After my mother married my father, she and her family were cut off

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Letters from readers

Muzi Lee:

How do I accurately evaluate my mom? My understanding is this:

1) You can only see the shortcomings of others, but you can't see the advantages of others;

2) Like to take advantage of small things, but absolutely cannot tolerate things that suffer losses;

3) In my mother's eyes, only my father and I and herself, other people are dispensable to her.

Since I can remember, my mother's relationship with her mother's family has been average, often saying bad things about her mother's family in front of me, at that time, I didn't quite understand the human condition, and I felt that my mother had suffered too many grievances.

Now, I am in my twenties, my mother and her mother's family have also broken off, even my grandparents, it is difficult to escape. Of course, my mother and my father's relatives could not come, but my father did not break off relations with his relatives, that was all.

A few days ago, when my mother mentioned in front of me again that my grandmother was not, I confronted my mother for the first time in my life: In your eyes, who is a good person except me and my father? When everyone turns face with you, is it really because others are full of shortcomings? How come you don't know how to reflect on yourself? Over the years, you and all your relatives in your mother's family have stopped interacting, is it really someone else who is calculating you and being mean to you?

At that time, my mother still scolded me vigorously: My son is not a mother, and I have raised you for more than twenty years.

Now, I would like to use my efforts to save the relationship between my mother and my relatives, but I can't do my mother's ideological work at all.

I was even a little worried: when I got married in the future, my mother would not be able to make trouble with my daughter-in-law.

So much so that I am now a little afraid to fall in love.

I would like to ask, what should I do in the face of such a difficult mother?

Muzi Li answered the reader's question:

Your mother's character, you want to change her, it is really difficult, because she has been doing things in this way for decades.

Thankfully, you grew up in such a family atmosphere and didn't become someone like your mom.

Some advice for you:

1) Don't try to change your mom;

2) You don't have the ability to repair the relationship between your grandmother and grandfather, so you are temporarily stranded;

3) Please be sure to believe in love, meet the girl you like, you must try to chase;

4) If you really have to face marriage, then you must not live with your parents after marriage;

5) When dealing with the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, you need to uphold the principle of helping and not helping relatives;

6) After you have a new family, use your ability to resolve the estrangement from relatives as much as possible.

There is a saying that there is only one mother, good and bad, all mothers.

Therefore, in the face of such a difficult mother, you can only admit your fate.