Happy people, a lifetime of childhood healed, unfortunate people, to use a lifetime to heal childhood.
——Alfred Adler
Oliver is a little athletic and has recently learned to ride a bike. Because of this, I also went to buy an adult bicycle to accompany him. He had been taught to be an honest and trustworthy man since he was a child, and now he was asking me to do the same, so what he promised him had to be done.
This Tuesday promised him to ride with him after school, but there were suddenly many things that day, and people were more tired. When I pushed the cart downstairs with him, the mood was a little irritable, and after riding two or three laps, I let him play by himself for a while, and I took a break. He began to get upset, and I was upset, so I yelled at him. He rode with him, probably he rode ten laps, came back, asked me to accompany him again, I was still a little impatient, after about five seconds, he suddenly cried, and I was even more annoyed!!! But I restrained myself and crouched down and asked him, what's wrong with you, and he said, "Just suddenly two dogs came out of a corner, and he almost didn't brake the car and hit them." ”
Later, I began to blame myself, it was so dark, although it was in the community, there were street lights, but I promised to accompany him to ride first. I began to reflect and start to look at things that adults sometimes can't do, why do I have to let children do it?
Don't play!!!
Don't look around!!!
Don't desert it!!!
Don't play with erasers anymore!!!
Don't bite your nails!!!
Don't run around!!!
......
Are these words familiar? Have you told your children? Did they do what you told them?
Let's do another experiment:
Close your eyes and you see a lemon, and then imagine you going to Disney, you see a balloon, you go playing Over the Horizon, don't think about lemons, Tron Speed Light Wheel Motorcycle, Seven Dwarf Mine Carts, don't think about lemons,......, and carousels, watch fireworks shows, don't think about lemons.
Now that you can open your eyes, I'm sure 99% of people only remember lemons in this imagination.
Why? Because you keep telling yourself "don't think about lemons" in your heart, you've been reinforcing this thing!
You tell the child not to do this, not to do that, and you are reinforcing this behavior.
What should we do?
Coming right over, black turns white.
For example, when a child jumps on the sofa, we can say to the child, "Come, sit down." ”
"It's useless for me to say that, he still doesn't listen to me." So is your attitude to your child's communication and the tone of your speech good?
We can use the 55387 law to communicate effectively with children.
55% of the communication attitude, including movements, expressions, etc.; 38% of the tone and tone of speech; 7% of the content of speech. Attitude is the most important, tone and tone are secondary, and content of speech is last. The old saying "attitude is everything" is true.
Before communicating with children, we should follow the three small steps and stop "tall, big, ugly". Start by asking yourself, "Is my voice high?" Is my movement big? Is my expression ugly? "Only in this way can we communicate effectively with our children."
The wise fear causes, and the fools fear effects. Sometimes we don't even understand ourselves but think we know our children very well, and parents only need to change 1%, and the children will change 99%.