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"Who's the Murderer" ends!
I have to say that Liu Lin's case refreshed my understanding of PUA, and once put the topic of PUA in marriage on the top of the hot search...
Liu Lin plays a character named Cao Yingxia, who is a full-time wife.
In the eyes of everyone around her, she has a very happy family, a well-behaved and obedient son, loves her husband, and lives an enviable life.
But the truth is...
Since getting married, her husband has not let her go out, locked her up at home to do housework, often verbally hit her, and mentally brainwashed her.
Even the fruit that she felt was very sour would let Cao Yingxia eat it, and force her to admit that it was sweet!
It's not that she didn't resist! But when the phone vibrates, it compromises again under the painful struggle.
The husband always wears a mask of a perfect man, and he makes everyone around him think that Cao Yingxia is crazy!
But in the eyes of outsiders, what kind of fairy husband is this!!! Even if Cao Yingxia's spirit was wrong, her husband did not dislike her.
Colleagues, neighbors, friends said she was sick, even her son thought so.
No one knows how viciously her husband said to her, and he once said, "I must be a mischievous person." Look, to get revenge on me, let me meet you. ”
Cao Yingxia began to trance, falling into endless self-doubt.
Countless times of obedience made her hallucinate, and she said that when I saw the sun, I would stink and I couldn't wash it clean.
Cao Yingxia especially wanted to see her son, but her husband would not let her see him, and said: "I will never understand things." If you are so disobedient again, I will never let you see your son!" ”
All emotions exploded in an instant, and Cao Yingxia killed her husband on impulse.
After killing her husband, Cao Yingxia still firmly repeated that her husband was very kind to her, never beat her, and it was she herself who was crazy...
Sure enough, people can be domesticated.
As Shen Yu said: "When a person who everyone thinks is a good person exerts malice on you, some people's subconscious reaction is not to resist, but to really doubt themselves." ”
This is no longer just emotional PUA, but a higher means of mental manipulation, a psychological abuse that gradually causes the victim to lose self-esteem and doubt his memory, perception or intellect, which psychology calls the gaslighting effect.
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Speaking of the gas lamp effect, I have to mention the movie "Under the Gas Lamp".
Paula is a rich lady who does not understand the world, and during her study abroad, she met a young pianist Anton, and the two fell in love at first sight, and quickly fell in love and embarked on the palace of marriage.
Paula's aunt was murdered ten years ago, leaving behind a large inheritance and a murderous mansion.
The two returned to the murder house and sealed their aunt's belongings in the attic.
After marriage, Anton has always been very kind to Paula and considerate.
Curiously, Anton was reluctant to let Paula out, but as soon as Anton went out to work, the gas lamp in the room would dim and the attic would make strange noises.
At first, Anton refuses to party on the grounds of a honeymoon alone, and he changes maids in an attempt to isolate Paula.
Once out, Paula lost Anton's ancestral brooch, and Anton said, "Didn't I say that you will lose it?" ”
Not only that, Button often hinted that Paula had been forgetful lately, and even a little suspicious, and mentally manipulated her.
Neighbors come to visit, but Anton yells, "I don't want anyone to come to the house all day long!" ”
Late at night, Paula looked at the dim gas lamp and she was almost going crazy!
The next day at the banquet, Paula broke down and cried because of Anton's doubts, and the audience was talking about it.
Anton vetoed all of Paula's previous cognition, from the initial emotional abuse to today's psychological manipulation, Paula fell into a deep sense of frustration, gradually lost herself, lost her faith in life.
Eventually fall into the abyss of self-reflection.
Until the appearance of a young detective, who tells Paula that everything is real, including the sudden dimming of the gas lamp, she is not crazy.
Anton was the one who killed his aunt ten years ago, and all he did was to get the jewels left by his aunt.
Paula finally said to Anton, "If I'm not crazy, no matter what you do, I will sympathize with you to protect you, but unfortunately I am crazy, I hate you, I am crazy, so I secretly rejoice, I don't sympathize with you at all!" No remorse, laugh at you being taken away! ”
Yes, when the sun rises after dawn, sometimes it is hard to believe that there was ever a dark night.
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Lu Xun once said that since he did not dare to take it, he had no choice but to use conspiracies and means.
But people who often use conspiracies to frame others will be the first to suffer misfortune.
The gaslight effect seems to be a psychological manipulation method, but it is actually a conspiracy to destroy the spirit.
Famous American psychoanalysts have proposed that this kind of mind control is widely present in marriages, workplaces and families, and the gas lamp manipulator plays the right role in everything, while the manipulator will be defined, lose self-awareness, and feel that he is the most useless and the worst person.
Did you feel déjà vu, yes! It's the same thing as PUA.
Many people who have lost love always blame themselves for their own faults, always feel that the other party is already very good, and reflect on themselves over and over again, "Don't blame him, I didn't do well enough."
Immersed in sadness, depressed, difficult to get out of pain...
So, when the gas lamp operator first attempts to brainwash you, it should be clear whether it is love or control.
For example, "It's okay, stupid birds fly first." ”
Maybe some teachers or parents will say this to their children, but children will subtly feel that they are really stupid than others, hidden in the depths of their unconfidence, and no one knows when they will erupt.
Building strong self-confidence is the first step.
Then, instead of going with the flow, learn to make your own decisions about everything.
Albert Einstein said that since you expect a brilliant and great life, you should create the happiness of you and mankind from today with unwavering determination and unswerving faith, with your own wisdom and perseverance!
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