In "Country Love", although the marriage of Wang Dana and Yang Xiaoyan, a "old man and young wife", has gained the envy and blessing of many people, to be honest, we do not feel much happiness and sweetness from it, but are full of various frictions, conflicts and suspicions between them, which is very exhausting.
In the latest "Xiang Ai 14", Wang Dana even filed for divorce with Yang Xiaoyan, and the reason for the divorce was because of Lao Hu. For this situation, everyone's opinions are also different, some people say that Wang Dana is a bit "doing", and some people say that Yang Xiaoyan lacks measure.
The right and wrong of this is actually difficult to say as an outsider. But one thing is for sure, the fundamental reason why they have come to this point is the lack of empathy in their marriage.
Why?
First of all, Wang Dana has always been more resistant to Yang Xiaoyan going out to work.
Since the appearance of Lao Hu, Wang Dana, although he was superficially calm, was actually very uneasy, and he was afraid that there would be an emotional relationship between Yang Xiaoyan and Lao Hu, so he thought of a way to simply transfer the water plant to Lao Hu, so that Yang Xiaoyan could naturally leave the water plant.
What Wang Dana said to Lao Hu was that he and Yang Xiaoyan had reached this age and wanted to live quietly for a few days. That is to say, he did not want Xiaoyan to go out to work anymore, he wanted her to return home and spend her old age with him. I believe that this is indeed Wang Dana's true thoughts.
But the problem is that he was originally much older than Yang Xiaoyan in age, and it was understandable that he wanted to spend his old age peacefully at this age, but at Yang Xiaoyan's age, she did not want to retire and wanted to work hard, and Wang Dana did not take this into account.
In fact, even when he was young, Wang Dana was not sure that Yang Xiaoyan went out to work, he had always been more resistant to her going to work elsewhere, preferring to open a shop for her and let her manage the dog factory, in short, he did not want her to leave his sight, and did not want her to have too much contact with other people.
Wang Dana's psychology is not difficult to spy, because Yang Xiaoyan is beautiful, or from a big city, has temperament, and has cultivation, and he himself is old, has a certain inferiority complex, and at the same time is worried that others have covetous hearts for Yang Xiaoyan, so he suffers from gain and loss, which is also the common sentiment of people.
But when two people are together, especially couples who have lived for many years, we can't just think about our own feelings, we also have to respect each other's ideas and needs. You say that if two people have just met and you don't know her well enough, this is understandable. After so many years of marriage, if you still let your wife give up her career because of your own gains and losses, this is very undeserved.
From Wang Dana's point of view, he has his own worries and tensions, which is completely understandable, but he should not interfere in his wife's work because of this worry and nervousness, and even want his wife to give up his work to accompany himself to the elderly, which is a lack of empathy, and he does not consider these issues from his wife's point of view at all.
Secondly, Yang Xiaoyan also paid little attention to Wang Dana's feelings.
Wang Dana is indeed a person who is more careful, but there is a reason for his careful eyes, which stems from the gap between him and Yang Xiaoyan. Wang Dana has always felt in his heart that he is not worthy of Yang Xiaoyan, which has led to his great fear of loss and sensitivity to her interpersonal interactions.
But Yang Xiaoyan is a modern woman with an assertive personality, she does not want to be interfered with and controlled, the more Wang Dana cares about her getting too close to other men, the more she wants to fight with him, which is like a rebellious child, the more she is bound, the more rebellious.
But the relationship between husband and wife is different from the parent-child relationship after all, our parents may unconditionally tolerate us, accept our rebellion and shortcomings, even if we provoke them to be angry, they will forget it in a few days. In marriage, trust and tolerance between husband and wife is conditional and mutual.
If one party does not consider the other party's feelings, or even deliberately does things that make the other party unhappy, then the other party will inevitably not always accommodate and tolerate you. Most likely, your feelings will be exhausted in this challenge and rebellion.
Of course, as a modern woman, Yang Xiaoyan does not like Wang Dana's "careful eyes", which is also normal. But their objective facts are there, there is indeed a certain degree of gap between Wang Dana and her, he has become sensitive because of this gap, then as a wife, she should consider and take care of this situation.
Wang Dana minded that she was getting too close to the other men, so she tried to go a little farther away from the right distance, which was not a difficult thing. There is no need to be stubborn and do what you want, or even deliberately say something to anger your husband, right?
Yes, from Yang Xiaoyan's standpoint, she really did not do anything wrong, nor did she do anything to betray marriage or other immoral things, but many times, what is important between husband and wife is not right or wrong, but feelings. We shouldn't just ignore what the other person thinks just because we're right.
Only when you see and understand the other party's position and situation can you make reasonable tolerance and choice in the differences and conflicts between the two sides, and such empathy is the only way for a long-term marriage.
It can be seen that empathy is the key to running a marriage.
Because the essence of marriage is that two people live together. What is your life? It is chai rice oil and salt chicken and garlic skin, is the joy and sorrow of sorrow and joy, to put it bluntly, it is the emotions and feelings that collide from triviality and blandness, and there is not so much right and wrong in principle.
Many people, holding only a few worldly truths, regard marriage as a fair and strict court, and any contradiction between husband and wife must be judged who is right and who is wrong, but they do not care about how many feelings are hurt in the process.
Marriages that cannot be empathized with will sooner or later lead to tragedy. Just like the couple of Wang Dana and Yang Xiaoyan, how many people have praised it? Now it is on the verge of divorce.
Just think, if Wang Dana understands his wife's professionalism and understands the pursuit of her career at her age and situation, then he can understand why she regards Lao Hu as a benefactor, and he will not be upset because of Lao Hu's existence. Even if he still minded, he would not think of cutting off his wife's "back road" by transferring the water plant.
If Yang Xiaoyan can understand her husband's inferiority and nervousness about her, she will pay due attention to her own behavior and will not only regard her husband's approach as unreasonable trouble. Even if she still can't stand her husband's "careful eyes", she will understand that there is a reason for the incident, so that she can be patient to communicate with her husband.
Whose marriage doesn't stumble? But you understand me, I understand you. As long as empathy is achieved in marriage, no matter how big the contradiction can always find a solution, on the contrary, if the two parties cannot empathize and only think of their own feelings, then the small contradiction will become a big contradiction.
Marriage is not easy, when you have complaints and dissatisfaction with your lover, please remember these two words - empathy!
About the author: Meet and miss, a woman who likes to read and write, focusing on the creation of articles in the emotional field and the analysis and answer of emotional questions, I hope that my words can accompany you warmly forward.