Wang Lihong and Li Lianglei's "melon" finally came to an end, and the war finally ended with Wang Lihong temporarily withdrawing from work.
But Li Lianglei also paid 10 years of youth for marriage. Therefore, there is no winner in this struggle at all.
In Li Lianglei's complaint against Wang Lihong, she mentioned a word: "gaslight", which literally translates to "gas lamp", which means "emotional manipulation".
The term "gas lamp" comes from the movie Under the Gaslight, an old 1944 film. In the movie, the pianist Anton is superficially handsome and handsome, and has a deep affection for his wife Paula.
In fact, he didn't love Paula at all, all he cared about was Paula's huge inheritance.
So after getting married, Anton constantly used various psychological manipulation techniques, making Paula a typical spiritual attacher:
She was nervous, self-conscious, and didn't believe anything but what Anton said. Eventually, Paula was admitted to the Neurology Hospital, and Anton received all of Paula's possessions as he wished.
So, how does the "gas lamp man" manipulate us step by step?
1
First, trigger self-doubt
"Gaslight people" are very good at making you gradually self-doubt in life, and they will strategically convince you that you must have something wrong with something.
In the film, Anton's manipulation of Paula is layered:
Layer 1: Shallow implantation
Three months after their new marriage, they went to the suburbs of London to play, and before going out, Anton gave paula the ancestral brooch, and said that this chest was very important to me.
"You might lose it, you often lose it."
But in fact, Anton did not put the brooch in Paula's pocket at all. When Paula couldn't find the brooch, she was very upset, but Anton said:
"I'll just say you have a poor memory." And Paula really showed a confused look.
2
Layer 2: Reinforcing impressions
Anton turned the gas lamp in the house on and off, and when Paula questioned it, Anton said that the lamp had always been normal, that there was a problem with Paula's eyes, or that Paula was hallucinating.
Looking at Anton's concerned look, Paula's eyes became more and more confused. (Similar means are very much in the whole film)
At the same time, Anton has always instilled in the servants of the family the impression that the lady's memory is weakened and she often hallucinates.
He gradually settled on Paula's mental problems.
Second, guide you to cognitive disorders
When Fukuhara ai went to the dentist, her husband was furious and said to her:
"You open your mouth like a slut."
What a confused speech! But it's also a form of mental manipulation, the same as Anton's approach: when you're obedient, the gaslight man will be gentle with you, but he'll look for a normal angle, get angry with you, and even say nonsense.
For example, "The man who just asked for directions wants to sleep with you!" You slut still answers! ”
"See how the dentist can open his mouth!" You have a problem! ”
As long as you argue, you can easily fall into a cognitive trap:
My husband was misunderstood by my actions, and my explanation was to keep him from misleading me. Why did he misunderstand? Because I let him misunderstand...
When you have a little wavering, the gas lamp people will naturally ask you to reflect on yourself and softly limit your personal freedom. Of course, these demands of his were made "in the name of love".
In the long run, you will be drained of your thinking ability by his hot and cold, gentle anger, which may eventually lead to the fact that you will tremble and live according to his will, and his position is your position.
When the first and second articles are merged into one, and you are used strategically, whether you are a Kochi woman or a wise person, the possibility of loss will be great.
After all, Li Lianglei and Ai Fukuhara are smart women who have seen the world.
To prevent being manipulated, we must remember a sentence by rogers, an American humanistic psychologist: True love is based on respect and equality, and any suppression and trampling in the name of love is a lie of love.
So, if your love makes you feel self-doubting, confused and depressed, please talk to a professional immediately.