Introduction: Most parents love their children, but they always use the wrong way, using "love" to push their children farther and farther, and even leaving a shadow in the child's heart, and even generating hatred. However, in fact, between parents and children, only love is not enough, "mutual understanding" and "attention to communication" is very important.
Regarding moms, it has always been a topic that I dare not touch. For my mother, the feelings in my heart are always love and hate for her, and I often quarrel when I meet, and I often worry about her when I don't see her. It wasn't until I grew older and grew older that I gradually understood my mother's love.
Recently watched a movie "Everything About My Mother", the mother (Ji Peizhen) in the play is a hard-working, large and small woman, she not only has to dot her daughter who has graduated from college, take care of her mother-in-law who suffers from Alzheimer's disease, help her brother who comes out of the drug rehabilitation center, but also complain to the hospital director for her husband's transfer.
Mom (Ji Peizhen) used to be a woman with a dream, and before becoming a geography teacher, she had the opportunity to go to Antarctica. She was a researcher at the Institute of Oceanography when she was young, and on the day she was selected for the Antarctic expedition team, she found out that she was pregnant, and faced with the identity and "dream" of "mother", she chose the former and gave up the opportunity to go to the Antarctic expedition team.
In the film, the mother-daughter relationship between mother (Ji Peizhen) and daughter (Li Xiaomei) impressed me deeply. The emotional interaction between them also reminds me of my mom.
1. The love that mom gives.
The mother in the film unlocked the daughter's mobile phone without authorization, went to the daughter's work unit without saying a word, went to the daughter's rental house to sneak through the garbage can and found the cigarette butt, and then turned out the condom from the cabinet, peeked at the boyfriend photo in the daughter's mobile phone album, pieced together the whole picture of the child's life in the mind, and before the daughter spoke, she directly told the daughter to meet the boyfriend in the photo.
These episodes made me think of me and my mom.
From childhood to adulthood, my mother has to take care of me, from what color and style of clothes to wear, what kind of hairstyle to cut, to choose a major in college, and does not ask my opinion, whether I like it or not, whether I want it or not, it is my mother who decides for me, as long as I have objections, she will always be that sentence: I am for your own good.
And the cry in my heart is the same as the words of my daughter in the play: The most annoying thing from childhood to adulthood is that you manage me.
When I was a student, I liked to keep a diary, and everything that happened at school every day, including which boy I had a crush on, would also write it in it.
One day when I came home from school and found my mother reading my diary, I was suddenly furious, rushed over and took the diary out of my mother's hand, yelling at her: "Why do you read my diary, this is my privacy!" ”
And the mother's answer is the same as the mother's answer in the film: "I am your mother, can't I watch it?" ”
At that time, when I heard my mother's words, my heart was even more annoyed, and I felt that the woman in front of me seemed to be able to manage me as much as she wanted because she was my mother, so I took all the pocket money I usually accumulated and ran away from home.
I ran away from home for two days, living in a small, dilapidated private dormitory, and when I came home on the third day, my mother saw me come back, hugged me and cried bitterly, she was so beautiful, her hair was as messy as a straw nest that day, and a few wrinkles suddenly appeared on her face, and the whole person was haggard.
At that moment, I suddenly felt a heart-wrenching pain in my heart.
I've never been so rebellious since then, but only because I don't want my mom to be so sad again. But in my heart, I have a thorn that is "not understood."
2. Read this maternal love with comprehension.
Growing up, I saw the wider world, came into contact with more diverse people, with the development of the media era, more and more communication books and programs were born, let me know more about the more intimate relationships need to communicate and express, between parents and children, only love is far from enough.
Our post-80s and post-90s generation, most of the mothers are after 50 and 60, there are several children in the family, parents have no time to take care of a certain child, but the children are eager to get the attention and all the love of the mother.
Moreover, in those days, the average education of people was only at the junior high school level, and some did not even go to junior high school. It is already very good to be able to eat and wear warmth every day, as long as there are the most basic substances around, that is the greatest satisfaction.
However, in our generation, most people's academic qualifications are college degrees, family conditions and education are many times stronger than those of the mother's generation, we are not limited to material satisfaction, more is to hope to have a spiritual "sense of identity" with the mother.
And "sense of identity" is not the innate ability of both mothers and children, the need for continuous communication and running-in with each other, after a long period of precipitation, in order to slowly understand each other's thoughts and thoughts, and if each other is in a state of non-communication, even if they meet relatives every day, the heart will only become more and more distant, becoming "the most familiar stranger".
Most of our generation is an only child, and my mother takes us for her own life, so the attention that my mother did not get when she was a child, hoping that we could get it.
However, due to the poverty and lack of knowledge, there were no communication books in that era, they did not know how to communicate and express themselves in language before doing things, and they only cared about not wanting us to suffer from the suffering they suffered when they were young, and giving us all the food, clothing, and things they thought were good when they were young, paying attention to all of us, arranging our lives, and thinking that this was good for us.
They didn't think in their hearts that this would make us overwhelmed.
But if we think in a different position, we will find that my mother's love really poured out everything.
I was deeply impressed by a sentence that my mother often said to me when I was a child: "Although the conditions in our family are very general, my mother will also provide you with books by smashing pots and selling iron." ”
When I was a child, I didn't think this was a big deal, and I even thought that this sentence sounded very earthy, until I grew up working and earning money, I felt that this was my mother's simple and simple love, which was also my mother's deep love, she knew that she lacked the wings of knowledge, so she used her diligent hands to insert wings for me and let me fly to the sky to pursue my dreams.
I found out that I had always been supported by my mother's love, but she didn't have those wings, and she didn't know how to express it.
3. Use knowledge and communication to insert wings for love.
When I understood this love, my mother and I increased our communication with each other, opened our hearts, and found that
It turned out that my mother had always wanted to get close to my heart, but she didn't know what way to express it, and I was not happy to see that I was not happy, thinking that my love was not giving enough, so I doubled down on giving and took out all my heart.
When I communicated with her many times in the language and way that my mother understood, we understood the true thoughts of both parties, our hearts were really close, and the thorn that was stuck in our hearts when we were young was also removed.
Mom does not want to let me feel the suffering I suffered when I was a child, so I make decisions for everything, I want to give me all the good things, I don't like my mother's way of loving, I can use the knowledge I have learned and the ability to communicate and express, optimize in my next generation, eliminate the bad things of the previous generation, continue the good things, pass on from generation to generation, this is the best solution for love.
4) Thank you, Mom.
At the end of the film, the daughter asked her mother a sentence: For so many years, you have been living for others, for me, for this family, do you think it is worth it?
Mom smiled and replied: This is my choice, but you are different, mom hopes that you can live the life you want.
In reality, our mothers are not like this.
In the family's video collection, there are many photos of her mother when she was young, she wore two braids, her smile was so sweet, at that time she was still a young girl, but in the environment of that era, women had to get married early and have children, and women after marriage were trapped by the family, working hard for this family, and there was almost not much free time of their own.
They are willing to pay for the family, and exchange their lifelong youth for more choices for us. But don't they have any regrets in their hearts? And after we understand their love and know their efforts, we can now do our best to help them realize their unfinished dreams.
The daughter Li Xiaomei in the film is very unfortunate, her mother died of a terminal illness after they understood each other, Li Xiaomei passed the scientific expedition team selection examination after her mother's death, obtained the qualification certificate for releasing air balloons, and became a reporter for the Antarctic scientific expedition team, she helped her mother complete her unfulfilled wishes.
Most of our generation, compared with Li Xiaomei, are lucky, because our mothers are still around, and we still have the opportunity to understand them and hold their hands to accompany them to complete her dreams.
2022 is coming, we are another year old, and my mother has added some wrinkles. The wanderers who are running around hope that everyone can give their dearest mother a big hug.
And I wanted to say to her: Thank you, Mom. You gave me all the love of your life, and you also tolerated my little waywardness, and now that I have grown up, I understand your love. Mom, I love you very much, I will pass on this love in a better way, and I hope that your life will be complete, happy and healthy.
End。
Huaying Story's original works, focusing on the field of emotion and psychology, with heartfelt words, writing views and stories with attitude, grounding and power.
Today's topic discussion: 2022 is coming, what do you want to say to your mom? Welcome to leave a message to discuss.