December 27, Langfang, Hebei. The 8-year-old daughter scored 58 points a month, and when the doctor's mother saw the child's test results, her blood pressure increased. Subsequently, he went to his own hospital for examination, and found that the cerebral blood supply was insufficient, myocardial ischemia and mild cerebral infarction. Ms. Li, the mother, said that she has been a doctor for more than ten years, and she was actually angry because she tutored her children to write homework, and it does not matter if she fails in the future, she still has to relax her mentality, calm her mood, and educate rationally.
Some netizens said that "do not tutor homework mother Cizi filial piety, a tutoring homework chicken flying dog jump." So, how can parents properly tutor their children to write homework, boundaries and principles? What should parents do when they are angry when they help their children write their homework? To this end, the China Youth Network reporter interviewed Luo Yumei, a teacher at Huashan Middle School of the Second Division of the Xinjiang Production and Construction Corps, and Yin Fei, deputy director of the Child Development and Family Education Research Center of the College of Educational Sciences of Nanjing Normal University, executive director of the China Family Education Society, and expert of the Children's Work Think Tank of the State Council's Working Committee on Women and Children, to discuss how parents can tutor their children's homework without getting angry.
Why are parents angry when tutoring their children's homework?
"Parents accompanying their children to write homework has become a major test of the relationship between husband and wife and parent-child relationship!" Luo Yumei believes that the reason why parents tutor their children's homework is that the knowledge reserves between parents and children are not the same, and some problems parents seem very simple, but because children do not have relevant knowledge, they will think it is very complicated.
She suggested that parents must correct their mentality, control their emotions, consider the problem from the perspective of the child, and accept the fact that the child will make mistakes. Encourage children more, give children a certain amount of self-confidence, and don't get angry with children because of learning.
Yin Fei believes that there are several main phenomena in the anger of parents when tutoring their children to write homework: one is to feel that the child is not serious, absent-minded, and does not cooperate well with the parents; the second is to feel that the child and the parents are not on the same channel, often answering questions that are not asked; the third is that the child's words and deeds are not good, and they are worried that bad habits will be formed if they develop.
"The root cause is that parents tutor their children with unprofessional homework." Yin Fei explained that the first is that the decomposition of knowledge is unprofessional. Tutoring children's homework, not to explain the knowledge mastered by people can be told to children, the presentation of knowledge is logical, many parents do not understand and do not care about this logic, often violate the logic of scientific knowledge dissemination and expression, casually increase the code, arbitrarily divergent knowledge of the explanation, so that children are confused.
The second is that the rules of children's learning are not professional. When parents help their children write homework, they often think that they understand, and they can understand the children to understand, in fact, it is not, the children's acceptance of knowledge is also regular, and they need to be gradual, in order to learn and teach, and guide the children according to the students' learning rules. Most parents do not have such learning psychological knowledge.
The third is that the understanding of children is not professional. The child's words and deeds have their own laws, such as the child's concentration law, memory law, cognitive law, etc., which are the basis for education and counseling children, and most parents do not have these basic knowledge of child development, and often misunderstand the child's behavior, "causing parents to be confused about the child's behavior, and even boiling down to the child's deliberate challenge to the parents' authority, which leads to emotional loss of control." ”
Luo Yumei, a teacher at Huashan Middle School of the Second Division of the Xinjiang Production and Construction Corps. Courtesy of respondents
What are the boundaries and principles for parents to properly tutor their children with homework?
When tutoring children's homework, there should be some boundaries and principles, Luo Yumei said that parents need to have a clear understanding: to accompany children to write homework, the purpose is not to teach them the answer to each question like a teacher, but to "accompany" and help children develop good habits.
As a parent, first lower your own identity, you should stand at the same starting point as your child and face the difficulties encountered in learning from the child's point of view. Treat yourself as a child and experience your child's learning.
"The difficulties encountered by children in learning or the difficulties encountered in life are a big problem for children, but they may not be a problem in the eyes of our adults." At this time, she said, parents should squat down with their children to help them get through the difficulties.
At home, parents should not play the role of a teacher, but should be very kind to the child's mood and care for the child's emotions as a parent. Only by taking care of the child's emotions and stimulating the child's interest, so that the child will better learn.
Yin Fei believes that parents tutor their children to write owners to help their children develop good habits, not necessarily to specifically guide their children to a certain knowledge point.
Boundaries and principles are first of all to cultivate the child's good habit of planning, that is, to return home every day and discuss with the child the arrangement of various affairs such as learning, labor, hobbies and other matters; that is, time planning, the formation of such good habits helps children slowly develop a sense of task and cultivate the initiative of learning.
Secondly, cultivate the good habit of children's concentration, that is, when children write homework, they can guide children to calm down, be undisturbed for a period of time, insist on doing one thing, and cultivate children's good habits of doing things efficiently.
Once again, cultivate good habits of related aspects of children's learning, such as reviewing before homework, using scratch paper during homework, and checking after writing homework.
Yin Fei said that parents should follow three principles for tutoring children's homework: one is that the process is more important than the result, that is, pay attention to the child's learning process and learning habits, rather than the answer to a specific knowledge point and topic; the second is to assist rather than replace, learning is the child's own business, parents tutoring children's homework is the role of the helper, not instead of replacing the child's learning, becoming the child's learning dependence and crutches; the third is to respect the law and professionalism, parents and school teachers to maintain communication and contact, more to the teacher to ask the teacher for the analysis of children's academic problems, Listen to the teacher's advice, pay attention to the child's learning within the ability of the parents, and avoid misunderstanding and harm to the child because of their own unprofessionalism.
Yin Fei, deputy director of the Child Development and Family Education Research Center of the College of Educational Sciences of Nanjing Normal University, executive director of the China Family Education Society, and expert of the Children's Work Think Tank of the Working Committee on Women and Children of the State Council. Courtesy of respondents
What should I do when I get angry when I tutor my child to write homework?
What should I do if I get angry when tutoring my child with homework? When Luo Yumei was tutoring her child's homework, she encountered this problem, she would first temporarily stop tutoring homework, then close her nagging mouth, run to the bathroom to wash her face, or take the opportunity to go outside to buy something, or go downstairs to throw a garbage, or go outside for a walk, "In short, it is to stop anger, I will tell the child: Think about it yourself, your mother is a little out of the way in advance." ”
"I also talk to my children about how I learned when I was a child and how I did it when I had difficulties." Secondly, in order to avoid tutoring homework birthdays, Luo Yumei will often chat with the child first, and every day when the child comes home, she will ask the child what challenges they encounter today? Any difficulties encountered? How did you overcome it?
"The child will take his learning difficulties and tell me, and then I will ask him, then how do we overcome this difficulty, how do we do it?" Then go back to the book, go back to the teacher's class, and then revisit it, if there is any place where the child will not, I will skillfully help the child sort it out. Luo Yumei said.
Yin Fei said that when parents tutor their children's homework, it is easy to get angry, and how to solve it also needs to be taken step by step. First of all, we must learn to prevent. People's anger has a development process, emotions will slowly accumulate, parents in the child's homework to pay attention to prevent their own negative emotions, such as understanding the child's personality, receiving feedback from the teacher, the child's homework is larger, the time to sleep is coming, etc., at this time, parents should pay attention to prevention in advance, so that there is a preset, there is preparation, there is a number in mind, accompany their children.
Second, we must form an assistance mechanism. Emotions are really up, it is difficult to control, each parent should form a mechanism for family members to help each other in the family according to their own personality, such as husband and wife reminding each other, timely help; child feedback mechanism; grandparents reminder mechanism. Through the construction of a certain mechanism, the guidance of children is controlled within the scope of education, and the emotions are controlled within the harmless range.
Practice again. Emotional control is a kind of ability, ability needs to be trained to obtain, such as practicing the ability to get out of the environment, when the mood is high, can be withdrawn in time, away from the current situation; such as body posture control exercises, people will be stiff when emotionally excited, you can practice more by turning the neck, shrugging your shoulders when the way to relax.
Source: Qing Xiaoxiao (ID: zqwqxx) reporter Li Huaxi
Editor-in-Charge: Left Orange
Review: Wang Longlong
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