Yi Nengjing is a controversial person. On her 52nd birthday, she did online live broadcasting, wearing a pink coat, in a pink "princess style" venue, and was insulted by many people as "princess disease".
She will post a small essay on Weibo to express her feelings, and she will sneer at her husband Qin Hao, who is 10 years younger than her.
Yi Nengjing, who is more than half a hundred years old, once tweeted that as long as he bravely rides the wind and waves, at any time, his sister's 52 years old can also be 25 years old when he is reversed. "Doing" is a label that she can't get rid of and enjoys.
When Qin Hao participated in the variety show, he ridiculed that the birthday card he sent to his wife wrote 8 words: If you don't do it, I will not lose it.
Whether it is 52 years old or 25 years old, everyone has a child's state inside, and this inner child does not disappear with age.
He is always hidden like a child in the corners of our hearts, manipulating our behavior, both good and bad. Yi Nengjing, who loves to do things, lives in his heart as a wounded child.
The concept of the inner child was proposed by Shi Qijia, a psychotherapist who had worked as a psychiatrist.
In Shi Qijia's work on psychoanalysis and the treatment of patients with personality disorders, she found that many people's negative selves come from childhood, and she calls this negative self a traumatized inner child.
Shi Qijia believes that most of the troubles in a person's life stem from the shadow left by the trauma of childhood, and he always lives with a traumatized inner child. Inner children are formed in childhood and affect a person's life.
Shi Qijia wrote about her research and practice of the inner child in this book" "Healing Your Inner Child: 30 Deep Growth Lessons by Psychologist Shi Qijia".
To heal the inner child, we need to see him, take care of him, and integrate him, through these three links, in order to find the love and new self, so that the inner child becomes healthy and happy, and harvests true happiness.
01
The inner child forms in childhood, oscillating between "good" and "bad"
Psychologist Melanie Klein points out that children's inner imagination and reality are not the same thing, and there is a gap between the people and reality they see.
For example, a crying baby wants to hug, and if someone picks him up in time to reassure him, the reality is the same as he expected. If no one holds him, his imagination will be different from reality, and he will feel that the world is not what I want.
In Healing Your Inner Child, Shi Qijia wrote that if a child's inner world is as he wishes, his brain will develop healthier and healthier, and he will develop other functional structures without damage. This is not coddling, but meeting the child's inner needs when he is not able to adapt to reality, which can provide him with the soil to grow.
When a child grows up and has the ability to distinguish between the inside and the outside, even if his needs are not met, he can still realize that sometimes the anger of parents does not mean that they are not good to me.
Many children's childhoods are not satisfied by their parents in time, just like Yi Nengjing.
Yi Nengjing's childhood was really tragic. She is the seventh child and seventh daughter in the family. After she was born, her father left home directly and went to find another woman to have a son. Yi Nengjing's mother was humble to the bone, and she begged her husband to come home, and even sent money to her husband to support her son outside. The mother vented her anger on Yi Nengjing, "My life has become like this because of you."
As a child, Yi Nengjing has not been loved, and she does not even have a stable home. At the age of 6, he was sent to someone else's home to raise, was abused and fed dog food, and at the age of 12, he fled his "home" to Japan to find his mother who remarried. Yi Nengjing's inner child, hurt to the point of no end, her song "Wandering Child" is written by herself.
02
Find your inner child to take good care of him
Early love from parents and unconditional satisfaction of children's requirements can help children form a secure inner child.
But at all stages of a child's development, if the child grows up in an inappropriate environment and with inappropriate parenting, the needs of the inner child are not met in time, and he may be injured. When childhood is hurt differently, an inner child with a very different personality will be formed.
The inner child who lacks love, the greedy little "demon"
The inner child who lacks love in childhood is a greedy "demon" at heart and has a strong possessive desire for many things. Others appear as jealous, aggressive, and even destructive.
Shi Qijia has a patient, she is a woman in her 40s, as a child, she lacked fatherly love. She has to buy more than 4 pairs of pants at a time, and she must buy them, the price can not be high, there must be enough things, so many that she can hold them. She also had a storage habit, and she couldn't help but bring back anything she saw, even if it was a box she picked up on the road, and she was at ease when she brought it home.
The inner child who lacks companionship loves to "do" and pesters people
The companionship that Shi Qijia said is not simply someone has a voice, but in the process of forming a certain kind of thinking and generating a certain emotion in the child's heart, the child can experience the "feeling of someone being there".
For example, the toys that the child likes, the environment in which the child grows up, the parents of the child. In the process of companionship, children will see themselves from their bodies and form themselves, which is what psychologists call the mirror reflection process.
The inner child who lacks companionship will become particularly clingy and like to do, which is the label of Yi Nengjing.
In their marriage to Yu Chengqing, they have to face pressure from the family and Yi Nengjing's inner child who lacks companionship. Yi Nengjing asked to be able to contact Yu Chengqing at any time, and after a long time, he would think wildly, noisy and divided the long-distance running and finally ended in divorce.
In addition to the above two, Shi Qijia also introduced various types of injured inner children. There is an injured inner child living in the heart, and life is often difficult to achieve, because this inner child will often run out and make trouble.
Childhood experiences cannot be reversed, but as adults, we can heal the wounded inner child by integrating it, so that he can become healthy and happy.
03
Integrate your inner child and reinvent your newborn self
People who have been poor and hungry when they are young, when they grow up, they live a rich life, they still have a sense of hunger in their hearts, and they like to eat and drink, which is the "inner sense of lack".
Eliminating the inner feeling of scarcity can be solved by shopping. For example, shopping mall consumption, using money to appease yourself, and then such as hospital consumption.
Are there any such people around you? Often where the pain is, go to the hospital when there is nothing to do, and there is no disease after diagnosis. They eliminate their inner sense of scarcity through hospital consumption.
They confide in the doctor where it is uncomfortable, the doctor prescribes the right medicine, the process is like a baby looking for a mother, he can feel the feeling of being loved.
Psychologist Eric says that children see themselves in the joyful eyes of their parents looking at them.
If your parents are not a good mirror, and there is only trauma in this mirror, then you need to find someone in your life who can accompany you, can understand you, can understand you.
Qin Hao is Yi Nengjing's mirror. Qin Hao grew up in a family full of love, and although he was known as an "anti-correctional master", he knew how to love.
In Qin Hao's family, Yi Nengjing saw the normal family, she found the missing father's and mother's love, and saw the missing part of herself.
Shi Qijia wrote in "Healing Your Inner Child" that a very important way to heal yourself is to know yourself, to understand yourself, to understand a certain relationship, which is the greatest healing.
Many things are not afraid after understanding, and the same is true for inner children. Without understanding, you can become more relaxed, and the process of knowing is the process of healing.