"The Most Gentle Parenting": Love you in the heart to open, with a loving language to accompany the growth of children
Sentence/Still Moon
【Image from network intrusion and deletion】
Guide:
In an episode of "Gold Medal Mediation," both parents and daughters went to the studio. The relationship between the adult daughter and her parents is very stiff, the parents feel that the daughter has a rebellious personality and cannot communicate, and the daughter cries that her parents do not understand her.
A good family, the parents are intellectuals, but the daughter shows a rebellious character, and is full of resentment towards the parents. Why is that?
01. Children who lack love in childhood will spend their lives looking for that lost love
At the mediation scene, the daughter said that she was a repressive and well-behaved girl, and her parents always wanted to arrange and intervene in her life, which made her heart full of resentment and uneasiness. The daughter complained that her parents did not understand her, did not understand her, and even wanted to escape the supervision of her parents.
In fact, this girl originally had a happy family. Both parents were highly educated and had stable jobs. As a mother studying medicine, she knows how to care for her daughter in life and let her get a healthier life.
But the mother's intentions have become a manifestation of the mother's inhumanity in the eyes of the daughter: do not buy her small snacks that others like to eat, do not make her "heavy taste" food, and eat clear soup and water every day, so that she has no appetite.
After work, parents like to read, and the atmosphere at home is too dull for their daughters. Even, during weekend breaks, my mother liked to go to the library.
This makes the daughter feel that her parents are not like other families, and her parents like to circle around the children until the weekend
On weekends, either make food for the children or take them out to play. And her mother didn't seem to have her at all, she only cared about her career.
The daughter feels that she is a superfluous person at home, and her parents lack the care and companionship she deserves, and even feels that her parents do not love her at all.
After going to college, my daughter did not come out of her inner confusion. At one time, her daughter also dropped out of school halfway and then returned to school repeatedly. Seeing their daughters so painful, parents are also anxious and want to communicate well with their children.
But whenever the mother plucked up enough courage to enter her daughter's heart, she was strongly rejected by her daughter. If the mother leaves, it will anger the daughter even more.
This makes the family in pain and unable to extricate themselves, like hedgehogs, wanting to get close but repelling each other.
Finally, the emotional mediation mentor points out that the main responsibility is still on the parents. When the child is young, the parents do not give their daughter enough love and companionship, and do not let her get a full sense of security. Only to cause the daughter to form a sensitive, suspicious personality, and there is no confidence in herself.
Later, the mother recalled that when her daughter was very young, she often had to work night shifts. Whenever she was about to go out, the daughter was particularly eager for her mother to stay with her. But the mother can not go to work, naturally can not meet the requirements of the daughter. Whenever the mother closes the door, she can hear her daughter's crying.
On another occasion, her daughter fell ill and was hospitalized, and the mother took a leave of absence to stay with her daughter in the hospital for a week. Later, when he needed to go to work, he asked the father to accompany his daughter during the day and the mother to go to the hospital at night. But the daughter still resents her mother for not spending more time with her when she needs it most.
This reminds me of a recent book, The Most Gentle Parenting, which says, "Be gentle and determined parents and let love flow in conversation." ”
If this mother had known how to warm, care for and accompany her daughter in the most gentle way of parenting, there would be no heart-wrenching situation like today.
02. "The Most Gentle Parenting": Use loving language to care for children's young hearts
If the mother can understand the importance of gentle parenting of the child early on, when the daughter needs her most, she can use gentle and loving language to express that the mother loves her very much, but she must go to work, because this is the mother's job.
Of course, after returning home from work, the mother should let her daughter know that she is back at the first time, give her daughter a gentle hug, and say to her daughter: "Mom is back, let me hug my little baby!" ”
"I'm really happy to have a child like you."
"Mom also feels happiest with you!"
"I'm sorry, you didn't like it, I won't do it in the future."
……
In fact, these gentle and loving words are what parents should learn and often say to their children. When you say this, you will find that your heart has become softer and warmer, and your child has become more lovely in your eyes. Isn't it?
When a daughter hears her mother say this, she will feel that her mother does not love her, but because she has her own things to do. Obediently waiting for your mother to return at home will make your mother like herself more. This is the virtuous circle.
Because in the child's cognition, she cannot understand the true meaning of the parents' words, and only by speaking to them in words that the child can understand can they truly understand.
For example, just like this mother, she may be able to explain to her daughter at the beginning, but when her daughter is still crying, she will impatiently say: "How many times have I told you, why don't you obey?" ”
But the daughter only focuses on her own current feelings: she feels that her mother is leaving, which makes her feel uneasy and afraid.
The mother can only use the most gentle language to make the daughter feel that the mother loves her very much and does not want to leave her. "Mom also feels happiest with you!" But mom needs to go to work, have fun at home, and wait for mom to come back. ”
The daughter will let go of all tension and uneasiness in the gentle embrace of her mother, and let the heart return to peace and satisfaction.
It is said that children who often love to cry are eager to attract the attention of their parents and to be cared for and cared for by their parents. However, many parents do not know this, thinking that after the child has eaten and drunk enough, he can play by himself, and the parents just need to watch from the side.
As everyone knows, a child who lacks love in childhood will become anxious and uneasy in her heart when she grows up, and there is always a black hole in her heart that fills with dissatisfaction. It was childhood when her parents owed her love.
03. "The Most Gentle Parenting": Make up for a late lesson for parents
Wu Eun-young, known as South Korea's "national parenting mentor" and "god of parent-child parenting", her "Most Gentle Parenting" is a guide to "parenting oral language" for parents.
In this book, through 130 parent-child dialogues, the author teaches parents how to change their speaking habits, so that children can obtain inner satisfaction and harvest the joy of growth in the warm and loving language of their parents.
It is said that children are a mirror for parents. Something went wrong with the mirror, and the responsibility lies with the parents and not with the children. This book is not for children. I hope that everyone who is a parent can find the problems in their own words in this book, and then improve them, so that their words are gentler and more loving.
In reality, many parents' childhoods are also deeply influenced by their original families, and their hearts are often filled with anxiety and uneasiness. It is manifested in the lack of patience with their children, and they will not calm down to listen to their children's voices. Just blindly hate iron is not steel, want to use high pressure and force children to accept their own views.
The result is that grumpy parents raise children who are either non-committal or rebellious and undisciplined, becoming children who give their parents a headache.
I believe that when parents read this book, they can not only heal their own childhood, but also know how to care for their children.
The book is divided into six parts:
1. Replace familiar words with those you have heard but are very jerky;
2. What do we want to hear from our parents when we are generally old to our children?
3. Heart-warming "understanding"
4. "Listen" with your ears and "listen" with your mouth
5. Don't be childish, don't forget your original intentions
6. Today is the first day of conversation with your child.
When every child is born, it is a blank piece of paper, and when it comes to running lines, everyone is the same. But why, after a few years, some children are like a small sapling that thrives, which is loved, while others are like thorns that grow wildly, and it is a headache to look at.
This is the inevitable result of the difference in the environment in which children grow up, and the author points out in the book "The Most Gentle Parenting": "There are many people standing on the starting line, and many people are following the road taken by their predecessors. Among them, some people deviated by 1°, and others began to take different paths. At the beginning of the journey, the difference of 1° is so small that it is almost difficult to detect. But what happens over time? How will people who go astray be different from others? ”
And "what is the method of harvesting the greatest results with a 1° change?" That's the 'word'. In the parenting process, the most important point is 'how parents should treat their children and help their children.' ’”
Write at the end:
The so-called teaching by word and deed means that every word and deed of parents will affect the growth and development of children. When parents use the right and warm words, the child feels a joy of being loved, accepted, and recognized.
Many times, parents obviously love their children very much, but what they can say is always insincere, so that children are devastated.
When a child does something wrong and is overwhelmed, the parent can't help but say, "You've let me down so much!" ”；
When your child's test score drops, parents will say, "Why can't you argue?" ”；
When children encounter difficulties in learning and are afraid of difficulties, parents will say: "Me and your father work so hard to make money, all for you!" ”
Children face their parents' nagging, complaining and accusations every day, in addition to grievances and helplessness, the rest is that they have less and less confidence in themselves, and even doubt their own intelligence and ability, and then move towards the negative treatment of "broken jars and broken".
In fact, it is very simple to change this situation, starting with the daily language used by parents and children to communicate. "The Most Gentle Parenting" is a book that teaches everyone to use the correct "parenting spoken language".
Thanks for meeting, thanks for reading. I am Jing Yue He, like my text, please pay attention to me @ Jing Yue He