Cultivate the most interesting and practical psychology every day
When entering a new environment, I inevitably want to find a reliance as soon as possible, so that I am no longer in the embarrassing situation of being isolated. In this case, many people will try to expose themselves to a certain extent in order to close the spiritual distance with the people around them.
When two people are not familiar with each other, taking the lead in revealing some of your true thoughts can make others quickly unload their defenses and feel your sincerity and truth.
However, many people only see the benefits of this method, but forget that everything must pay attention to proportion and scale, otherwise they will violate the bottom line of others if they are not careful, but they will cause many incidents for themselves.
Sometimes the greatest sadness of being a person is to easily disclose private affairs to others, and unfortunately leave a bad impression on others. People who say these two private things are generally low emotional intelligence, without exception.
First, happy things
Everyone expects to be happy and good, but we often overlook the fact that good things only happen to us.
Most people are refined egoists, and in the face of limited interests, the evil in human nature will be stimulated to the greatest extent.
For some people, hearing that others have encountered good things does not make them feel happy from the heart, but rather stimulates the dark side of their hearts and breeds jealousy and anger.
Except for family members who have blood and kinship, few ordinary friends will bless you from the bottom of their hearts.
Seeing through this cruel reality will inevitably make people feel empty and helpless, but we have to admit that this is indeed the most real human nature and an irrefutable fact.
Moreover, for some people, our seemingly ordinary life may also be their out-of-reach life goals.
So when we reveal something good to them, they feel that we are deliberately trying versailles to stimulate them and show their pride in this way.
Even if most people congratulate us out of social etiquette at first, they quickly get tired of it over time.
There was once a newspaper that did a questionnaire on the issue of sharing, and the results found that people reduced their desire to share in order to be closer to society.
From a point of view, most people want to share something with others, not really want to convey some information.
They mainly want to use this thing to socialize, or to show themselves from another perspective and promote a certain idea of their own.
For the listener, accepting information shared by others does not necessarily bring themselves the same happy experience as others.
In fact, from the perspective of being a person, a person's greatest sorrow is to constantly promote his own advantages and good things to others, and to market a flawless persona to others.
Really good people don't praise themselves at all times, they use this part of their time to try to become better themselves.
From the perspective of personal safety, not passing on your own good deeds to others is also a smarter way to protect yourself. After all, most people have jealousy, but some people can use reason to suppress their dark thoughts.
If we always preach ourselves everywhere, it is inevitable that we will be targeted by these people with ulterior motives, and we will also leave hidden dangers for our future lives.
Second, their own ambitions
We've all heard the saying that pigs eat tigers, but that's the way a smart person does things.
If you always tell others about your ideals and ambitions, it will make others think that your ambitions are too exuberant. Although for individuals, it is always a good thing to have a plan and goals.
However, the realization of ideals mainly depends on practical actions, rather than big words that can be said with the touch of the mouth. If you spend most of your energy on sharing your ideals, you will lose your original original intention, get lost in the evaluation and encouragement of others, and your ideals will not be realized.
If the goal is too ambitious, informing others of your goal in advance will also give others a higher psychological expectation. If in the end this matter cannot be completed, others will judge you and the words will be full of contempt.
I will also be unable to achieve the expectations of others, and carry a huge psychological pressure for a long time.
Appropriate pressure can bring us a certain sense of tension and pressure, urging us to better and faster to complete the goals at this stage, but the huge pressure will have a bad impact on us, let us stare at the final result, but ignore the important process of achieving the result.
Psychological cues will have a certain impact on our mobility, but we should also learn to give full play to subjective initiative, adjust our emotions in time, and do not let pressure hinder our own pace of progress.
In fact, when I was a student, many people showed us this truth again and again.
Students who set themselves ambitious goals and shout every day to study hard often have no improvement in their final academic performance.
Those real school bullies may not take the initiative to mention their goals, but they can concentrate on completing a certain thing, and finally present a surprising answer.
- The End -
Author | Tommy
The First Psychological Writing Group | A group of young people who like to look up at the stars
参考资料：Bruk, A., Scholl, S. G., & Bless, H. (2018). Beautiful mess effect: Self–other differences in evaluation of showing vulnerability. Journal of personality and social psychology, 115(2), 192-205