As a criminal policeman, Leng Xiaobing first went to the scene and encountered a big case.
The murderer killed the innocent victim in a brutal way, and when Leng Xiaobing arrived at the scene, the murderer was still there. I don't know if the murderer is too terrible, or Leng Xiaobing is too nervous, or because he is injured and has no strength, when he raised his gun to the murderer, he could not pull the trigger, and finally let the murderer escape.
As a result, the murderer killed his brother Li Lan and later innocent people were killed. Whenever he remembered the moment when he confronted the murderer, Leng Xiaobing regretted, blamed himself, and was annoyed, and he carried this sense of guilt for more than ten years and suffered a lot.
On the surface, he is still the dutiful, beautiful criminal policeman, and he has become a captain. And his heart, has been painstakingly searching for clues related to the Haizhou case that year, he remitted half of his salary to Li Lan's family, he does not talk about love or marriage. In addition to cracking the case and finding the murderer, he has no other pursuits in his life.
Fortunately, in the end, he got his wish, caught the real murderer, and finally could unload the burden in his heart and gain liberation, but his life had passed so many years. If it weren't for the guilt in his heart, he would have had a much easier life.
Unfortunately, many parents in reality also like to create guilt in their children's hearts.
In the park, a child accidentally broke the newly purchased remote control plane, but the adult said, "How can you be so careless with this child?" It's not easy for Mom and Dad to make money, buy you such an expensive remote control plane, you haven't played a few times and it's broken!" The child suppressed the tears and lowered his head, feeling sad and wronged at the same time he felt more guilty.
What a poor boy! His beloved toy was broken, and he must have been very sad in his heart. The adult's words were undoubtedly pouring salt on his wounds, and he should not dare to mention buying a remote control plane anymore. Even if he bought it, he didn't dare to let go and play. Because he was afraid that the toy would break, and he was even more afraid of the accusations that adults would follow, the feeling was too uncomfortable. That's the power of guilt.
Guilt can have many adverse effects on children.
1. Increase the psychological burden of children and affect their healthy growth.
The original intention of parents is to hope that children can experience the hardships and hardships of adults, hope that they cherish everything they have received, can have a grateful heart, and can be positive and motivated. Children who are dominated by guilt sometimes do indeed do what adults expect, but they lose more.
They are prone to guilt and do not dare to ask their parents, even if they are reasonable. They become particularly sensible and hope to become the "children of others" that parents expect. They study hard, just to be worthy of their parents' efforts, and the adults' concern will not make them feel warm, but will feel more stressed. When they don't do something well, they feel a particularly heavy blow, which in turn creates a greater sense of guilt.
2. Guilt can make children frequently deny themselves, lack of self-confidence and self-worth.
A child who often hears adults say, "Everything I do is for your own good," feels the dissatisfaction and accusations of adults, and the child will feel that the adult's bad emotions are all self-inflicted because he is not good enough. They will often doubt themselves, as long as the adult is unhappy and something bad has happened in the family, he will first look for problems from himself.
Long-term guilt will make children feel guilty, anxious, depressed and other emotions, their self-evaluation is very low, self-feeling is very poor, doing anything will hesitate, withdraw, always feel that they are not doing well. Other children will think that they are a burden on the family, feel that they do not deserve good things and the care of others, and do not recognize their own value. This self-denial can last a lifetime, affecting a child's schooling, work, marriage, etc.
3. Guilt is easy for children to lack a sense of belonging, resulting in estrangement of parent-child relationship.
Parents' love for their children should be selfless and not expect anything in return, but a guilty education will make children feel that they will be rewarded for all the efforts of adults in the future. This will make their hearts too heavy, and if they can't bear it, out of instinct, the child may choose to flee.
Parents who are accustomed to guilty education have always longed for their children to recognize their efforts and hard work, and for their children to be able to repay themselves in the future. They raise children with a plan and often ignore the real needs of their children. Doing so may be counterproductive, so that children feel the selfishness of parents, who not only cannot get close to adults, but also choose to stay away when they grow up. There are also such examples.
Children should not be used as tools to reciprocate, and parents should not raise children for the sake of profit. Every child should be selflessly loved by his parents, and children should not have a burden when receiving gifts from their parents. Let children grow up in a relaxed and happy environment, children will naturally become better selves, and they will give back more to their parents.
This article is original by "Guo Lifang Psychological Studio", welcome to pay attention to, like, comment, the article is not reprinted.