One is Liang Zongdai, a young talent who has been known as the "Poet of the Southern Kingdom" since the age of 16.
One is Shen Ying, a female writer who "followed Zhang Ailing" and whose works were sensational.
From the first time they met, they understood each other, clear love, passionate love, and they were destined to be a love of equal strength. But such a feeling, in the real material life, if there is no gentle weakness and compromise of one party, fragmentation is an inevitable result.
Ten years, the two experienced meeting and knowing each other, loving each other, and if seven years is the time standard for testing marital fidelity, then they have failed.
Liang Zongdai and Shen Ying
The appearance of Gan Shaosu confirmed Liang Zongdai's fickleness, even if there was no Gan Shaosu, this confirmation would come sooner or later.
Shen Ying can sense all this, so she chooses to accept Liang Zongdai's fickleness, but when he tries to clean up the aftermath, she chooses to leave, defending her only remaining dignity.
A woman can accept a man's fickleness, just as she can reject a man's aftermath.
<h1 class= "pgc-h-arrow-right" > meet and know each other</h1>
In 1931, twenty-four-year-old Shen Ying, because of the yearning for love, resolutely chose to marry with the lover quickly, in the face of each other's marital infidelity, she decided to publish a divorce book to report, which was not completely open to the times at that time, it was a sensational event, even with a bit of bad nature, I have seen the marriage notarization report, but the divorce notarization report of the woman is very few, or a little famous talented woman, this is simply the second half of the life of self-destruction, but Shen Sakura has no worries, She knows what she wants, what she cares about, and the rest, so she lets others say it.
She was such a brave and intelligent woman.
After the divorce storm subsided, Shen Ying met twenty-eight-year-old Liang Zongdai at a party to meet with friends, and for Liang Zongdai, who was only four years older than herself and was already a professor at Peking University, Shen Ying did not show cowardice and humility, and calmly chatted with others.
Liang Zongdai had heard about Shen Ying before, and had also read the short stories he had published, and thought that he could write such a delicate and moving work, it must be a woman who had reached middle age, stepped on the red dust of the world, and experienced the vicissitudes of time, but he did not think that it was the woman in front of him who was slightly powdered, but better than Xi Shi, her eyes were like water, with a faint coldness and arrogance, it seemed that the next moment he would see through his heart, Liang Zongdai skimmed his face, pretended to be indifferent, and wandered among the guests.
It was not until he was introduced by a friend that Liang Zongdai dared to look at it carefully, a pair of Vermilion lips, a smile like Yanran, and a smile at the corner of his mouth, which broke the last psychological defense line of Liang Zongdai.
"Hello, Sakura Shen." Shen Sakura held out her hand generously.
Liang Zongdai greeted him and held it. "Hello, Liang Zongdai."
It was the first thing they said, the first thing they said to each other, but it was related to a decade of love and hatred between them.
That night, after the party, Liang Zongdai drank two glasses of wine to strengthen his courage and stopped Shen Ying who was leaving.
"How about blowing the wind together at unnamed lake?" Liang Zongdai was slightly drunk and said with a red face.
Shen Sakura looked up at this man who kept a safe distance from himself, his eyes were full of pure and genuine longing, so subtle, and so warm.
Just at the meeting, the words that the friend said sideways in his ear disturbed Shen Ying's heart, "Liang Zongdai, a poet of the southern country, a great talent, fell in love with you at first sight." Shen Sakura could not deny that when the man held his hand, the undercurrent that had sprung up in his heart was a feeling that he had rarely felt, as if he had returned to his first love.
But such a mild-mannered man, does he know and accept the reality that he has had a short marriage? Shen Ying suspected that these were two different things after all.
Since these are two different things, why not spread them out one by one.
"Okay." After Shen Sakura finished answering, she walked forward with her own care, and when she heard the footsteps behind her, she smiled slightly.
The two walked side by side by the unnamed lake, and Liang Zongdai took the lead in breaking the silence.
"What books do you usually like to read?"
Shen Sakura burst out laughing, such an old-fashioned chat at the beginning, used to write novels has long been unpopular, which really does not look like a person who has received new ideological education outside. But his honesty is a little moving.
Shen Ying answered truthfully and asked the other party back, but when she accidentally heard that the other party had read the book she had written, she was shocked, Xu was surprised, or shy, she did not understand.
From traditional novels, the two talked about poetry, translations, etc., from home to abroad, lamenting each other's erudition, and encouraging each other to delve deeper. Shen Sakura was very happy that finally someone could understand her and support her talent and ambition. She was eager to know What Liang Zongdai thought about her marriage.
For her question, Liang Zongdai was very surprised, and seemed to be expected.
"It's just a choice you have for marriage, and as long as you feel it's right, no one is qualified to judge you."
When Liang Zongdai said the answer, Shen Ying knew that this person was right.
The second spring came naturally.
On the left are Liang Zongdai and Shen Ying
< h1 class = "pgc-h-arrow-right" > love each other</h1>
The two people who fell in love abandoned the worldly vision and embraced each other.
From the moment it became public, this relationship was destined to be bumpy. In 1934, after the two had experienced nearly three years of happy times, the first test was ushered in.
It was an extremely ordinary day, Liang Zongdai went to school to teach, Shen Ying wrote his new work at home, with the undulating knocking on the door, Shen Ying met a self-proclaimed Liang Zongdai wife He Ruiqiong, the other party turned Liang Zongdai's hometown upside down and said again, true and false, false and true, this is undoubtedly a shocking thunder fell in Shen Ying's heart, how is this possible? I have never heard Liang Zongdai talk about it, did he intervene in someone else's marriage? It's really a ridiculous irony.
Shen Ying generously invited the other party into the house, and brewed a cup of hot tea, He Ruiqiong sat upright, and did not mean to drink tea, she looked up and down at this woman dressed in plain clothes, behaved decently, presumably everyone was from a boudoir background, this matter can be discussed.
"I came this time, I have no other meaning, just hope to end the marriage relationship with Liang Zongdai, he must also pay me a compensation fee." He Ruiqiong single-handedly shot straight in.
"Of course, if What Miss He says is true, this is the responsibility that Mr. Liang must bear."
Shen Ying did not directly call him Zong Dai as usual, but changed his name to Mr. Liang, and this mustard was planted in his heart.
Shen Ying's words were a consolation, He Ruiqiong's tone was no longer sharp, she looked at Shen Ying, who pretended to be calm, and a trace of sympathy flooded her heart, thinking that she was also like this, since the ancient man was thin, the wronged woman was always attached to him.
He Ruiqiong took out the notes written by Liang Zongdai himself, "Liang Shiqi" and "He Shuanghao", which were exclusive nicknames between them. The handwriting on it, Shen Sakura recognized.
Liang Zongdai came back from class, saw the two people in the room, suddenly lost his color, Shen Ying looked at Liang Zongdai standing outside the door, his eyes were flustered, avoiding Shen Ying's gaze. He Ruiqiong stood up, "Liang Zongdai." ”
Liang Zongdai did not answer, pulled He Ruiqiong out, Shen Ying only felt that the sky was spinning, his back was against the seat, and he lost his mind.
For a long time, a decadent Liang Zongdai returned, sitting opposite Shen Ying, the afterglow sprinkled at the feet of the two, white water droplets in the cool hot tea cup, along the cup wall jumped into the muddy tea, disappeared, leaving the smooth cup wall in the sunset to sigh independently.
Shen Ying did not ask, Liang Zongdai only said one sentence: "When I deal with it, we will get married." ”
This sentence may be enough for Shen Ying, if there are too many, it may not be the Liang Zongdai she loves.
He Ruiqiong took Liang Zongdai to court, and everything was made public, although it was an arranged marriage, but Liang Zongdai did not fulfill his due obligations.
It took two months, and finally the court ruled that Liang Zongdai lost the case, and for a time, Liang Zongdai was pushed to the cusp of the storm, and he stopped teaching at Peking University.
On the day he left Beiping, He Ruiqiong made an appointment with Shen Ying. In a small café, two women sat across from each other and laughed, and in the eyes of others, this was how it was impossible to sit together peacefully.
"The first time I saw you, I knew why Liang Zongdai liked you." He Ruiqiong wore a royal blue skirt, put his hands on his knees, and said slowly: "I dream of becoming a person like you, knowledgeable and self-reliant, but I was born in an unfortunate family, from the age of fifteen to marry the Liang family, I knew, but I was not willing, so I studied with Liang Zongdai, this is my only way out." ”
Shen Ying did not know what to say to her, she was different from He Ruiqiong, she grew up in a family of new ideas, her father and brother encouraged her to be a free spirit, and never forced her to do anything against her heart.
"But you, now, live for yourself, and that's enough." Shen Sakura said from the bottom of her heart that she admired this woman.
"Liang Zongdai is a good person, but we were born in a bad era."
Shen Sakura looked up, very surprised.
He Ruiqiong smiled, "Do you think I'm a messy woman?" ”
This time Shen Sakura smiled, "Then we won't sit together today." ”
The two looked at each other and giggled.
After paying the compensation fees awarded by the court, Liang Zongdai resigned from his job at Peking University, leaving only a small amount of property on his body.
"Would you still like to be with me, a poor man?"
Shen Yingwan smiled, "Don't you forget, I also have money." ”
Simple dialogue that ends their first test in love.
Soon, the two went to Japan. Rise in the morning and set in the morning, hold hands together, go for a walk on the beach together, there is no dispute with the world, and the days are not happy.
Liang Zongdai calmed down and wrote, translating many works about Goethe and Valery, and Shen Ying silently accompanied him, he translated, she read, over time, perhaps hearing about it, Shen Ying also gradually fell in love with translation.
It was also the works of this period that made Liang Zongdai's reputation famous, and everyone no longer talked about the "Lai marriage" professor, but also the translator Liang Zongdai.
The following year, Liang Zongdai and Shen Ying returned to Beiping and officially held a wedding.
At the wedding, Liang Zongdai said: "In this life, the only person who understands me is the bride in front of me who is wearing a veil." ”
Shen Sakura was behind the veil, tears falling like rain.
<h1 class= "pgc-h-arrow-right" > hate each other</h1>
The days after marriage are as sweet as honey.
Liang Zongdai was invited to teach at Nankai University, and Shen Ying, who was pregnant at that time, went with him, and in addition to housework, he also insisted on his own novel creation, unfortunately, with the weight of the body, the novel has not been completed.
After the eldest daughter was born, it was in the midst of war, it was difficult to settle down, and she had to go to Chongqing, in such a mountain city, rainy and wet, the days seemed to be moldy, and there was no life.
Perhaps with the strength of her eldest daughter, Shen Sakura encouraged herself to cheer herself up and put more of her mind on the family, as a mother, she had no choice.
As a wife, in this relationship, Shen Ying chose to sacrifice herself to achieve each other, she did her best to take care of Liang Zongdai's diet and living, during which Liang Zongdai successfully created "Our Happiness is Red in the Sunset", which is Shen Ying's greatest comfort.
Day by day, the second daughter was also born, with the experience of taking care of the eldest daughter, Shen Ying became much more relaxed, and the friend writers Zhao Qingge and Fang Lingru often quipped that she could produce a parenting novel.
Shen Ying smiled and did not speak, the hardships of life had made her creative enthusiasm disappear, but this grievance and regret, she could not find anyone to say.
I don't know when it started, Liang Zongdai began to become picky, once the meal was not appetizing, he could be furious, completely disregarding whether the child was present, these picky, these inexplicable fires, Shen Ying only when he encountered unhappiness at work, venting outlet, did not do much interpretation.
But as the number of times this happened, Sakura became uncomfortable, she didn't know what was wrong, and she began to wonder if her sacrifice was worth it.
Once a thought arises, there is no room for return.
The last time, in the face of Liang Zongdai's roar, Shen Ying did not continue to choose to understand and endure, but fought back, and she counted all the grievances over the years.
Liang Daizong calmed down, looked at the woman shyly, had nothing to say, and slammed the door. The two daughters ran up, hugged Shen Sakura, and cried in fright.
Shen Sakura looked at the distant back, there were no tears, her heart was dead.
Liang Zongdai did not go home again, and lay in the hotel outside for three days, perhaps reflecting, perhaps making a decision, which no one knew.
A few days later, bad news came that Liang Zongdai's father had died, and he rushed back to take care of the aftermath, because of the inconvenience of transportation caused by the war, and after a few months of going, Shen Ying and Liang Zongdai lost contact, and Shen Ying found that she was pregnant.
This time apart, for the rest of their lives, they lost each other.
After dealing with the aftermath, Liang Zongdai did not choose to return to Chongqing, spending all day with friends drinking and wandering in various entertainment venues.
By chance, he went to see a Cantonese opera "Midnight Thief Xiangfei", in which gan Shao Su Chuchu's pitiful appearance was imprinted in his heart from this moment on, lingering.
Introduced by a friend, he met Gan Shaosu, a woman with a good face, who spoke softly like a breeze in his heart, and Liang Zongdai maintained the demeanor of a humble gentleman.
Gan Shaosu had heard of Liang Zongdai, because of a marriage dispute, it was boiling over, and the whole country had heard about it, and he thought that he was an unpopular bastard, but he did not expect that he would be such a polite and personable man.
Gan Shaosu, who was in her twenties, had seen many men, but Liang Zongdai was rare.
The charming affection in his eyes, as an actor, she knows that this cannot be performed, she understands his feelings, but she cannot accept his feelings.
Friends will be Gan Shaosu's life and interrogation, it turned out that Gan Shaosu was 12 years old in the drama class as an apprentice, because of the family poverty, 15 years old was a ugly student named Huang Jiabao in the drama class as a wife, the family can not speak for it, let it be destroyed, 23-year-old Gan Shaosu can not bear it, decided to divorce him, at this time Gan Shaosu is already a little famous, do "positive flowers", but the disaster is still continuous, she was soon occupied by Zhong Shuhui, a captain of the Guangxi Yulin Special Bureau.
Zhong Shuhui originally had a wife and a concubine living in the countryside of Wuzhou, and when they learned of this, the two of them rushed from the countryside and used Gan Shaosu as a slave to summon and scold. Zhong Shuhui himself was extremely abusive to Gan Shaosu. In order to avoid their torture, Gan Shaosu had to return to the stage and traveled from place to place.
"Crying in the play, crying is the character, but it is I who cry." Gan Shaosu said.
Liang Zongdai thought of his two young daughters, and then thought of the disputes in this chaotic world, and he couldn't help but beat his chest and sigh.
"I'm going to redeem you, you're waiting for me."
Liang Zongdai's words illuminated Gan Shaosu's life.
Thirty thousand pieces of ocean were exchanged for Gan Shaosu's free body.
In this era of poor life, Gan Shaosu's only precious life was this life, and the only life she could give liang Zongdai was this one.
So when Liang Zongdai proposed, she agreed without any hesitation, and her heart told her that this man was the one who would love her for the rest of her life.
Liang Zongdai liked Gan Shaosu's weakness and obedience, and in her, Liang Zongdai could always get an indescribable freshness, which Shen Ying could not give. He finally made a choice, whether to wake up or faint, the answer was not important to Shen Sakura.
Shen Ying saw the news of Liang Zongdai's marriage in the newspaper, and she silently walked back to the room, sorted out Liang Zongdai's clothes, and sent them over.
There was no crying, and there were still no tears, and all these years of hard work seemed to make her numb to life, like a puppet.
Despite the persuasion of everyone, Shen Sakura left the house with her two daughters. When standing on the dock, watching the people coming and going, she breathed a sigh of relief, touched the belly of Xianhuai, and the soul seemed to slowly return to her, and Shen Sakura returned.
Life can be wrong once, twice, but every time it is wrong, Shen Sakura is not Shen Sakura.
<h1 class= "pgc-h-arrow-right" > forgotten</h1>
When Liang Zongdai returned to Chongqing, Shen Ying had already left. He wrote many letters greeting Shen Sakura, but never received any reply.
In some sleepless nights, he thinks about right and wrong, but what is the use of really distinguishing right from wrong?
Shen Sakura took the children to travel from place to place, and finally after the end of the Anti-Japanese War, in 1945, Shen Sakura embarked on a ship to Taiwan, and only by leaving this sad land could she truly be reborn.
The first half of her life is on the mainland, she does not regret it, and where the second half of her life is, she has to choose herself and no longer depend on any.
He Ruiqiong's path, Shen Ying was finally repeating the same mistakes.
Shen Cherry Blossom
After arriving in Taiwan, Shen Ying taught in a private middle school, and although her life was poor, she felt an unprecedented sense of comfort, without any restraints, no longer had to seek perfection, and she could pursue what she wanted.
Every day, in addition to teaching and parenting, Shen Sakura would spend two or three hours to let herself learn to read, and whenever she lifted her pen to sketch a novel, Shen Ying would always fall into painful memories, such a repetitive situation, Shen Ying knew that it was impossible.
But she didn't give up and turned to Reading and Translating in English.
"If you can't write your own, then write someone else's."
Over the past ten years, Shen Ying has translated "Letters from a Strange Woman" and "Dandelion Series", creating a miracle of the Taiwan Literature Publishing House, and at the same time, her career has reached its peak.
Perhaps she should have been so when Mr. Barkin invited her to write a book in the early days, but now this day comes a little late, nearly thirty years late.
Liang Zongdai, who was in his twenties, had read the all-English version of "A Letter from a Strange Woman", and when he got the translation, Liang Zongdai was nearly sixty years old, already sick, and his trembling hands could not open the book, and Gan Shaosu was reading the page for him.
When he saw the translator on the front page sign the autograph, Liang Zongdai's eyes were red, his hand touched the familiar name, and tears fell.
Gan Shaosu gently comforted Liang Zongdai, and the woman he had always remembered was like this.
This translation, which was placed on Liang Zongdai's bedside table, before going to bed, would always be used to open it and look at it a few times, he looked for traces of Shen Ying between the lines, even if it was a derogatory word, he hoped that Shen Ying was said to himself, which at least proved that she had not forgotten, did not forget Liang Zongdai.
Shen Ying, who was far away in the United States, received a letter from Liang Zongdai, whose daughter had brought her.
This man she had loved and hated, remembered and forgotten, and when she saw the familiar handwriting, she began to miss this man.
Perhaps He Ruiqiong is right, he is a good person, but we were born in a bad era.
But after so many years of persistence, she was not allowed to make mistakes again.
She did not reply to Liang Zongdai.
In 1982, Shen Sakura, who had been away from the mainland for nearly forty years, finally returned.
Liang Zongdai stood in front of the mirror with a cane and chose the most satisfactory suit, he wanted her to see his best appearance.
Liang Zongdai wandered around Shen Ying's residence many times, but was inconvenienced to refuse the request to meet.
Gan Shaosu helped Liang Zongdai on the way home, this man was really old.
Shen Sakura may have stood in front of the window, carefully examining the faltering old man, maybe not.
No one knows if she will have regrets in her heart.
The following year, Liang Zongdai died of illness, and both daughters and sons went to the funeral, and Gan Shaosu lost his mind, lying on the side of the coffin with a soft collapse, tears flowing down his yellow cheeks, and he didn't know what he was saying.
After Shen Ying heard the news, she did not eat for a day, and she was seriously ill, because it was more and more sick, and her body bones became weaker and weaker, and the competition in this life was finally an empty fist.
For Liang Zongdai, whether to love a little more or hate a little more, she seemed to understand.
In 1988, Shen Sakura left forever.
Perhaps, they will meet again and once again tell each other their heartfelt feelings.