When the little niece was 2 years old and did not go to kindergarten, my cousin always complained about "the little guy is so hateful, he has to wear a skirt in winter, he still has to feed, and the diapers are off everywhere to pee", she asked me: Is it really a "terrible 2-year-old"?
I comforted: "It would be good to go to kindergarten when you are older, and it will be cute at 3 years old!" ”
Really, at the age of 3, my two little ones (twins) learned to dress themselves, wear pants, fold clothes, get to know the whole class, say hello to the canteen uncle, and see the previous teacher take the initiative to say "Happy Teacher's Day".
Don't say that the teacher was moved, the teacher felt that "the two of them have made great progress", I was ecstatic as a mother, and I could never imagine it.
But do you think the child will go on like this all the time? No, the 4-year-old baby simply makes you love and hate! Look at the moms' complaints and you'll know you're not alone! The article also tries to combine theory (parenting books) and practice (there are 2 4-year-old twin boys in the family) to find a way for parents and friends to coexist harmoniously with 4-year-old dolls! (The article is slightly longer, it is recommended to collect it slowly)
1
"I beat my girlfriend in the morning, and now I regret it, but she is so unruly," the mother group responded: My family is also like this
In the morning, in the group of 4-year-old mothers of the same age, a mother's self-confession made everyone feel the same way.
"Is your baby rebellious now?" Our family is particularly rebellious. I couldn't help but move my hands today, but after the fight, I regretted it and cried again. ”
Who knows that there are also those who are "often beaten", there are also high emotional intelligence babies who can stop with one eye, and there are also those who have not been under control for two weeks.
1, 2 years old can not say and do not understand, easy to make a fuss about crying and crying is normal, how to 4 years old basically can understand, basically can say, but rebellious again?
Look at the mother and child can not compete, are the most ordinary small things: wear a hat to go to kindergarten, go out with small white shoes or fleece shoes.
The child has her own opinion, the mother has her own considerations, the mother is afraid that it is useless to be late for work, and the baby is not moved at all.
Have you ever seen the shadow of your 4-year-old baby?
That's what my family is.
I'm sorry to say that not yelling or shouting really can't check my family, even if I have a bit of a public image (narcissism), even if my job is to study and explore the psychology of parenting.
Get up in the morning a procrastination, to go out and another has to finish the painting, at night after brushing my teeth I asked the child to read the second book, do not come and do not answer to continue to spell their own blocks. I kindly advised: "After reading this book, will you put together the building blocks when your mother lays out the quilt?" No more, my mother slept in the quilt. ”
When I have laid out the quilt, the baby has played enough, and comes over to happily prepare you to read the second book.
Seeing that the mother has laid out the quilt, the baby is upset and irritable and begins to cry, and the old man will not be able to bear to close the door thinking that we have abused the baby, or go out for a walk to hide from the quiet.
Every day I make my heart feel better, and when I can't smile anymore, I will leave the room with the baby, go to a drink alone, and come back to get the baby after drinking silently (although there are only 4 hours of time to get along from Monday to Friday, it seems to be so long that only the baby is angry).
Why does the little guy blink to the kindergarten middle class, but he seems to be ignorant and not cute and not well-behaved?
2
4-year-old children "rebellious", not only your family's baby, is related to the growth and development of children
First, the language ability of 4-year-olds has developed by leaps and bounds, and they have the ability to "argue" with their parents.
The American Academy of Pediatrics Parenting Encyclopedia concludes that by the age of 3, children should have more than 300 vocabulary. He will have the ability to speak sentences of 3 to 4 words and imitate most of the pronunciation of adults.
By the age of 4, the child's vocabulary will soar to about 1500 words, and between the ages of 4 and 5, there will be about 1000 words.
The above summary is an English word, but if you change to Chinese words and sentences, you can definitely see a lot of progress in the child's language development.
My twins spoke late, and strictly speaking, it was only at 2 years and 3 months that they began to say words other than "daddy, mom, water", but related words such as "because, so, so, also" were quickly used. Language develops late, but it does look like it grows.
And some girls, 1 year old and 9 months old, are very articulate. After entering kindergarten at the age of 3, he actively and passively communicated with teachers and classmates for 1 year, and his ability to "quarrel" at the age of 4 naturally improved a lot.
Parents and friends will find that some 4-year-old children can not refute the truth, and the logic is still quite strong.
So, it's good that the child can argue with you a few words, and it's his/her little head moving.
Second, 4-year-olds have some emotional control, but they still can't control some of their rebellious emotions.
The American Academy of Pediatrics Parenting Encyclopedia concludes that after the child is 4 years old, he may have some control over some of his elusive emotions, but he still can't control some of his rebellious emotions.
There is a similar comment in "Your N-Year-Old Suit": Maybe sometimes four-year-olds can't stand their disobedience
I once asked my child, "Why did you have to do that?" (Doing that is not good for the child himself, except for fighting with his mother, but it does not affect his mother.) ）
The child couldn't answer either, and he didn't know why. Maybe it was at that moment that the emotions were aroused, and he didn't know how to control himself.
Many people have complained: "I (usually the mother) is not at home, the child's grandparents and fathers say that the child is very good to take and very well-behaved." ”
Why?
Because the child knows: it is safe and the most trustworthy relationship in the mother's place, even if I lose my temper, the mother still loves me.
My husband often says that children are stupid: Obviously, your mother has done the most to you and hit you the hardest, but you are still the most sticky mother.
The American Academy of Pediatrics Parenting Encyclopedia also tells us that if you take the right approach, these behaviors (behaviors that cannot control their emotions) will gradually disappear when the child goes to school.
Third, the typical trait of a 4-year-old – doing everything excessively.
"Your N-year-old suit" says: Three-year-olds are omnipotent in their minds. Four-year-olds will find that although adults are still very capable, they are no longer omnipotent. He now found himself far more capable than ever, daring to do what he saw as bad, and knowing that the sky would not fall because of it.
Therefore, in terms of safety issues, we have to reiterate to the child countless times: the 2-year-old child does not understand, and the 4-year-old child understands a little, and does not understand a little. He would get used to teetering between rules and challenging rules, looking back at his parents' faces to judge whether he wanted to continue to wade or follow them.
4-year-olds are very obsessed with the rules of daily life, such as which way to go home today, and which pair of shoes "I" want to wear (even if it has just been washed and not dried).
If you don't say hello to your child in advance and change some of your rules, your child will fall into a state of panic and not know how to be good. This seemingly funny "law" is actually a child seeking a sense of security.
Although the language ability has developed, the child is also in the exploratory stage, and may say to the parent in a commanding tone, "You bring it to me." Parents don't need to be too nervous about going online, and guide their children to use polite words such as "please", "thank you", and "sorry".
In the face of the hateful and cute 4-year-old baby, parents and friends actually have a plan!
3
According to the development law of children, "recruitment must win" to get a 4-year-old "rebellious" baby
In fact, the child's "abnormal" is just a general law of growth and development at a specific time, in fact, the child is quite "normal". As parents, after understanding the characteristics of 4-year-old children, we want to explore more of course how to spend the year with our children.
First, "cold treatment" of children: give the mother a holiday, so that the father can also experience the taste of being "angry" by the baby.
In fact, we all understand that it is just a child, many are not a big problem, and it is good to correct the mistakes, but if the cycle continues, the tired mother really can't hold back, and can't stop arguing with the babbling child. At this time, other family members are really needed to temporarily take over the child.
I took the twins once on the weekend, from getting up to "don't don't", to eating and washing my face is a variety of "no" and "not good". I knew that my own emotions were not right, and I said to my husband: "The next exercises, you take them to do!" ”
My husband looked at me with a wrong face and silently accepted.
Then I made myself a cup of hot chocolate in my room, and listened to my husband yell uncontrollably: "Did you just say this?" Why don't you remember and don't know? I really can't help but laugh out loud, if I continue to accompany the baby, I should be "domestic violence" baby!
Now that the child is particularly skinny and there is no reason to talk about it, I will leave the child for a while and dry it for a while.
After all, the child is also 4 years old, seeing his mother leave, he naturally understands that his mother is angry. Even if I didn't understand it, my mother's own emotions were relieved and released to a certain extent.
Second, accompany the child to "go crazy" together, so that the child can fully vent the excess energy.
Children naturally like fun things, walking and rubbing, you can propose to compete together to see who arrives first, or jump with one foot and two feet towards the destination to see if you can do a good job and stimulate the motivation of the child to move forward.
Children love to say "stinky rice", "stinky pee", you stipulate that "you can't say it when eating", other times ignore the child, and attract the child with more interesting language: "You are really a baked marshmallow", "You are a caterpillar that has been flattened", so that the child can vent his emotions but will not say dirty words.
Parents try to spend as much time with their children, read books, go out to play ball, fly kites. In the process of play, give children a sense of security, but also let children learn the correct way to interact with people, learn polite language.
Third, let go of anxiety and properly follow the child is not so bad.
One of my most recent clashes with my twin brothers was when they went to bed to read the last book, and they insisted on using blocks to finish a car in their hands.
I feel that I have punished the child for not following the mother's arrangement: hurry up and read, sleep, and the mother has her own personal time.
But what about children?
"But that would be my focus on my own building block game (the two kids' concentration is really good), and I didn't want to answer my mother, because I knew that if I answered, I would be twisted according to my mother's schedule."
If I deal with it in a different way, quietly wait for the child to finish playing, if they still want to read, they will also read, but when it is time to sleep, they will not read. Instead of punishing the child in the first place and not reading to the child.
Children may understand better: if they want to play, read a book, and have to go to bed before 10 o'clock, it is most appropriate to follow the mother's schedule.
For example, I gave the example at the beginning of the two little girls who must wear hats, must wear velvet shoes, if the mother depends on the child, let the child suffer because of her own choice, the child will wake up: the original mother suggested me, is the best choice.
Sometimes we want to give the best to the child, but the child does not understand what is necessarily appropriate, he/she wants to measure with his or her feet to go for a walk.
As a parent, if it is not related to safety and health issues, it is appropriate to follow the child, let him/her explore the world on his own, and let him/her try it himself!
epilogue
Each child has certain individual differences, not necessarily "terrible" at the age of 2, "cute" at the age of 3, and "hateful" at the age of 4.
The general law of development is still universal. Understand certain rules, find that "our children are the same", and feel every bit of progress of his/her in the process of accompanying children.
When the child grows to 5 years old and becomes a confident and stable big child, you may miss the 4-year-old doll who is a little noisy, a little bit of shaft, a little sticky, and loves to say "Mommy I love you"!
(Some of the pictures are from the Internet, the copyright belongs to the original author)