Kevin Xu, Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology: Happy Parents, Healthy Children - How to Reduce Stress for Children in the Era of Double Reduction

Hosted by Tencent News and Tencent Parenting, the 2021 Tencent Smart Parenting Annual Ceremony was successfully held in Beijing on January 11, bringing together experts and scholars in the field of parenting, maternal and infant big V, industry associations and institutional representatives, with the theme of "Journey to the Future, All the Way to Children", to analyze and discuss the current parenting environment, children's education hotspots and maternal and infant trends, and to seek valuable and innovative parenting concepts for the healthy development of mothers and babies. Kevin Xu, a doctor of clinical psychology and a psychiatrist, as a heavy speaker at the event, delivered a keynote speech entitled "Happy Parents, Healthy Children - How to Reduce Stress for Children in the Era of Double Reduction".

The following is a transcript of the scene:

I am Kevin Xu, I am a Doctor of Clinical Psychology and a neurologist. In the original neurology department is a very partial department, 24 years ago when I was a psychiatrist, the psychiatric hospital at the door of the sparrow, and now the psychiatric hospital is very popular. I feel a little depressed, why? Because the impact of this epidemic on the entire human race is too great, I don't know when it will end. Mental health will become the world's obvious school, because each of us is affected by some problems, but these problems are most affected by our children, for the simple reason that the stress and anxiety of adults will be transferred to children. To a large extent, many of the problems that children have now have to do with the fact that many of the anxieties and stresses that parents, adults, including us as professionals, pass on to children.

So my topic is called "Happy Parents, Healthy Children". In fact, what I want to say is, why are our children mentally unhealthy? It's because we parents are too unhappy, parents are too anxious, parents are too unable to see what their children really want.

The first thing I wanted to talk about was the elephant in the room, the increasingly prominent mental health problems of children and adolescents. Why am I talking about this? It is because 12 years before that, I worked in the Psychological Counseling Center of Peking University from 2009 to last year, and my work at Peking University was mainly psychological counseling and crisis intervention. I found that I was more and more needed, to become an increasingly important person in the school, because all the departments had to come to me, because our college students, the college students of the top universities, had a serious psychological crisis. Almost every three stubbles and five stubbles, or even every day to deal with.

We see a phenomenon called school attendance with illness. Before the students entered the university, the mental health situation was a very bad situation, and we kept advancing our interventions, to the military training camps, and even to the time of admission, because they came to school with very serious mental health problems. Even the best children in school, even the best in Qingbei, the best academic performance, the most talented children are still extremely anxious, self-denial, self-depreciation, and even self-harm.

And what happened to this child before college? Let's look at some basic data, which are the latest 2021 data, and the just completed national surveys are authoritative data. The National Mental Health Survey is done every year, and now the depression of children and adolescents is 24.6%, and a quarter of children have depressive symptoms, not depression, but depressive symptoms, when did it reach the level of depression? To the extent of mental illness? How much do you need to go to peking university sixth courtyard and go to no. 600 Wanping South Road to see a doctor? That's 17.5% of adolescents with mental disorders, and when I was a psychiatrist, in 1997, how many Chinese mental disorders were? 1%。 How much is it now? It was 17.5%, an increase of nearly 18 times. And this is the best period of economic development in our Chinese history, the country is peaceful, the people are rich, but in fact, it brings a problem, that is, while the material is rich, the heart may be barren.

Our children are now afraid of everything, very fragile, but they are not afraid of death, not afraid of injury. Do you know? According to a nationwide survey conducted by Nanjing Brain Hospital, the incidence of non-self-injurious suicide in children and adolescents worldwide is 19.5%, and China is much higher than the global level, which is 27.4%. In our psychiatric clinics, what is the proportion of suicide, self-injury, or non-suicidal self-injury, and self-harm behavior that is not for the purpose of suicide? 15.9%, and teenagers.

I'm a post-70s, my daughter just started in the second grade, and then there was self-harm behavior among her good friends, every class, and not only the north, but also the north, The Broad and Deep, this is the research we recently did. We sampled a wide range of international schools, public schools, first-tier cities, second-tier cities, third-tier cities, and the lowest percentage of all of these cities that clearly stated that they were suicidal was 22.9 percent, and the highest was 37.1 percent. Of course I have suicidal tendencies and thoughts doesn't mean I'll do it, how much has I done? Probably nearly 100,000 people a year, which are people who commit suicide. After the epidemic, this situation is two or three times higher than in previous years, and the leaders of the education bureaus I have contacted now tell me that this number is not dare to say, because it is much more serious than the original.

Why is this happening? That's the main question I'm going to talk to you about next, and I think today we're talking about parenting, and the most important question in parenting is how do we understand our teens. Just now Teacher Lu mentioned that we need a key to open this knot, sometimes we just can't open it, hard punch also have to beat this heart open, and finally punch to the breakdown of parent-child relationship, why there are so many parent-child conflicts, why are children so depressed, unhappy, we have everything, material so rich, but we are mentally and psychologically unhappy, this is absurd.

I think there are three main levels of problems here, and I will focus on the second and third ones today. The first academic pressure, after the epidemic so many problems are not psychiatrists or psychologists in rendering this situation how serious, the people of the whole country know, I know that last year the two sessions of children and adolescents health problems became a hot issue, I also participated in the national health commission seminar, this seminar, we began to discuss a lot of ways should use what drugs, how to do publicity, and finally I mentioned a point that academic pressure can not be reduced, do not expect, our children can not even sleep early, Don't expect mental health. This has also become a national consensus, do you know that there is a double reduction policy behind it, and the pressure of the double reduction policy has been reduced? Objectively, it has decreased a lot, but what I want to say is that if the parents' mentality does not change, the parents are still so anxious, and the parents are still giving their children a lot of inner conflicts and anxieties, or cannot understand the children, and the most likely problem will not be solved.

After I left Peking University now, I founded a psychological counseling center, most of my clients are teenagers, I will find that our business is getting better and better, our consultation volume this year is two to three times that of previous years, soon after 4,000 person-times, why are there so many visitors, teenagers are a very important level, how do adolescent problems arise? I would like to make a few points.

The first point, I want to talk about generational differences, often talk about generation gaps, but what I want to say is that we are now much more serious than before. I and my parents also have a generation gap, we are 20, 30 years apart, there must be a generation gap, but now the generation gap is not three years there is a generation gap, maybe children of the same age, they can accept different cultures, they will all have a generation gap, and we and our children experience the most rapid development period in the history of our country, which means that our culture, our system have a very huge change, coupled with the internet, this Internet has changed the whole world, in this case, Our generational differences are getting bigger and bigger.

I would like to say a word, this sentence is that I think our parents are very simple, we have been doing the carving of the boat and the sword, what does this mean? Let me give you a few examples, one day I have a colleague from Peking University, he is also a professor doctoral supervisor, he contacted me, he said that his children refuse to go to school, more children who refuse to go to school, I said by the way, about the refusal to learn and boredom, I also asked my daughter, I said how many people in your class, you think it may be bored with school, of course, we are not very rigorous research. She said who isn't tired of school now? She said our class was tired of school, and I knew she was bored because when I picked her up every day, the first thing she said every morning when she got up was that I didn't want to go to school, and of course she would still go. So why are you bored with school? Did I say that high percentage? Did I tell her that studying is not interesting? She said that it is very interesting to study, to study history, to learn geography, but when I was studying, I ran out of my head that this is the test center, this is something to be tested, once it becomes a test center, learning is not interesting, because you can't remember to fail the exam, after the exam fails, you will experience a series of setbacks and denials.

Looking back at my colleague, he told me what if my child refused to go to school in the third year of junior high school? He said I couldn't understand the current child, I said what's going on? He said that the third grade child said that I was too simple, he said that my husband and I are very simple, simple in mind, how can we be simple in mind, I am also a doctoral supervisor, right? Good or big professor, how simple am I? But I told him that I've been in contact with so many teenagers, and I think we're so simple, and it's so simple for us to be parents now. The reason is very simple, that is, when we are in adolescence, our values are particularly single, five lectures, four beauty, three loves, and learn from Lei Feng's good example. So we don't have a conflict of values, and we're very adamant about what the values of our lives are, and what are right? What's wrong? What is good? What's bad. But our children are faced with an Internet world, they began to read Heidegger in elementary school, they put forward a variety of values, they are more precocious than us, but their values are also more chaotic, there is no good guidance and education, school education is already insufficient, plus all school education is only intellectual education, no moral education, no morality, no morality, intellectual, physical and aesthetic work, nothing else. In this case, our children are particularly prone to falling into a conflict of values without guidance, and their minds are very complicated. A schoolboy talked to me about Heidegger, and he talked about philosophy.

On the second level, we are particularly easy to carve a boat and ask for a sword, what does this mean? Everyone knows this story, right? The sword fell in the river, and we went to look for it when we were at the river, what does this mean? We often measure our children today in terms of our experiences and experiences when we were young, when we were young, when we were young, and when we were children. I give you an example, I once consulted a high school student, twice to the roof of the school, twice rescued, very dangerous, she is not joking, she is not threatening, almost an accident, her parents are college professors, the family is very anxious to find me to do counseling, after they sat down, the family of three began to quarrel, do you know what the problem is? What is happiness?

The three of you started by discussing with me what happiness is. As soon as the issue was discussed, it was quarrelsome again, and what did his parents say about happiness? His parents are after 60, from the northern countryside one question after another to achieve a doctorate graduation, and then now is a teacher in Beijing universities, and then his parents' answer is what is happiness? To eat enough and dress warmly is to be happy. Eat well and dress warmly, and life is very happy. As soon as the child heard this, he was anxious, and he said no wonder you said all day long that I was born in the blessing and did not know the blessing, that it is called happiness when I am full and warm, and that I have never felt unhappy that I am not full of food, clothing, and warmth, so you always accuse me.

And then I said, "What is happiness for you?" What I want to say is that the answer to this question is basically the same after 00 and 05 in my contact, I don't know if the parents here know or not, the answer is if I can be treated by my parents' equal respect and dialogue, this is happiness. As soon as this child said this, his parents after 60 were anxious, what was the hurry? He said how are we unequal and disrespectful? We are democratic enough to let you decide everything, and then this child's rebuttal is right, you will listen to my opinions in everything, let me make a decision, and finally you will prove that my decision is wrong, and I have to listen to you.

Do you know? I once intervened in a Peking University child, suicide attempt, rescued, rescued back to find that she did not have any reason to commit suicide, family happiness, parents marriage relationship is also good, she is also good in school, why should she die? She didn't know it herself. After my in-depth long-term consultation with her, we explored, of course, this is not necessarily all the reasons, but what is the very important reason? "It's my parents who never knock when they come in and I don't knock, they don't respect me, they can decide everything about me at will." From this he came to this conclusion, and I discussed the problem with his parents, and his parents' reaction was why I entered the door of my house and knocked on the door. This is my own home, do I need to knock on the door when I enter my daughter's room?

When I was a kid, I never had to knock on the door, my parents came in casually, and I wasn't angry at all. But our children, influenced by other cultures, have a stronger sense of personal independence, and may turn this matter into a sign of whether I have a sense of existence. So you know a lot of our kids will say this, say that over the years, I have never lived, never lived for myself, so for them, it seems that it is a matter of giving up their lives easily, because this is not mine.

In addition, under such circumstances, we have given them high expectations and encouraged the growth of seedlings. I say one more thing, I myself am very impressed, that is, last year is about to celebrate the New Year, the third day of the Chinese New Year, I live in the teachers' community of Peking University, and then I have a colleague, in fact, we have not met, but he knows me, I am still quite famous in Peking University, because many people look for me. Then he called me and said very anxiously, can you come to our house to intervene in the crisis, we live in the same neighborhood. I said what happened, he said the child was going to have an accident, what happened? Saying that he had a serious conflict with his father, and the conflict was so serious that he wanted to run away from home and would not let him run away from home, he threatened to commit suicide. A lot of times parents will feel that the child is a threat, you have to know that the child is a threat now, if you let him thwart, he really does it, he really does it, I know this is also very anxious, it is really dangerous.

I asked him what was going on. When my mother told me, my father snatched the phone at once, he said Teacher Xu, I came to tell you what's going on, his father is also a professor in our school, he said you must think that I am too demanding of my child, I hope he goes to a famous school, I have no requirements for him, he is admitted to any university, I recognize, I have laid flat, I am a father who lies flat. I said, what else are you angry about? He said that there is a bottom line for being a person, my son has no bottom line for being a person, and I am thinking that what does his son do is a bottomless thing? Was it drug use or prostitution? None. He said I'm an adult, what's my bottom line as an adult? I have to go to work, right? I also don't like to go to work, but if I don't go to work, who will support my family, so this is my bottom line as a person. So as a student, is the bottom line of being a person to do homework? Then I found out that I checked it, he last semester, I didn't care about him for a semester, after a semester of reading, he had 120 homework failures, and he suddenly broke the bottom line of being a father.

So his dad was very anxious, he quarreled with his son, I said that when he said this, I didn't particularly understand the situation, so I went to my daughter, I went to my adolescent mental health consultant, she knew more about the situation of teenagers than I knew, so I asked my daughter, my daughter is a classmate with his son, I said do you turn in your homework? I asked this question, and she would definitely tell me the truth, because I helped my daughter with her homework, and I never forced my daughter to do her homework because I was so distressed, at 11 or 12 o'clock, the homework was not finished, so I helped her with her homework. But I don't know, because my children are older, the children I just talked about are younger, do you know how difficult it is for children to do their homework now?

The science homework of professors at Peking University and Tsinghua University cannot be done, and we can barely do a little liberal arts homework, do a little history, do a little language, and do a little English, but history is very difficult, because the history questions are directly extracted from the "Twenty-Four Histories", and the ancient text cannot be understood, and you can't even understand the meaning of this topic. Then the vocabulary in the middle of junior high school has been more than 3000, I later verified that it is really like this, 3600, the fourth level is only 3000, so it is really difficult. Her English problems are not easy to do, do I tell her about homework? He said that in their class, girls can basically complete their homework, crying to finish their homework, because 11 or 12 o'clock has not been done, too tired, but must finish the homework, while crying while writing the homework. What about boys? Half of the boys don't turn in their homework, they have given up lying flat, they are more daring to resist, so it seems that not doing homework, it is not like the situation that we really gave up their studies 30 years ago, but a common situation, the general reason is not that the child is too fragile, but the homework burden is too heavy and too heavy.

So in such a situation, why do we always say that our children are vulnerable? I think it is true that as a counselor, especially in schools, I see children becoming more and more vulnerable, and when I am in military training camps, they collapse on the first day of the right step, that is, they collapse when they kick the right step. But why is that? I think the key point is that our criteria for evaluating children are too single, and we only use academic performance as the only criterion for evaluating them, so everything else is as long as the academic performance is good. Just a lot of families gave this example, don't do anything, all your time is spent on learning, you even filial piety to parents, to give parents a glass of water will be rejected by the child's parents, so under such an extremely single value evaluation system, my academic performance has become my only self-evaluation standard. Do you know what the consequences of this are? I'll give an extreme example, but it's a universal phenomenon.

An extreme example is when I once knew a high school student whose parents were bankers and then in a city in the South where the family was very wealthy, but I would find that she studied very hard and was a girl. She studied very hard, and later I found that she started from junior high school to high school, she studied longer and longer, from 11 o'clock to 12 o'clock, to 1 o'clock, to her second semester of high school it was almost three or four o'clock, and then she had self-harm behavior, had already had the idea of trying to kill herself, at that time I quickly warned her parents to rush her to the hospital, she had to be treated, first had to save her life. Then after she was in the hospital for two days, she was discharged quickly. I asked her why she was discharged from the hospital, and she said that it was going to be the final exam soon, and the first place in the exam was her persona, she was the first place in her private international school, and she had to keep this persona, otherwise she was nothing, so every time she worked hard to keep the first place. Then she was discharged from the hospital, and after she was discharged, I also told her parents to take care of her, and she may be in danger now. Psychiatrists also judge in this way.

Then two weeks later, her mom called me and said that the child had ended his life with the chemistry she had learned, which was a real case. So what I want to say is, as if we are crazy about the pursuit of material, material satisfaction, for our generation, after 70, we were still relatively poor at that time, as if satisfying material will become the driving force of our lives, but now children, material satisfaction, there are many such examples, because of the time relationship, I will not tell you about it, but what I want to say is that our children have been materially satisfied, if they do not give them more beautiful and noble goals, they will dislike themselves more and more, Don't like your own results, and then all of us social pressures are placed on these children.

So I also want to say, we are parents, what kind of child do we want, as long as he has good grades, nothing else can do it? For example, the parent-child relationship is very bad, I once had a visitor who was a college entrance examination winner, a famous college entrance examination winner of a certain province, but he and his mother did not speak for half a year, the parent-child conflict was serious, and the parent-child conflict I saw here was so serious that it was more divided. Then this child is anxious and unhappy all day long, including the children of the highest schools, the incidence of this problem is very, very high, but we still want a life that may not be as prominent as academic performance, but the parent-child relationship is good, they feel happy and happy, we want to choose what kind of life for the child, many times, we think to push him to a path of our own success, let him repeat our life, achieve some kind of academic or career success, make a lot of money, Then getting some houses is the success and happiness of life, but now the child does not want this. Junior high school students, high school students told me, why don't I go to school, why should I go to school? I have to endure so much hardship to go to school is nothing more than to get into a good university, to get into a good university, and then what? It is nothing more than finding a good job, what is a good job? A good job is also a single, that is, to make more money. What about making more money? After earning more money, I am nothing more than going to a big factory to do social animals, 996 work, or tired, such a life I want? I don't want it myself, and I don't want kids anymore, because I don't want my kids to repeat this terrible persona. This is an objective reality, and I think the children are absolutely right. Our values are extremely distorted, we are lost in the material, which is why so many mental health problems arise.

So then because of the limited time, we very simply talk about the phenomenon of hollow heart disease, almost ten years ago, I found that this situation occurred among our students, I originally thought that only the children of famous schools would be like this, I did it later, there should be nearly 100 students in the country now, and there are about 8,000 middle school students who have done such an assessment, I invented the method of assessment, is to evaluate such a phenomenon, I want to tell you that this is a universal phenomenon, and whether it is a famous university has nothing to do with it, It doesn't matter if it's college students or not, it's universal, and I don't know what the value and meaning of life is.

This is what causes them to be depressed and even self-harming behavior or even to give up their lives, and why is it that depression may be considered refractory in the case of a psychiatrist? Medication didn't work, electric shocks didn't work, hospitalization didn't work, because I didn't know where the value and meaning of my life was. His behavior is depression, so he will be diagnosed with depression, but taking medicine is useless, and then he will be extremely lonely, lonely to the point of no connection to the world, I have nothing to do with the world, so I can leave at any time because I have no sense of meaning. Then the lack of self, I don't know who I am and what kind of person I want to be.

So the person I just said, the first place is my persona, I have a visitor is a student of the highest school, in the highest school he can take the top three, but what are his values in life? I don't allow others to be better than me, so all my motivation to learn is to be stronger than others, and then desperately study, just for this purpose, and finally he exhausted, suspended, and even withdrew.

So we are so smart people supported by some meaningless goal in their own lives, where does this life come from the sense of meaning, so I don't know what kind of person I want to be, we lack noble leadership, I don't know what kind of person I am, I need others to tell me, what kind of person I am, how can others tell me? I want to get the affirmation of my parents, the affirmation of my parents, the affirmation of my teachers, I can only use the so-called best grades to meet them, if I can't satisfy them, I will lie flat, I will give up, I will withdraw from school, suspend, refuse to study.

So the child who so-called successfully adapted to such an environment is also extremely tired, because he needs to please and please everyone. And then in this case, I was very surprised at first, obviously so golden student, you have so many obvious advantages, so smart, so talented, so thoughtful, but you are extremely self-denial, this denial makes no sense. I think life is narcissistic, we all like ourselves This is the most basic, I don't like myself, how others like me. But he really didn't like himself, why? The reason is simple, I'm doing utilitarian things that I think are worthless and meaningless, and I'm learning for academic performance, not learning for the sake of learning itself.

I do research for the sake of graduation, not to explore the mysteries of science, so when I am driven by extremely utilitarian goals to do things that I feel terrible for myself, and when I have to do them, I hate myself more and more. Because this is contrary to human nature, there is a suicidal tendency in this case, because life is worthless and meaningless and then very tired, and there is nothing pleasant to do, looking forward to the future of being a social animal, just to earn money. Then we already have three or four apartments in the house, and my parents have accumulated wealth, so what purpose do I have in life? More and more problems of this dimension arise in this context. At this level, I think it is fundamentally a question of values. The problem of values, in fact, a similar situation has long appeared in the West, the basic situation is individualism, nihilism, extreme consumer society, everything can be bought and sold, capital and material alienation and heterogeneity of people. In such a situation, in fact, why there are so many drugs in the West, why there are so many so-called sexual liberation, is not to say that sexual repression is right, but excessive sexual liberation and promiscuity are obviously also problems. And why so many heavy metals and rock music are such a process for Western youth to find their inner home. Including falling into nihilism because you can't find the answer.

In these cases, some of these Western cultures are also increasingly eroding our teenagers. Do you know about funeral culture? We are now very depressed in our children, and even the extreme of suicide as a game abounds. This is a problem. On the other hand, from the perspective of our education, it has now begun, and in general, I am very supportive of education reform, because before that, we have turned education into a commodity, and what I saw in the elevator advertisement this time last year was "you come, I train your children, you don't come, I cultivate your children's competitors", which nakedly stimulates the anxiety of parents. With our love for children, we are anxious to force children to learn and force children out of problems, so double subtraction has initially solved these problems, but the fundamental thing is not just such an industry, but the utilitarianism behind it, utilitarian values.

So of course, there will be problems in passing on such values among teachers, of course, as long as the children are forced into the so-called famous universities, it is the greatest success in life, and the next is to enter the famous universities. What should I do when I enter the big factory, my annual income has been two or three hundred thousand, and then what to do? What else, what do I pursue?

Finally, I want to talk a little bit about healing. First of all, what is the very big difference between our Chinese culture and Western culture? Western culture believes that people are born evil, and our psychology and psychoanalysis are analyzing the evil of human nature and the pathology of human nature, but Chinese culture has always believed that this is the most fundamental thing of our culture, inheritance. Man has a taoist heart, a man of virtue, mencius said, what is man? Man is the heart of lateral concealment, what is the heart of compassion?

We have an obstetrician here, and a little baby in the delivery room cries, and when he cries, other children cry, and this is the earliest empathy. We can understand other people's pain and want to help them solve it. Including Buddhism, there are also people who have self-confidence, to summarize simply, Wang Yangming is a master of Confucianism, and when the study of mind mentions a basic insight into human nature, I am very much in favor of it. It is "Lady, the Heart of Heaven and Earth." Knowing without worrying, not learning but being able, the so-called conscience. "I am born with a conscience, I am a thief with a weak heart, I have done something that contributes to others, to society, to my family, to the country, to the nation, I affirm myself." If I'm doing boring, meaningless things all day long, of course I'm self-denying and depressed.

My phD thesis is a study of antisocial personality disorder done in prisons, the worst prisoners in prisons, murderers, he has a conscience, after our psychotherapy, will awaken his empathy ability, awaken the people in his heart, he will want to become a Buddha, this is not a religious story, this is an objective reality. Then I and Professor Yin of Hunan Normal University, I do hollow research, what does he do? He did research on the conscience of young people, and my concept is that hollowness is the reason for the lack of conscience, not that our children lack conscience, but that we have not received such education and guidance, so we lack this conscience. What is Professor Yin's research? It is a sense of gratitude, filial piety, responsibility, right and wrong, compassion, shame, forgiveness, and integrity, in fact, this is not exactly the result of research, benevolence, righteousness, wisdom and faith are nothing more than these, which is the most essential part of our traditional culture.

We will find that the more hollow the child, the more he lacks these gratitude, filial piety, and responsibility. In reverse, it is precisely because of the lack of education like this, as long as we have good grades, gratitude or gratitude is not important, whether there is filial piety to parents is not important, whether there is responsibility for society is not important, whether it is clear between right and wrong is not important, as long as you have good grades, you can break the law. Then there is no compassion, compassion, the heart to help others, at this time our hearts are empty, and when we are empty, we deny ourselves, because this is contrary to our nature, and in the end we do not even like ourselves, and even want to give up our lives.

So I will think that in our current era, why there are some stars, stars have some things that violate social morality, and the people of our country are against him, because we all want our stars in our hearts, our various characters are people who are also worthy of our admiration in character, and now is an era that needs to return to values, an era that needs to be cultivated by virtue. When our education returns to Lide Shuren, we may not have cultivated a student from the highest school, but he is a child of good character, happy and happy, and a child who spends a beautiful life with us. Instead of such a child who fights every day and does not even speak, this is the real meaning of family education or school education.

So the key point is that parents adjust their mentality and values, and people often ask me, how do you treat the problem of children's hollow heart disease? What I want to say is to cure our own hollow heart disease first, if we do moral education, we know different things, we can't be virtuous, and if we have good character, we teach our children to be hypocrites, and children will hate us more and look down on us more, so we first cure our own hollowness, and then cure our children's hollowness.