Wen / Lan Mama talks about parenting
Shi Yigong, president of Westlake University, once said: "Labor and setbacks can best reflect the significance of education", if you want children to become mature, hardship education is also a necessary experience in children's growth, they all say that "eating bitterly is a good person", behind each top glory there are many unseen heartache experiences, and "children who can't eat bitterness" may not even have the opportunity to participate.
Some parents said:
"Children who see cockroaches can be so frightened that they dare not eat for a day"
"My child is 15 years old and still can't recognize wheat and leeks."
"I have to take a taxi every time I go out, and I don't want to go ten minutes away"
"The baby has come to take revenge in this life, yelling and scolding all day, and treating me like something"
There are also parents who say:
"As long as one thing is not satisfied, the little cub can make trouble for me for a few days"
"My children can't see others being excellent, jealous and crazy"
"TV in the home, sofa, mattress, all changed this year"
"My cubs and I can't communicate, and when we meet, we can't jump in three sentences."
……
Children lack of insight, cognition, experience, or jealousy, growth rebellion, gratitude, in fact, these are the more common developmental stages of their growth, want to make children degenerate in these stages to become more and more excellent, then parents must cultivate children from an early age "small suffering does not eat big suffering, small loss does not eat big loss" strong sense of tenacity, and children can only choose to suffer at the age of effort, in order to accumulate more valuable life wealth in ordinary years.
On the importance of hard-working?
We often describe the game of youth in this way: "In the future, you will definitely thank yourself for your efforts now", this sentence is actually telling us that the effort is to create comfort in the second half of life, in fact, the growth of children is the same, if the first half of the child's life chooses to be in the arms of the parents, then the second half of life is destined to endure more hardships in the torture of reality, even if the family is rich, the child is rich in gold and silver Mountains There will always be a fiasco that day.
However, in real life, family education is shown in a relatively large situation, on the protection of children, parents are willing to taste bitterness and spicy themselves rather than want their children to suffer a little grievance, on the child's hardship education, either completely withdrawn, or let the child stand in the snow and suffer, in fact, hard education, doting education is good, everything is too full and loss, doting must pay attention to the method to make the child move forward with happiness and happiness, hard work must also have "wise willingness" to make every "cry" into a growing wealth.
Remember the biographer Stephen Zweig once said that "everyone's fate gift, in fact, the price tag was secretly marked early in the morning...", this seemingly chicken soup argument, in fact, is the most true, if we did not try to consume life mediocrely in the first half of life, in the second half of life when you need strength to survive, you will find that looking back between "you are nothing", you are also destined to feel every sour in the painful struggle.
However, it is obvious that the children now hear these arguments, they must not understand, but good parents are not strictly protective of the child, but to be the person who teaches them to fish, hard-working is both our opportunity and energy to move forward steadily, then the parents who teach them to fish consciously create some hardship conditions for their children, the child's independent life and hardships and twists have a very important will to temper, which can effectively sublimate the child's moral quality, life realm, including the most basic survival skills in life.
So, what kind of hardship conditions do you need to consciously provide for your children to be a parent who is a fisherman? Lan Ma summed up the following 4 kinds of hardship environments:
The first: the "suffering" of learning
Reading and learning is never a simple thing, and the grades are not necessarily the whole of our lives, but reading is the easiest way for us to succeed and go to the world, and we once saw a video of "high-altitude cleaning glass exterior windows", in which the cleaners are seriously scrubbing work, and the consumption in the glass interior is tasting life and looking at the busyness outside the window.
For a time, the comment area also followed the controversy, some netizens commented that "what is inside the glass is life, what is outside the glass is survival", and a seemingly ordinary sigh has caused countless netizens to comment:
"A piece of glass separates two different lives, and the inside is not necessarily happier than the outside"
"Inside the window is not necessarily happier than outside the window, but there are more survival options inside than outside"
"High altitude fee 800 + salary 300, good work can earn 30,000 a month"
"There are parents carrying inside the window, but outside the window carrying a piece of sky"
"The uncle outside is working so hard, in fact, he hopes that his children can sit here one day."
"Floating in the air like a half-immortal, a rope to lead the life, I would rather my child suffer more now and study more, and have more choices for survival in the future"
This kind of discussion caused by a piece of glass triggered by two different lives, in fact, is to read and did not read out of the book thinking, some people say that reading is bitter, reading tired, sitting in the classroom reading is like squatting in prison, in fact, for the "learning" of children reading is a pleasure, even if the road to reading is dense with thorns will not shrink back, so on the road of reading and learning parents do not "reluctantly" let the child suffer, if you worry about too bitter growth will make the child tired in advance, At this time, parents must make some valuable guidance to teach them to fish.
For example, the following kinds of learning "suffering"
√ the bitterness of getting up early and going to bed late - insisting on going to bed early and getting up early, which seems like a mechanical life, but it is the first guarantee of reading and learning and health
√ insist on the bitterness of morning reading - the solution of the day lies in the morning, starting from reading aloud in the early morning to improve memory and learning habits
√ the pain of pre-study and review - children who have eaten the hardship of pre-study and review should be more solid and powerful in terms of learning ability, and each preview and summary is a reflection and dynamic improvement
√ the hardship of writing homework - writing homework is a daily necessity for every Qianqian student, and it is also a direct way to test the ability of the classroom, not afraid to write homework, in order to calmly face learning
√ the hardship of carrying a school bag - teach children to sort out their school bags to alleviate "labor", and achieve the most basic awareness of "going to school" through the organization of school bags
The second type: the "bitterness" of the rules
For young children, the joy of life is actually how to be happy and how to live, and the reason why reading is boring and difficult to sit, mainly because of the contrast between "rules in the classroom, freedom outside the classroom" leads to rebellion, if the child's mind is not placed in the classroom, how can a child sitting in the classroom and his eyes facing the window listen to knowledge?
In the face of this kind of children who desire freedom, smart parents are not "taking life" to force children to feel pain, nor are they hard to indoctrinate "learning to change fate" methodical education, all say that "we can never wake up a person who pretends to be asleep", if the child regards learning as a lock, it is impossible to awaken the inner pleasure, but can do the desire for freedom when not to treat learning as a lock, different states of mind will create different ideas and outlooks on life.
Take the boring reading, and sitting hard, if the child's rebellious psychology is caused by the desire for freedom, then the escape from the classroom rules is the most fundamental reverse psychology, the so-called "no rules are not square", each rule is for the orderly beginning and process, including the child's growth, learning, and the future is the same, if the child can not eat "rule bitterness" when he is a child, then the future will be eliminated because of the "rules", the rules are everywhere, Only by knowing how to abide by the rules can we ride the wind and waves to overcome more difficulties.
Among them, the "suffering" of the rules should be reflected in the following aspects:
Families also have to have rules
"The family is the first environmental impact of children's growth, and they know how to abide by family rules in order to abide by external rules."
√ independent rules, what you can do is not dependent on others, and what you can't do is learn more and try more
√ eat rules, do not talk when eating, do not picky eating, what time to eat, what time to eat
√ dress rules, arrange your own clothes, and prepare the clothes you want to wear the next night
√ sleeping rules, stipulate bedtime lights out, and remind family members to arrange their own life plans reasonably
Today's events do not leave tomorrow
"Today's things cannot be left until tomorrow, so as not to accumulate problems and burdens so that they will not be too heavy."
√ today's plan can not stay overnight, plan ten minutes before going to bed, and get up the next day without panicking
√ today's homework cannot be accumulated until tomorrow, even if it is very late
√ today's book, you can't read it tomorrow, even if you take a leave of absence, you must seriously learn the new course by yourself
√ promise that what he wants to do today must be completed, and even if it is difficult, he will find a way to overcome it
The third kind: the "bitterness" of failure
We often see many children can not withstand setbacks, encounter a little thing to cry and cry, even decadent, in fact, "can't afford to lose" is not the nature of children, but in the failure and gain of a sense of gap, especially in the "hope of jackie chan, hope that the girl into the phoenix" of the family, when the child is very young will instill "to study well, the future..." Words, this kind of either doting, or cruel education, for children is more of an emotional gain and loss.
"Eat bitterly, be a good person", although parents are encouraged to consciously guide their children to suffer, but suffering does not mean masochism, consciously guide children to experience more "failure pain" in order to get more success in growth, everyone including children's lives will not be smooth, those children who have not tried to fail at all, it is easy to collapse in a small matter in the future, can not stand the blow, only let the children try the pain of failure, they can summarize more experience in setbacks.
If you are worried that the pain of failure will make your child bitter and unbearable, as a parent who teaches him to fish, he can be a good guide to his child's body and mind from the following aspects:
√ summarize experience, and the connotation of failure as the mother of success is to know how to summarize experience and improve the efficiency of doing things next time
√ to vent correctly, want to break through the clouds and see the blue sky, the venting of bad emotions can not be stopped, guide children to vent correctly, such as shouting in the open area, grabbing dolls, throwing stones, can effectively improve emotions
√ face it calmly, the biggest natural enemy of failure is to escape, when children fail to encourage them to face it calmly, they will get more opportunities to exercise
√ expand your horizons, take your children to participate in some public welfare, or labor-oriented activities, and change your perception of failure by expanding your horizons
√ can withstand criticism - the so-called "bystander clear", the criticism of others may be the key to the problem, know how to be humble and enterprising, in order to examine themselves
The Fourth: The "Bitterness" of Separation
Independent children, is in the independent thought, independent behavior, including independent life, everyone can not face the separation, but an excellent life is not "difficult to give up the separation", but "how to reunite", if the child's vision is limited to the family, limited to the parents, then their independence can not be perfected, and can not face every unknown in learning and even growth.
Some people say that "all the love in life is for aggregation, and the love of parents is for separation", in fact, the difference brought by parental love is not distance, but to let the child become an independent individual as soon as possible, it can be said that the sooner this independence is separated, the easier it is to succeed, and the growth of everyone and even children is actually a process of gathering and dispersing, and there is separation and harmony.
From the child weaning, dividing the room, going to school to boarding, the two places are separated, or the child changes classes, schools, and teachers, all of this, although there are too many reluctances, but each separation has quietly planted our cherishing, strength and self-reliance, emotion is the strongest and warmest air purification in the world, guiding children to turn "the pain of separation" into "reunion love", and believe that everywhere is a moving flower full moon under the purification of emotional yearning.
In fact, how to turn the "pain of separation" into "reunited love" parents should be reflected in the following aspects:
The bitterness of √ separation is not recommended to be reflected in the 5-minute transition of 10 minutes and half an hour of the playground before the age of 2, exercising the child's independence in the case of sufficient security, and also paving the way for the 7 and 8-hour separation of the kindergarten
√ love and safe separation are based on friendship and mutuality, and if every separation with the child is based on the result of common consultation, separation is naturally not a cry of helplessness like life and death for the child
√ when the child is separated from the things he cares about most, we can establish special communication channels for the child, such as the separation of the teacher and the good friend, and can accompany the child to visit the house during the holidays
In the child's growth education, in fact, the effort to grow not only the child himself, every experience, loss or gain, for parents is also a new rebirth, hope that the child is good, parents not only have to be willing to let the child eat the above five kinds of suffering, in daily life but also with the child generally dare to bear hardships, dare to face, in this world there is no education more powerful than the parents' words and deeds, eat the children's suffering, take the road that the child takes, the world is so big, and we and the child's heart is on a horizontal line This is the highest state in education!
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I am Lan Ma, focusing on the analysis of the parenting field author, with personal examples, a variety of family education examples, to record the moment of parenting feelings, like friends, welcome to pay attention to @ Lan Mama talk about parenting together to learn and grow together!