Author/Window Sill
01. Don't let other people's words and deeds affect yourself
Everyone in life, you have to shape a sense of self-worth and identity about the individual, with these, you can continue to clarify your position.
That is, for you, the center of your world should be yourself.
Whether other people's ideas or remarks meet your expectations or do not meet your expectations, you should not affect yourself because of other people's affairs. Most of the time, we live in society and groups, and naturally we also need to face some people and deal with different people. In this process, it is really normal for people or things to appear that do not go along with their own wishes.
I say one thing. I have a college roommate, one of her junior high school friends got married a few years ago, although the two people only had a good relationship in junior high school, and then there was no contact for many years, but she still gave a gift of 500 yuan in the original friendship. What she did not expect was that later she got married, this junior high school friend in her opinion, after receiving her wedding invitation, not only did not say a word, but also deleted her.
She was really confused.
One was that she had never encountered such a situation, and the other was that all along, in her mind, she thought that she would not be such a person. She was really sad at the time, how did she get to this point? 500 yuan is not much, why would she do such a thing.
I told her, why should you grieve for such a person, the past is the past, the present is now, she has changed, you can't accept and have to accept, there is no need to affect your life for a person who is not worthy. Things in this world are originally like this, not that you are good to others, others will definitely be good to you. This is your kindness, but it does not mean that others are equally kind.
There are many people who will take advantage of your kindness, will try to pick the so-called soft persimmon pinch, and wait until they encounter a real hard stubble, but immediately behave like a grandson.
You can't change anyone, whether this person is good or bad, whether it is in line with your values, as long as it does not directly hurt your interests, or cause too much impact on your life, you can completely ignore so much, do not affect yourself because of the words and deeds of others, a person there depressed, sad, has been unable to think straight. You don't have to think about these things, it's purely unfounded.
You have to understand that the only thing we can ultimately change and control is ourselves.
Living your own life well, improving yourself, and making your life better and better is the most important thing at the moment. The farther you go, the less noise comes from behind you. When your strength is stronger, your mentality will naturally become more and more open-minded.
02. You don't need to please anyone
On the Internet, I saw a book review written by a person, with the following words:
I suffered losses for more than twenty years in my life, and I was too sensible, which is my biggest failure as a person. This understanding is to understand other people's affairs, understand the suffering of others, be easily moved by others, and even obey the will of others and sacrifice their own interests for others when I have conflicts with others. However, I didn't do anything for myself, and I didn't understand myself.
In a way, I think it's a kind of flattery.
In life, there are always some people, in interpersonal communication, subconsciously there is a certain flattering mentality. Of course, the establishment of this mentality is affected by many factors, generally including their own growth experience, which will not be discussed here. People with this kind of flattering mentality are always less confident in their hearts, care too much about other people's opinions, and dare not be themselves in front of others, always unconsciously have a submissive mentality, even if they say "no" normally, they do not dare, afraid that they will offend people because of it.
Actually, I'd say that you don't need to curry favor with anyone. In other words, most of the people you please, you can also "offend" it.
There are not many people in this world who are really worthy of our attention.
There may be only a few in a lifetime, and you must believe that those who are really worthy of care and care about you, whether it is family affection or friendship, are not so easy to lose, and there is no need for you to maintain a flattering state of mind.
Pleasing is often the first step in losing yourself, but also the first step for others to start testing your bottom line, if you do not even dare to safeguard your legitimate rights and interests, your cowardly mentality can most likely be detected by the other party, and it is not impossible to gradually kick your nose in the face.
Human nature, really, is how it is a lot of times.
Brave to say no, brave to refuse, it's really not that hard, often all you need is to take this first step. It turns out that the clearer your bottom line is, the more established the principles are, and the more others can respect your choice from the bottom of their hearts.
03. Don't show off any of your achievements
You have to remember: no matter what you achieve, there are really not many people who can be happy for you from the bottom of their hearts. Even to say a heartfelt word, sometimes including a brother and sister of your mother," it is not necessarily a sincere blessing, but depends on the specific situation and your relationship.
People, there is always a common disease: when the people around them, suddenly one day become better than themselves, or developed, most of the people's subconscious mentality is mostly jealousy, is not used to it, and even wants to drag you down from above, everyone is originally ordinary together, how do you quietly work hard? Everyone was poor, so why did you suddenly have money?
Don't show off any of your achievements.
Originally, you were happy and wanted everyone to bless you, but in fact you didn't know what kind of attitude others held, and what kind of twisted psychology was hidden under the superficial blessings and smiles.
Never underestimate anyone's jealousy, and never overestimate any relationship. There is always nothing wrong with keeping a low profile, some things are just clear to yourself, and some words can only be said to yourself. Understand these truths, your life will not only be less troublesome, the future road can also go more smoothly.
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