby 24 hours a day to accompany the birth.
Her 6 children were also born "gently and productively" in a home-like atmosphere.
Ten years after marriage, Hongxun recreates the marriage scene that the children have never seen before: "The next road, are you willing to continue to accompany me?" ”
Shi Wei replied, "Do I still have a choice?" It's all 6. ”
3
Her "Inner Child"
He was once used by two "mothers" who are not related by blood
Hold on steadily
As I said before, Shi Wei's relationship with her mother is not good.
A few months after she was born, she was "thrown" to the nanny.
She has two mothers: one is the mother who "gave birth" to her, and the other is the mother who "raised" her, her nanny.
Since she was a child, she loved to eat chicken loin, and the nanny would go to the market every morning to buy chicken loin for her, and regarded her as more dear than her own daughter.
And Guo Shiwei also feels without exaggeration that when she was a child, the nanny was her mother.
On the eve of the college entrance examination, she and her biological mother broke out into a fierce quarrel, ran away from home, and the nanny's eldest daughter accepted her and gave her a place to live.
She was admitted to college, but she had no money to pay the tuition, she was confused and helpless, and the next morning, her brother-in-law handed her the payment slip for the tuition fee, and the gratitude was beyond words.
She was unconditionally accepted by the nanny's family.
When a stranger who is not related by blood can give you a nurturing affection that even your birth mother can't do, the touch, shock, and nourishment will be multiplied.
This made her know that she was not a superfluous child, but a child that someone cared for. This feeling of being caught steadily laid the foundation for her great sense of security.
At the same time, this experience changed her concept of fertility and learned that "raising children is bigger than having children":
"When I grew up, I knew that my biological mother had her pain, or her hardship, but to be honest with the child, it was very simple, that is, you spent more time with her, the effort you put into her, the tears you shed for her, the smile you smiled for her, you will also be moved, in fact, this relationship will be very deep, so I decided at that time, I have a child, I must take the child myself." I definitely don't ask a babysitter to bring it, because I know that raising is bigger than sheng. ”
This affection from the nanny's family makes her cherish the connection with her children even more.
The reason she had so many children also came from her third child, who died prematurely.
Old Sanpei, at the age of 40 days, suddenly stopped breathing and heartbeat. He died a month later, living only 3 months on earth.
At that time, the mother-in-law rushed to the hospital for the first time, and in the face of the self-blaming daughter-in-law, the mother-in-law hugged her and said, "It's not your fault." The father-in-law kept shaking his head and saying, "No. ”
This made her feel once again the feeling of being steadily caught and comforted.
Then she realized, "They really thought of me as their own child." ”
Her husband felt the same way as she did, grateful for her parents' lack of blame and comfort when the third elder died.
The loss of her child made her cherish her living child even more.
After experiencing the pain of losing a child, they deeply understood that it was grace that children could breathe, that it was grace to cry, and that it was grace to cry.
The 10-month-old sixth, crying made her very happy, which reminded her of the scene when the third was in a coma in the hospital. At the time, how she wished he could make a sound.
A room of noisy and beautiful siblings, to a certain extent, to make up for the trauma of the couple's loss of the third. Expectations for children are very low, as long as they live well and healthily.
Write at the end:
Those who are not related by blood, when her heart is subjected to major crises and faces the danger of brokenness, carefully helps her "stitch" up one by one, helping her to become a complete and secure self.
In this way, she has the ability to assume the identity of "mother".
Because they once lost, they worked harder to create.
In the company of her husband, the relationship between her and her mother also began to slowly become softer.
It turns out that a happy nuclear family can really heal their original family and help one child to become a complete, secure adult.