Opening remarks
With people, everyone aspires to be able to get the most perfect relationship, that is: to get along comfortably.
No need to be jealous of each other, no need to purposefully pander, heart to heart communication, mutual tolerance, mutual tolerance, mutual heart, mutual truth. However, this kind of comfortable getting along is only limited to your imagination.
Only because, human nature, this thing, can not be looked at directly.
Some people, you think you will be the most ironclad relationship, it is likely that a small thing, the relationship will be indifferent; some people, you think that you are like brothers, honey like sisters, but it is very likely that you have just told them your little secret, and turn around and spread it to all the people around you.
In the "Augmentation of the Sages", there is a saying: Every person and say three points, you can not throw away a piece of your heart.
It can be seen that the old ancestors have long told us that we must leave three points for talking to people, otherwise you will see: some relationships "turn their faces when they say they turn their faces", some people will really "turn their tea and cool" after they leave, some brothers say that they will turn against each other; some people who treat each other with sincerity in ordinary days have now become villainous behaviors...
The so-called life is difficult to find a confidant, and it is the most difficult to find a confidant through the ages.
Therefore, since you can't become a confidant, then you must understand that no matter how good the relationship is, you must not hold the heart of pushing the heart and telling others everything.
The more you talk about the following three things, the more you give yourself right and wrong, and the more you cause trouble for yourself.
The "ugly things" at home will cause less trouble if they are hidden
Jiang Xun once mentioned in his commentary on "Dream of the Red Chamber" that Qin Keqing's death was not a death of illness, but was forced to rape by her father-in-law Jia Zhen, so she was hanged in the Tianxiang Building.
Cao Xueqin deleted and revised for ten years, and finally covered up this ulterior scandal in the family, and Li Yanzhai once commented on this chapter: Xueqin is a truly generous person. This means that Mr. Cao's attitude is that it is better not to face the family ugliness or not to say it.
In fact, when Wang Xifeng took Jia Baoyu to visit Qin Keqing earlier, there was a sentence that Jiao Da scolded, "Climbing ash climbing ashes", and he had already used the very vulgar words that Jiao Da scolded to tell readers about the relationship between his father-in-law and his daughter-in-law.
Therefore, even if a writer like Cao Xueqin, who has been in the dust for thousands of years, seems to be a documentary, in fact, it will be like our childhood diary, worried that it will be seen by adults, there will be some encryption processing, and you can also see the charm of the red chamber dream.
Therefore, ordinary as we, if there is a family ugly, it is better to try to hide it.
You think that if you tell others, you will get the sincere treatment of others accordingly, and it is likely that at the moment, others will say a few words of comfort to you, and turn around and take this as a joke you have heard, and pass it on to everyone.
When the time comes, it will be too late for you to regret it.
Many people, on the surface of friendship, but behind you want you to have something, can let him grasp in his hands, I hope you live without him, so that he can have a little more superiority.
Therefore, family affairs, in the final analysis, or their own family affairs, whether they are handled perfectly or not, are hidden in their own "homes", and it is better to say less when encountering people and things.
Their own "wealth", not showing up is less troublesome
The so-called bustle of the world is for the benefit of the world, and the people of the world are all for the benefit of the future.
It's very realistic between people.
If you have money, others will come and paste you, and if you don't have money, others will stay away from you.
However, whether you have money or not, it is never what others say, but how much wealth you can grasp in your own hands.
Only when money is not leaked can it become a big thing. The more ostentatious it is, the more it is displayed, and the more shallow and ignorant people are. Even if there is money in the present, it is difficult to keep the money.
In ancient times, there was a word called "gentleman on the beam", which meant that thieves always loved to steal money on the beams.
Why on the beams? Because there was no bank in ancient times, ordinary people did not have much money, they all wore money into strings and then hung it on the beam, so the thief became the so-called "gentleman on the beam".
And the people he is eyeing must be those who "expose their wealth", you are bragging during the day, and you are likely to attract thieves at night.
Therefore, whether you have money or not, you must hide something.
You know: you have money, others will worry, maybe three days and two ends to borrow money from you, and even some people will be jealous of you, give you a trip, secretly calculate you; you have no money, when you fall, others will guard against you, afraid that you will ask them to borrow money, hide from you far away.
Therefore, the best way to deal with people in the world is not to tell others about their economic situation, no matter how good the relationship is, do not show off their wealth, and do not cry poor.
Remember, not revealing your wealth is the best protection for yourself.
Their own "ambition", muffled realization is the right way
Perhaps when everyone talks about their ideals, it is not necessarily "100,000 yuan in the waist and shining on the lintel", just because in this world, it is really people who have their own aspirations and different aspirations.
However, if you are born poor and have a starting point that is not as good as others, and you reveal your ambitions to others at any time, most of the time you get not the support of others, but the fake coping, the ridicule behind it.
Or, your ideal is to be a bus driver, or a kindergarten teacher, etc., so many and a half, some people will sneer at your ideal as "really great", joke that you don't have any lofty ambitions.
Therefore, it is better to hide the will of a gentleman in the bottom of his heart.
You like to write novels, then write a few more with your head stuffed, modest and low-key, always the right way; you like to gallop in the business sea, then even if you are deceived by the pit, you must be able to withstand the blow, not to mention that everyone complains about how much you have suffered, how much you have been deceived, and how much money you have made; you like to be steady in the compilation, then do a good job in the current, don't blow yourself up when people don't blow up how leisurely they are, and don't complain everywhere about the leadership is not...
Man, ambition is the equivalent of an ideal.
Many people have made up their minds, but on the way to realization, very few can persevere to the end.
In life, you will see that the more muffled those are, the more they can achieve things, the more they shout all the time, the more difficult it is to achieve, just because, the more ostentatious, others will not be accustomed to it, and want to give him some color to see.
Therefore, even if the relationship is good and close, we must remember: what should be said, what should not be said, there must be a little city government.
In "Dream of the Red Chamber", there is a sentence: everything in the world is learned, and the cultivation of human feelings is an article.
This means that you understand the sophistication of human feelings, so that you can not cause trouble for yourself, and you understand the world, so that you can not show off, do not show off, not show off, is the real learning.
It is still good to hide your own affairs in your heart, so that you can live soberly and understand.
Conclusion:
Zhou Guoping once said a sentence that made me deeply feel:
To live in this world, one must learn to distance oneself from one's external encounters.
The "distance" here means two things, the first is that in the face of your external encounters, you are able to maintain your inner ability to be autonomous. That is to say, in any encounter, you have your own right to choose; the second meaning is that in the face of encounters, you can maintain inner peace. That is, you have the mindset to accept it calmly.
Therefore, we get along with others, in fact, the same reason.
The more peaceful you are in your heart, the more calm you are, the more you will not shake out all the things and let others judge you at will, and if you can accept any words of others, no matter what you say, whether the attitude of others to you is ridicule or praise, you do not care, whether there is any situation in the future, others play tricks on you, or make means, you can catch it, then you can say it at will without scruples.
But most people can't stand the gaze of others. Especially Chinese, pay attention to a "face", a lot of thoughts once on the body, will be because of some trivial things and trouble, regret, in the face of other people's "bad", you are even more powerless to resist, then it is likely that you will regret that you can not open the door with this mouth.
Nan Huaijin once said: How many secrets does a person have to hide in order to skillfully spend his life.
Therefore, in the final analysis, it is still necessary to keep your mouth and heart in order to live freely.
Therefore, please always remember: in this life, people hide secrets, not that you are not frank, but that you do not cause trouble for yourself; not talking nonsense, not that you are not sincere, but that you have the ability to protect yourself.
Author, Frank Fox
Figure, network
May you find in my words the ordinary years, a strong affection! Thanks for your attention!