Children's disobedience often causes parents extreme headaches, what should be done when children are disobedient?
The best way is to give your child the opportunity to choose within the limits of your permission.
For example, if a two- or three-year-old is doing something wrong, the parent can choose between "do you want to walk back to the room by yourself, or do you want me to carry you back?" In this case, the extent of our tolerance is that since the child is not allowed to behave in front of the parents, the best place for him to go is his room. The options given guarantee that he will eventually have to go back to his room no matter which one he chooses.
Note that parents are not telling their children what to do, such as "Stop now!" "Such a command is useless. This means that the next time the child behaves the same way, the parents still have to say the same thing. It is useless to simply say, "Go back to your own room," because the child can still choose not to listen to you. However, if we give two choices, both of which are acceptable to us, and if the child does not respond, we can execute both choices. And giving two choices, to a certain extent, also plays a certain normative role for children, because it is they who make the decision, not us.
For example, if your child hears "Do you want to walk back to the room by yourself, or do you want me to carry you back" and still stands still, you can say, "Oh! It seems that you chose to let me carry you over. After you take the child to the room and put it down, you can increase the chips and let the child understand who is really in control: "Okay, we're in your room now." If you want to lose your temper, feel free to do it here. Do you want to open the door, or close it? If the child tries to escape at this point, your response is, "Oh! It looks like you're trying to close the door. ”
Of course, very few children stop there. Closed doors can easily be reopened again. When you go to close the door again, you can give the child a choice: "Do you want me to just close the door and finish it, or do you want me to lock the door?" I'll come to see you when you're obedient." ”
Parents only need to do it a few times. Children will naturally obediently close the door in the future, rather than trying to see if the parents dare to lock them in it. If the parent locks the child in the room, be sure to watch nearby, wait until the child loses his temper, and wait a minute or two to open the door. We recommend that parents say something like, "Oh, I miss you!" I'm so happy to see you're obedient now. Now let's set another 5 minutes, and if you're obedient in those 5 minutes, you can come out and join us. ”
After a few times like this, the child will no longer act aggressively. Of course, the sooner you start doing this to your child, the easier it will be to follow through.
Here are some more examples:
"When your room is clean, you can eat with us."
"You've done everything you need to do, and you can come to the living room and watch TV with us."
Whatever choices you give, make sure you make sure you can make those choices. Even if your child chooses the option you don't really want, you can do it the same. In a few times, the child will understand that no matter which one they choose, you can accept it, and you must dare to say it and dare to do it.
On the other hand, there are some options that you know are impossible to do, and your child knows the same, so don't give these options to your child. We often hear parents say something to their children at a fast food restaurant: "Eat quickly, or I'll throw you here!" "This kind of talk is angry at first hearing, and it is absolutely impossible to really throw the child in a fast food restaurant." Onlookers can immediately understand who is really in control. When this kind of words are said, the child can ignore it and still eat well.