In the past few days, Gu Ailing has become a phenomenon-level event, and everyone is happy to discuss her family lineage, growth experience, and also summarize Gu's mother's parenting experience.
As part of her private life surfaced, there were many comments that "Gu Ailing-style parenting" was something that our ordinary family could not afford.
Yes, ask yourself that you don't have a Harvard Stanford resume, don't have such "solid" family conditions, is this really what we can learn?
1
Education and financial management
This questioning pattern is interesting because I think of myself two years ago.
At that time, I had just begun to learn a little about the concept of financial management (my first financial business enlightenment book was "Puppy Money Money", which was recommended to everyone before, and I had the honor of having an interview with the author to revisit the blue characters).
Whenever I heard someone talk to me about the concept of financial management, my first question was, but I didn't have as much money as you? Are all of this you saying relevant to me? Isn't it precisely because you have this first amount of money that you can make the money roll?
I have asked countless wealthy and business-minded celebrities this question, and almost everyone has a similar answer: the essence of poverty is not because of money, but because of the mode of thinking. You need to change your mindset before you can get closer to what you have in mind.
I read a few fortune books, listened to the sharing of the big guys of wealth freedom a few times, and of course I can't get rich. But looking back on my own experience in the past two years, I began to deliberately change my thinking mode, and indeed found that my accumulation was growing.
Back to the "Gu Ailing parenting" is the same logic, not to see some of The sharing of Gu's mother, and even to summarize out of context, we can cultivate children like "Gu Ailing".
After all, the parent is not the parent, the child is not the child.
If we can really "non-utilitarian" to understand Gu Ailing's growth experience, strip out some of the underlying logic.
Then even if we can't cultivate a second "Gu Ailing" (in fact, we don't have to do this), but I believe that our pattern in parenting will expand a little, think a little deeper, and see a little more thoroughly, so that is enough.
Regarding Mother Gu's parenting experience, for example, "Don't ask the child to go to Stanford, don't correct her typos, praise the process without exaggerating the results", "sleep more", etc., I don't want to repeat it, I believe you are tired of watching it these days.
After watching some of Gu Ailing's documentaries, I actually have a personal experience that raising children should be "sweet first and then bitter".
There are two meanings in this.
2
Love first and then standard
Gu Ailing's skiing is not deliberately cultivated by her mother, but her own love.
At that time, when she was young, she was determined to learn to ski, and Gu's mother also faced a lot of doubts, is skiing helpful for grades?
There is a detail that everyone may have overlooked, in order to support this love of her daughter, Gu's mother insisted on driving 4 hours a way every weekend to send her daughter to training for more than ten years.
Gu Ailing as a child
Leaving aside the economic investment, ask yourself, in the face of a child who has nothing to do with learning, and even delays the interest in learning, can we support and adhere unconditionally?
Everyone is talking about Gu Ailing's self-discipline, and I always believe that the soil of self-discipline is love.
Love, in the final analysis, is to make children responsible for their own lives, and only "responsible" can make decisions for the "future".
This is the soil of the "ability to learn" that I often refer to. It is actually the most critical part of education, but it is often overlooked.
We are always anxious to pursue "blossoming", but we have never thought about the "soil" problem. The early family environment is to get the soil right, the soil is good, and the "blossoming and fruiting" behind it is the child's own business.
So where does good soil come from? money? parents? teacher? Chicken babies? cram school?
None of them, but to provide an environment, to let children experience love as soon as possible, and to let children experience the ultimate state of doing things.
Many parents are sad when they mention supporting their children's love, which means that their children's love is "not good enough".
First of all, we think that the "bad" we think may be outdated in definition, and 80% of the future occupations of children in elementary school are not currently available.
When Gu Ailing's mother unconditionally supported her daughter's love more than a decade ago, she never thought that skiing was so popular now, didn't she?
Taking ten thousand steps back, look at Gu's mother, she actually had requirements for Gu Ailing's studies later, but when she began to "add weight" to Gu Ailing from junior high school, Gu Ailing was ready to be supported because of her love.
Her focus, sense of purpose, hard work, all-out effort, enjoyment of the process, including energy, physical strength and brain are ready, then these soft power and hardware conditions, can give her the ability to face the later "weight".
But in real life, most parents are the other way around.
In elementary school, even before school age, I began to pay attention to academic performance and forced to do homework. By the third grade, most parents are already lying flat, feeling that their children can't force it, and they are tired and panicked.
Ever wondered why?
The opposite of self-discipline is not lying flat, but other discipline.
A child has not experienced love since childhood, is in charge of his own decisions, is unconditionally supported, but is always in a state of persecution, management, and demand, and his soil is barren.
When I was young, I relied on patience, and every time I accumulated "patience", I made this soil of "living for myself, being responsible for myself, and being positive" more and more barren.
It can be seen that our traditional sense of "first bitter and then sweet" may not be suitable for children's education.
On the contrary, we need to let children experience the "sweetness" of life, the "sweetness" of learning, and the "sweetness" of hobbies when the cost of trial and error is not high when the child is young.
Let them taste the sweetness, prepare the soil of soft power, many qualities are transferable, but this point, we always forget because of "utilitarianism".
This is the first meaning of "first sweet and then bitter", first cultivate love, and then talk about standards.
3
Process before result
Seeing this, some friends may have to say, is it not that I don't want children to be "sweet", but when I am studying, can I really not care about my grades at all? What if the "sweetness is too much", when the autumn is settled?
Don't misunderstand, even if Mother Gu said that she didn't need to go to Stanford and didn't have to take 100 points, but all the time Mother Gu had requirements for Gu Ailing.
It's just that Mother Gu pays attention to the process first and then the result, although she didn't hear her mention it, but I believe that she is a very "growth mindset" person.
She doesn't care so much about "outcome metrics," but she cares so much about "process metrics."
Gu Ailing once shared a sentence that her mother said to her since she was a child, failure is not terrible, what is terrible is the fear of failure, the fear of trying.
Like this Winter Olympics, she can also try the "two weeks of front flip plus four weeks of rotation" in the final (this 1620, which is really too powerful) in the final.
It just shows that for her, the result is important, but the process of challenging herself and breaking through herself is more important.
So, don't blindly say how to improve the child's resistance, first ask yourself, the information you pass on to your child in your daily life is emphasizing the process or the result?
Another small detail that everyone may not have paid attention to, Gu Ailing has always had the habit of keeping a training diary.
Through her diary review and reflection, she knows herself better and makes herself do better next time, which not only gives her a sense of purpose, but also cultivates her mentality.
So you see, Mother Gu seems to be understated "no full score", but there is great wisdom behind it, and her "no requirement" is exactly the "highest requirement".
After all, if one can keep oneself in constant competition with one's past, then "lifelong growth" is not an empty phrase.
As Gu Ailing later shared, "If you care too much about the result, the result often doesn't come." If you focus on the process, the results will eventually come."
And did you find that? When we emphasize the process rather than the result, the child also feels "sweet".
Why do some children's initial love slowly become uninterested or even hateful?
It is because when we discover the love of children, our utilitarian spirit is ignited, and we begin to have goals, results, examinations, and comparisons with others.
The child originally enjoyed the process purely, and became extremely stressed by our human intervention, and love is no longer a process of enjoyment, comparing himself with himself, but becoming a tool for parents to "show off" and "goal-oriented".
No matter how much love is extinguished, even if it is not extinguished, the child's limited energy cannot be fully invested, after all, there are too many interference factors.
This is the second meaning of "first sweet and then bitter", first emphasize the process, enjoy the process, and the result will keep up with itself.
4
Write at the end
The last few words are not directly related to Gu Ailing, but they are my words.
I've been studying early childhood education for 7 years now, and at first I liked to "stand in line", which is better, PET or positive discipline? Which is better, Montessori or Reggio Emilia? Always think about which idea is right and which is wrong.
Later, after learning more, you will find that our family education does not need to argue about right and wrong, but choose what is right for you in the moment.
Returning to the "Gu Ailing phenomenon" is the same, if you read a few articles or think that my family is not as rich as his family, I am not as good as her mother, and what her mother said is not the whole truth.
Then stop here and don't look any further.
There is no need to study her family background and pull out someone else's father to prove that this is "wrong". Everyone has their own cognitive bandwidth and cognitive barriers, and that just means that the story isn't useful to you.
Just let it go and choose something useful to you, after all, the "right and wrong" life they live by themselves, and our time and energy are precious.
Look at other people's stories and grow your own insights, rather than increase your own anxiety.
In the final analysis, education is the embodiment of each family's personal choice, the output of the three views and the mode of thinking.
Big J nagged
Gu Ailing's topic originally did not want to write, because I really felt that the whole network was writing in the past two days. But yesterday's tweet "By the daughter's blessing "pierced the heart", I found a code that is not anxious", the voice of everyone's message is very high.
I've always said that friends who follow my public name are like my girlfriends, and I take my friends' requests seriously. Yesterday I was thinking, since I wrote it, I don't want to take a little more content that the whole network has, "scare" everyone.
I hope that today's article can stand everyone's wait, although hasty, but it is indeed the integration of my thinking throughout the day, and it is absolutely sincere.
By the way, yesterday when I was thinking about this article, I also took a video, which was casually said, and the comparison article was not complete enough, but there were two real people and real events of my friends, which may also inspire everyone.
After the video was sent last night, I received a message like this:
Indeed, the philosophy I followed, the educational foundation of things has not changed. If you have a lot of questions after reading this article, you may wish to take a look at some of the old articles below.
I feel inspired by the article
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