Text/Pan Caixia
One day in the 1970s, the door of the famous poet and translator Liang Zongdai was knocked on.
"Look for my dad—look for you!" The woman outside the door hesitated slightly.
With a "Daddy", Liang Zongdai burst into tears.
In 1948, because he married the Cantonese opera actor Gan Shaosu with great fanfare, his wife Shen Ying knew about it, and he was angry and took his three children to Taiwan. At that time, the second daughter Siqing was only 7 years old.
In the blink of an eye, it's been 30 years.
Liang Zongdai and Shen Ying
<h1 class = "pgc-h-center-line" > first acquaintance and sympathy</h1>
In 1931, due to the dramatist's husband's empathy, the 24-year-old Shen Sakura resolutely ended this short-lived marriage.
She graduated from Fudan University in Shanghai, was already a dazzling star in the literary world, published three novels, and mao dun and Shen Congwen both praised her.
After the divorce, Shen Ying moved to Beiping.
"Fluent in Beijing dialect, he often wears a crab-green chinched cheongsam, five-minute wide satin edges of the same color, plus a black velvet vest, and a white scarf." In the eyes of her friends, she is "radiant and beautiful".
Cihui Hall No. 3 is the most frequented place for Shen Sakura. Zhu Guangqian and his french friend Liang Zongdai lived there, and their "poetry reading meeting" attracted a large number of literary and artistic young people to come here for a discussion.
One day, Shen Ying came with her friend Jin Bingying, Liang Zongdai warmly invited them to eat and drink, and from the look between Shen Ying and Liang Zongdai, Jin Bingying saw "infinite tenderness".
That year, Liang Zongdai was 28 years old, and he had just left his French lover and returned to China to become a professor in the French department of Peking University. He was known as the "Poet of the Southern Kingdom" at the age of 16, studied in Europe for many years, was proficient in Chinese, and had a high degree of achievement in literature and translation.
Liang Zongdai
In the frequent time together, he and Shen Sakura felt sorry for each other, and they fell in love.
The moment of the electric flint was later written into a poem by Liang Zongdai:
"I can't forget that day
We got to know each other
Yi bowed his head and smiled as he walked by
I also walked by with my head down and a smile..."
Love covers the eyes, in Shen Ying's eyes, Liang Zongdai", "love beautiful women", but it is normal for people, and his happy arguments and irritability are more manly.
In short, she admired him and was infatuated with him, and her footsteps often ran unconsciously to the third number of the Cihui Hall.
Like glue in the paint, troubles suddenly came.
In 1934, Liang Zongdai's wife who had arranged an arranged marriage found Peking University, and although she had verbally promised to dissolve the feudal marriage many years ago and had married and had children, she was still instigated to ask for maintenance.
When facing the court, Liang Zongdai lost the case.
For a time, the divorce case of a famous professor at Peking University was published in the newspaper and spread wildly. Money was damaged, reputation was damaged, and soon Liang Zongdai was dismissed.
For all this, Shen Sakura did not care, she accompanied him to Japan to relax.
Red sleeves add incense, the years are quiet, in a delicate and lovely cottage in Yeshan, Liang Zongdai quietly writes and translates.
In a letter to the French poet Valéry, he said: "I withdrew, my body intact, my spirit more active than ever to study, and more devoted to the faith of self-improvement." ”
A smile filled the corner of his eyebrows, and when they learned that Ba Jin wanted to come to Japan, they warmly invited him to live with him in the letter many times.
Shen Sakura's letter to Ba Jin
A few months later, Barkin really came, and he witnessed their happiness: "In the quiet life of the pine forest, the couple was intoxicated in happiness. I saw it all with my own eyes in his exquisite cabin. ”
During the quiet and warm year, Liang Zongdai translated the poems of Goethe, Valery and many other famous artists, which were later collected into "The Peak of Everything".
In the process of getting along day and night, his reading habits, translation style and thoughts also subtly influenced Shen Ying.
At the end of May 1935, they returned to Beiping and officially married.
Soon, violinist Ma Sicong and his wife went to Beiping for a concert, and they lived in Shen Ying's house, and the four of them either talked freely or traveled together, and the good scene was warm and moving.
Mr. and Mrs. Liang Zongdai and Mr. and Mrs. Ma Sicong
< h1 class= "pgc-h-center-line" > break up and resolutely</h1> decide
After the marriage, Liang Zongdai was invited to teach at Nankai University, Shen Ying continued to write novels, and Ba Jin asked her to write a copy of "Notes on Hayama", which she gladly agreed. However, Caught in housework, the pace of writing had to slow down.
A year later, the first child was born, and Liang Zongdai named his daughter "SiWei". "Wei", referring to Bai Wei, is the Chinese name of his French lover, who still reads the old love.
After the outbreak of the Anti-Japanese War, the family moved to Chongqing to live in the suburbs of Beiquan, and Liang Zongdai completed the famous sonnet "Our Bottom Happiness is Red in the Sunset".
However, this happiness was at the expense of Shen Sakura's sacrifice, and two or three years had passed, and She had not written a word about Ba Jin's appointment.
In the letter, she recounts her daily routine:
"Every day for the change of servants to worry about, a rare moment of quiet, plus my health is not good, most of the day is uncomfortable, although the article is always in mind, but several times reluctantly to write, the body and mind are not allowed to write." In short, my article can not be handed in, now it is decided. I'm sorry, please accept my apology. ”
Happily, during the War of Resistance Against Japanese Aggression, the literati in the rear gathered, and Shen Ying, Zhao Qingge, Fang Lingru, Jin Yi and other writers became neighbors and friends.
Trapped in the chores of life, he has long lost the state of mind of writing, and in addition to being depressed, he cannot avoid losing his temper with Liang Zongdai.
But he neither understood nor was he humble, coupled with his braggarted personality, so there was a quarrel.
After the birth of the second daughter Siqing, Shen Ying became busier.
In 1943, when Liang Zongdai returned to Guangxi Baise to deal with the inheritance of his deceased father, he actually empathized with Cantonese opera actor Gan Shaosu, not only writing poems for her many times, but also pouring money to help her redeem herself, knowing that doing so would hurt Shen Ying, but still announcing her marriage with great fanfare.
In 1940, Shen Ying and her eldest daughter Si Wei
"Acacia flowers stand, both laughs and words melt" has become a thing of the past, there is no condemnation, no accusation, Shen Ying moved to the residence of the fourth sister on the south bank of Chongqing with her two daughters.
A few months later, his son Siming was born.
After returning to Chongqing, Liang Zongdai wanted to seek forgiveness, and from time to time went to find Shen Ying, and once personally led a milk sheep on foot.
In the society where three wives and four concubines are legal, he does not think that there is anything wrong with him, but Shen Ying, who has a strong sense of self-esteem and has been baptized by "May Fourth", will never accept such a threesome.
Just as Chiang Kai-shek was recruiting, Liang Zongdai did not want to get involved in politics, and he resigned his teaching post and returned to Baise to settle down.
After the victory of the Anti-Japanese War, Shen Ying returned to Shanghai with her three children to teach. After learning the news, Liang Zongdai then rushed to take them to live in Guangzhou, but Shen Ying chose to refuse.
Reading, teaching, raising children, she has the courage and confidence to face life alone.
By the appointment of Zhao Qingge, eight years after quitting writing, Shen Ying gladly wrote and wrote a short story "Doll", and his style did not diminish that year.
This is her last work on the mainland.
In 1948, with three young children and a painful heart, Shen Ying followed her mother and brother to Taiwan.
Before leaving, she said to Zhao Qingge, "If you want to go far, you will never see Liang Zongdai again!" But among the few books in her luggage was Liang Zongdai's The Peak of Everything.
The Peak of Everything
Hate and love. Years later, Shen Ying explained the reason for the separation like this:
"The reason for being separated from him, is both simple and complex. He was rich and a man with a dual personality. I can only be liberated without him, otherwise, it will be difficult for me to get out. I am an untamed wife, and I will never follow him, probably this is also the temper of shandong people. ”
Independence, in order to be free, is the character she has given to the protagonist many times in her early novels.
When the covenant was broken, she walked resolutely.
<h1 class = "pgc-h-center-line" > tips and memories of eternity</h1>
After arriving in Taiwan, Shen Ying settled in Toufen Town, Miaoli County, where she taught at a private middle school. The environment is quiet, life is stable, and the "spiritual comfort is unprecedented".
In addition to teaching, she turned her interest to reading and translating English novels.
Under the night light, the mother sat quietly and chanted the Buddha, the three children slept soundly together, and Shen Sakura herself "scribbled and changed" in the case, which was the little happiness she longed for.
But in the end it was a foreign land. Shen Ying missed the homeland and the old people, and whenever she saw the blooming azaleas, the cries of the azaleas "It is better to go home" sounded in her ears.
In 1949, in the essay "The Sound of Spring", she couldn't help but sigh: "Wait until there is no home, Cuckoo Hugh whispers to her ear!" ”
With the tension between the two sides of the strait, communications with the mainland have been completely interrupted.
In order to accommodate her children's further education, in 1957, Shen Ying was recruited to teach at Taipei No. 1 Girls' High School.
With a teaching and amateur writing, she single-handedly undertook the life and education of her three children.
Shen Cherry Blossom
In Taipei, literary colleagues have visited one after another, Lin Haiyin, Qi Jun, Liu Fang are her guests, "talk about writing, talk about translation, talk about literature, talk about hobbies, talk about interesting things, exchange with each other, report on the good articles they appreciate, very happy!" ”
In the continuous harvest, Shen Ying also realized that her choice of translated works and the use of words, including the love of quoting Montaigne's sentences, were all unaffected by Liang Zongdai.
His imprint cannot be erased, and after the children have gone to the United States to study and work, in loneliness, the dusty emotions have been revived.
In Chinese New Year's Eve 1963, Shen Ying wrote to her daughter in the United States:
"Your letter didn't say anything about 'thinking of your relatives every festive season', nor did I think of 'one night at home'. At this moment, I think of these famous sentences throughout the ages, and I deeply appreciate the misery of the past that is not heard, and life and death are close to death. ”
At the end of the letter, she sighed, "Our family scattered in five places..."
In addition to the four mothers and children, this fifth place is Liang Zongdai.
Ten years in the blink of an eye, without thinking, unforgettable.
Coinciding with ma Sicong and his wife's performance in Taiwan, Shen Ying quietly went to listen, recalling that in Beiping, the pair was paired, and at this moment, it was only a shadow, "Listening to those beautiful and familiar piano sounds, it was really a mixture of feelings, and became the person who cried the most in the audience."
When they left, they were not officially divorced, and she was still "Mrs. Liang".
In correspondence with friends in Taiwan, her payment is always "Liang Chen Ying";
What she inadvertently wrote on the paper was often the lingering words he wrote to her.
In the loneliness of a foreign land, fortunately there are also reading and translation companions.
After retiring, Shen Sakura moved the idea of printing books and sending friends as souvenirs. In this way, the translation of "A Letter from a Strange Woman" came out, who expected to illuminate the literary sky like a comet, and the reprint of the first edition was still in short supply, creating a miracle in Taiwan's publishing industry.
"Letter from a Strange Woman"
Encouraged, Shen Sakura published a series of translations, the Dandelion Series.
Thanks to the nourishment she absorbed in her marriage, twenty years later, she finally returned with the translator Liang Zongdai.
The edges and corners of personality have been worn away by time, and after the Door between China and the United States opened a gap, the second daughter Siqing returned to China to see her father, and she brought back some Liang Zongdai manuscripts.
Looking at the familiar handwriting, Shen Sakura's heart fluctuated. At that moment, the resentment vanished, and she wrote to him with a pen:
"The traces of time are so obvious that it is truly shocking.
Now that the prime years have long passed, it is really not necessary to continue the stubbornness of old age. In this old age when there are few old friends, we can always be called the deceased.
I often say to my children that in the relationship between husband and wife, we are resentful, but in literature, you are the teacher who has the deepest influence on me, and I still have not escaped your old barriers in reading and writing. ”
"Lotus" is "even", the taste is indescribable.
After the communication was restored, There was no lack of warmth between the lines of Shen Sakura's words, and when talking about her son, she said: "The problem of not accepting defeat (like you), being too kind and confused (like me). "It's all an intimate couple's tone.
She reprinted his "The Peak of Everything", and Liang Zongdai, who was keen on pharmaceuticals in his later years, would also send the special medicine he invented to Shen Ying.
Through time and space, they touched the sweetness and warmth again.
At the age of 71, Shen Sakura went to the United States to reunite with her children, at that time, she was already tormented by "Parkinson's" disease. Old and sick, more nostalgic for the homeland.
In April 1982, after more than thirty years of absence, Shen Sakura finally returned to the mainland. During the few months of his stay, old friends gathered together, and Liang Zongdai rushed to Beijing to ask for a meeting several times, but she did not agree.
Perhaps, she would rather let the memory stay in the years of her youth, when her face did not change; at that time, the emotions remained the same.
In 1982, Shen Ying and his cousin Tian Zhongji
The following year after returning to the United States, the news came that Liang Zongdai had died.
Regrets are always there, when Lin Haiyin wrote to Shen Ying for a few photos with Liang Zongdai because of the need to compile books, she urged her children: "Quickly find out and register and send them!" ”
When a junior said that she had studied in Fudan under Liang Zongdai, so she should be called "master mother", she "blushed slightly and smiled slightly";
When she heard the interesting story of Liang Zongdai going to class and his goats following behind her, she was very interested in the illness, and smiled and squinted: "He is that virtue!" ”
Love and hate, are all in laughter.
In April 1988, when the cherry blossoms were falling, Shen Sakura died on the other side of the ocean. Like the words she left behind, love and life are clean, brilliant and timeless.
In his later years, Liang Zongdai