From looking like each other, to sharing the same bed and dreaming; from the sea oath mountain alliance, to the occasional sneaky;
What does it feel like to be fishy? I asked an elder sister in her thirties, and she said this:
"At first it felt very exciting, then a little uneasy, then a little numb, and now it feels: It doesn't matter..."
Here's her story.
First, the three cases of derailment
She said that women mostly cheat in three situations.
The first is that from the husband, emotional, material, or otherwise unsatisfied.
In this case, in fact, the two parties to the marriage are not happy. They would often quarrel over trivial matters, or many days of cold war.
Mutual incomprehension leads to a gradual increase in strangeness. No one to tell the truth, nowhere to vent emotions, people will slowly be shrouded in loneliness.
Of course, this situation is also the most likely situation to be interfered with by a third party.
The second, bad habits, obsessed with that sense of excitement, gradually become addicted.
This kind of infidelity is often not mixed with any feelings.
The degree of mutual dependence between the two parties who cheated is not high, but only "temporary use of each other".
Today's society is highly open.
The frequent change of friends of the opposite sex before marriage can easily lead to the "excitement" brought by strangers after marriage.
The third is a long-term separation from another.
The economic development of coastal cities and inland cities is very uneven.
In order to obtain higher returns, couples often live in different places. Over time, when loneliness strikes, it seeks a spiritual and physical catharsis.
If both men and women have difficulty controlling themselves, "stealing" is inevitable.
Second, the painful struggle
But the cheerfulness is only temporary. After the euphoria, there is a burst of inner pain and struggle.
In this painful struggle, three mental activities are often accompanied:
The first is the fluke mentality.
The person who steals can never get back to his original self.
At first, they were lucky, thinking that they were clever and would never be discovered. However, as everyone knows, it is precisely because of this fluke psychology that they will have a second and third time... Countless times...
Until the East Window incident was discovered.
Gambler-like "fluke mentality"
The second is guilt.
Once you betray your marriage, guilt strikes.
Especially the first person to betray her marriage, whenever the night is quiet, she will always fall into deep guilt, self-blame, and sometimes even, helplessness and fear.
Sometimes, they also warn themselves that this is the last time.
But it backfires, and when the hormones rise, the time is ripe for a next time soon.
The third is the psychology of contrast and condemnation.
Out of instinctive self-protection, the cheating party will always unconsciously find an excuse to comfort himself when he condemns himself.
This comforting way is presented by condemning the other party to the marriage, with praise for the object of infidelity:
(1) Belittling the other party in the marriage: it's all because he or she has too many flaws! After getting married, I don't care about me, I don't have interest, I don't care, I don't care, I don't care, I don't care,
(2) Praise the object of the cheating: blame him (her) for being too charming, too considerate...
It is the most common way to console oneself by comparing the other party of marriage to the person who cheated on him.
Third, the inevitable collapse result
As the saying goes, "There is no impermeable wall".
No matter how clever the means, stealing is a chronic poison.
After a brief moment of pleasure, the thief falls into endless mental and physical suffering.
Eroded by this poison, the marriage gradually disintegrated and eventually collapsed.
They will pay for their actions, or lose their spouse's trust in themselves, or be completely abandoned by love and suffer for a lifetime.
However, the destruction of a perfect marriage is eternally irreversible.
He cried bitterly and said:
A person's life is short, and youth is even more short.
Perhaps in this lifetime, you will only encounter such a happy marriage, once missed, it is a lifetime of misses!
Desire everyone has, can control it, you are the master;
If you can't control it, you will become a slave to your desires;