It is said that love is easy to keep together, that is because marriage is not an idol drama, and love cannot stay in the passion period forever.
After being together for a long time, the passion fades, it is impossible to use it to maintain the relationship between two people, and the real relationship still depends on management.
Before the real experience, they all felt that marriage was a continuation of love and should have a perfect ending like a fairy tale, but the prince and princess were the beginning of the real test of two people from the beginning of marriage.
Married life is implemented into chai rice oil salt sauce vinegar, plain and boring, if two people no longer know how to get along, grievances and tired emotions accumulate more, they will be disappointed in marriage, contradictions, serious will lead to divorce.
The original intention of choosing to enter marriage was to form a happy family with the loved ones, a harbor where you can live, and be with each other in the days to come.
In getting along, we all like to stand on our own standpoint to see the problem, but ignore the desire to get at the same time, we may have to learn some "give up" appropriately, in order to get more, otherwise it is like a monkey breaking corn, and eventually getting nothing.
In fact, in marriage, men and women have experienced "abandonment" and only then know how to love each other.
Give up and look forward to the fantasy of the perfect lover.
In marriage, I often hear such a voice: "I really didn't expect you to be such a person, I knew that I would not marry (marry) you..."
The words are full of disappointment for the other half, is the other party really useless?
Of course not, when they first fell in love, they chose to enter the marriage because they liked each other, but at that time, each other's eyes only had the advantages of each other, and the shortcomings were ignored.
Bai Yansong said: "It is easy to love each other and difficult to get along, why is it difficult? It is because you have to accept the shortcomings of the other party, and the difficulty is the process of acceptance. ”
Those couples who do not get along well, many people can not accept each other's shortcomings, feel that the other party and their ideal perfect lover is far apart.
This situation occurs because we can't accept the shortcomings of the other party, or the shortcomings of the other party make us miserable.
Haruki Murakami said: "Every time you accept, you always have to experience a painful loss, which is what really exists in the depths of harmony." ”
Only by giving up the illusion of the perfect lover in our hearts can we face each other squarely and learn to accept each other's shortcomings.
Only by giving up fantasies and accepting reality can we manage this relationship well, and only then can we be successful in this relationship.
Let go of excessive selfishness.
Many men and women enter marriage without understanding that marriage is a win-win situation, but they want to use the standard of love to demand the other half, and everything is based on themselves.
A person's lack of position in marriage is not that he does not know how to grow, but that he does not want to, he only thinks about how to enjoy the other party's efforts, how to squeeze the value of the other party.
Excessively selfish people do not treat their significant other as partners in marriage, but rather as a crushing partner.
The man who is overly selfish in a marriage, he only wants to get, he doesn't want to give. This is easy to cause pressure on the other half, and it is easy to become a burden to the other half.
Some people may not realize their selfishness and feel that they are also contributing to this family, but they ignore the value of each other's contributions and do not recognize each other's efforts, and the two people will have contradictions and estrangement.
A female reader said that her husband went to graduate school after marriage, usually went to work to earn money to support the family, to Sunday rest to study and exercise, as a wife she did not even have a reason to accuse, she could not stop him from moving forward, but the family outside the home is she took care of all the trivialities, but also with two-year-old children, part-time money, she is tired to the disappointment of marriage, feel that the husband is another child who has not grown up, but also to take care of himself, in addition to making money, there is no use.
Can't bear the selfishness of men, she wants to divorce countless times, but she wants to try to change, and has a long conversation with her husband, saying: "Marriage is like a project at work, you have to cooperate with two people to complete, you take a leave of absence because you want to learn and grow, leaving me alone, for several years." Now that I'm tired and don't want to do it, I quit my job and the project can only be ruined. ”
The man realizes that his selfishness in marriage and the beauty he enjoys are all given by his wife, and he did not realize that his behavior would disappoint his wife before.
After that, the man usually takes the initiative to take the child after work, makes time for his wife to relax, lets his wife feel his love, and the relationship between the two people is improved.
To give up excessive selfishness is not to be "absent" in marriage, but to shoulder one's own responsibilities and obligations, recognize each other's efforts, and give love and respect.
In marriage, as long as you are not too selfish, you can think of each other in a different position, you can see each other's difficulties, and you can establish a beautiful and stable relationship with each other.
Abandon "fake sexual intimacy".
Many people's marriages are caught in false sexual intimacy, and they become "roommates" after marriage, without passion, without deep emotional connection, and in a relationship state of "empty commitment".
In the eyes of outsiders, two people look very close, but after the person will fulfill the relationship template, such as "mine is yours, yours is yours", "family expenses are discussed according to the good, other requirements are not extravagant", it looks more like cooperation with acting, there is always a sense of alienation in getting along, and what is given is to meet each other's wants, not what they really want to do.
This kind of pseudo-sexual intimacy will make two people become a "masquerade couple", obviously living together, but never sharing their inner feelings.
Superficially loving each other, but maintaining a sense of boundaries with an invisible safe distance.
If you don't want to become the most familiar stranger, you must learn to give up fake intimate relationships, communicate frankly, say your true feelings, and understand each other to establish a deep emotional connection.
Only by having a real intimate relationship can we feel the closeness of the heart and the heart, dare to trust each other, give our backs to each other when encountering problems, support each other, and love each other until old age.
Miyazaki said: "Love, not to find a perfect person, but to learn to use perfect eyes to appreciate the imperfect person." ”
Whether men and women decide to enter marriage with each other, do not forget their original intentions, to appreciate each other, to achieve each other, in each other's eyes is always the one who shines.
In order to complete yourself, you must learn to give up some things and learn to love each other in order to have the happy marriage and lover you want.
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