Liu Qiaoling is an attending physician and a national second-level psychological counselor
He has been practicing medicine for 23 years, engaged in psychological counseling for 15 years, studying and researching the Satya model psychological counseling system for 7 years, psychological counselor of the whole army strong army network and air force strong army network, satya family therapist, group psychological trainer.
Specialty: Family therapy, personal growth, hypnotherapy, psychological adjunctive therapy for patients with anxiety, depression, and sleep disorders.
Something happened recently that gave me some new thoughts about my children's education.
Here's the thing, I have two daughters, the second is called Youyou, this year in the second grade, all the time, the grades are not bad, I don't care much about her grades, because my husband is a college teacher, I believe he has enough ability to tutor children.
However, in recent times, in the statistics of the learning situation released by the teacher, the number of excellent oral arithmetic problems has been more wrong than before. This situation also immediately made the husband aware, and soon developed a verbal arithmetic training plan for the child, about 100 questions per day, the beginning is not bad, there will be individual errors, the husband is not happy, but the emotions are still controllable, although there is no praise nor criticism.
A few days later, Youyou's verbal calculation is still a big mistake, a small mistake is still the same, which makes the husband's suppressed emotions explode instantly. I think that not only did it scare me at that time, but Youyou was also scared enough, I put down the work in my hand, walked over to my husband and waved his hand, let him go out to breathe, calm down and come back. I put my hand behind the child's back and tried to give her some support, and I guessed she must have been frightened.
I asked her if she knew why she was doing the problem and making a mistake? It doesn't seem like she can't do it wrong.
She said that every time she did the problem, she was afraid that she would not be able to finish it, so she was anxious, and she was afraid of doing the wrong thing and her father said that she was. When she said this, her husband standing next to her said, "Did I say you before?" I didn't say you! ”
Youyou said, "You didn't say anything about me, but your face is like this, and your mouth is like this." Saying that she learned the way her father looked at that time, a look of disdain, the corners of her mouth were still skimmed to the side, amusing me and my husband.
I asked her, "Daddy, how do you understand that?" She said: "I think Dad is saying, always do wrong, this child is not saved." ”
The child's words surprised me a little, the eight-year-old child does not understand emotions as we think, she can fully read the emotions of her parents. The husband laughed at the side, as if he had been said to be right, and the anger just now disappeared from his body.
This discovery also gave me a new understanding of my understanding and management of emotions. I remember a brain scientist in the United States named Gul Bolt Taylor, who suffered a stroke at the age of 37 and later recovered. During her illness, she did research on the physiological response of emotions and brains, and later she wrote in her book "Stroke Revelation", which mentioned that it took 90 seconds for emotions to start from the beginning to the chemical components of emotions to completely dissipate from the blood, and after 90 seconds, the automatic response of emotions was over.
This study shows that the pain of an automated response to emotions is unavoidable, and when emotions come, if you let yourself and the feeling stay with this feeling for a while within 90 seconds, the automated response will end. Some people may ask, I have been in the end of everything for a long time, but why do I still get stuck in that emotion and can't get out?
This is another topic I'm going to talk to you about today, where the automated reactions caused by emotions are unavoidable. But after the automated reaction is over, our feelings about this reactivity are selective.
If you choose to grasp this reactive feeling, blame the other person, blame yourself, let yourself feel wronged, regret, regret, and live in this cycle continuously, then the impact of this feeling will last a long time.
There is also a choice to pause, let go of the accusations against yourself and others, only with your own feelings, this time you can close your eyes, put your hands on the part of the body feelings, and use some of your own resources to nourish your feelings. Next I will list some of the categories of resources, acceptance, recognition, advice, appreciation, thanksgiving, belonging, freedom, forgiveness, gratitude, hope, hug, comfort, deep breathing, courage, understanding, respect, rest, love, etc., you can choose any three to give feelings, see how you feel after doing so. Wouldn't it be easier?
I remember one time when I felt my anger like a big balloon full of gas about to explode, or like a bomb, I was aware that I had a lot of accusations, some against others and some on my own, and within 90 seconds I couldn't sit myself down and walk around the house. After 90 seconds I let myself sit down, put my hand on my chest, and when the thought of accusation appeared, I consciously told myself to put it down, to put it down, and when the accusatory hand was put down, I thought I could hug the anger, and when I did, the big balloon slowly became smaller, and my whole body became much more relaxed and happy, and then I had more energy to do what I wanted to do.
Today's sharing is here, understanding and managing emotions is the beginning of a person's love for themselves, but also our life's homework, I hope my sharing can bring help to everyone. Thank you to everyone around you, thank you for every moment!
Article author: Liu Qiaoling
【WeChat:skdjwz】
Organizer: Political Work Department of the Air Force of the Northern Theater
Issue: Issue 1311
Editor of this issue: Liu Xiaobing Liu Hanbao
Editor-in-Charge: Li Junlin
Text Coordinator: Liu Ruonan
Submission email: [email protected]
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