Text/Xiaoyun
Life is alive, who doesn't want to live well! The thought of death made almost everyone feel terrible, so much so that emperors of all dynasties sought the elixir of immortality. There is also an old saying that it is better to die than to live.
But now in society, most of the elderly over 90 years old seem to be less nostalgic for life, and some elderly people even want to be relieved as soon as possible. What's going on?
Next, let's look at the stories of the following elderly people.
▶ The children are reluctant to support them, and the elderly take their own children to court
In June 2020, Zhou Mou, a centenarian living in Nanchuan District, Chongqing, took his five children to court. Because the centenarian is old and sick, he has been unable to take care of himself, and the five children blame each other, no one is willing to support her, and the old man was once driven to a dangerous house to live.
Finally, the elderly filed a lawsuit through legal aid, demanding that the children bear their own living expenses as well as medical expenses.
Why do the sons and mothers have to go to court? Speaking of which, there is a difficult scripture in the family.
Zhou has two sons and three daughters, and the daughter is not around when she gets married. The old man originally lived with the younger son, but the younger son was originally poor, and the problem of eating may be easy to cope with, but the old man has been sick for a long time and the medical expenses incurred by the younger son are really difficult to bear.
The eldest son has better economic conditions and has just built a new house. However, the eldest son has been working outside the home for many years and is not at home, and the family does not let the elderly move into a new house. The five brothers and sisters often quarrel over the issue of supporting the elderly.
Finally, under the persuasion and mediation of the village committee, the police station and the court staff, the five brothers and sisters finally reached an agreement: the old man lived with the younger son and was taken care of by him; the five brothers and sisters each gave the old man 200 yuan per month for living expenses; after the old man's medical expenses were reimbursed by the new agricultural cooperative, the five brothers and sisters would each bear one-fifth.
The matter was resolved, but the old man was certainly not comfortable in his heart, and he had been pulling the children to grow up all his life, and when he was old, no one was willing to support himself, especially when she was sick for many years and could not take care of herself.
There is a saying: "There is no filial piety in front of the bed for a long time.". When the old man reaches a certain age, there are more problems with the body. Not only is it blind and deaf, but it can also cause incontinence in severe cases.
The old man at this age has a temper like a child, and others can't hear anything clearly, and sometimes blame their children. In this situation, it is very rare that children can not be dirty and smelly, not afraid of tiredness, and take care of the elderly with love and patience.
And children often need to go to work to support their families. It's good to be close to my parents' house, but if I work hard in other cities, it's not easy to come back once. Therefore, children cannot be by the side of the elderly all the time.
Whenever they encounter such a dilemma, many elderly people think of dying early, no longer have to endure pain and live powerlessly, and do not want to trouble their children too much, hoping that they can die early and be relieved.
▶ Loneliness is a barrier that the elderly cannot walk
In India, a 146-year-old man, Mbagodo, with his children and grandchildren, is physically tough and occasionally gets a little sick. He was not short of people to take care of him, and his grandchildren respected him and took good care of him. But his greatest wish is to be able to die.
When he turned 100 years old, he was still very talkative and had no problems with his ears, and many people came to him from afar to ask him about the secret of longevity. He was also happy to chat with people and brag.
But the world is changing too fast, 100 years ago the old man and 100 years later grandchildren can not talk about it, although every year the grandchildren come to celebrate his birthday, but his inner loneliness is incompatible with the liveliness of the birthday feast.
Coupled with the fact that he has a problem with his ears and can't hear other people's conversations, people communicate with him less and less. No one could talk to him openly, and all he could do every day was listen to the radio, sit in the doorway, dazed, day after day.
And Death seemed to have forgotten him. He sent away one closest person after another, 10 brothers and sisters, 4 wives, and finally even his children died, but he was still alive.
The white-haired man sent the black-haired man, and again and again he was separated from death, and when the world was only himself, he felt that there was nothing left. It was as if the heart had died.
He wanted to die, but felt too lonely. After being hospitalized after his last illness, he ended his long life as he wished by fasting.
Many elderly people in our countryside are also like this old Indian man, their health is not as good as before, they can't go anywhere, they can't do anything, although there are food and clothing, and some people come to visit, but their generation is gone, and they don't know who to talk to.
What the elderly need is understanding and companionship, and they need their families to understand their emotions.
I remember when my grandmother was still alive, every time we went back to our hometown to visit her, she always blamed her mouth and said, "Why did you come all the way?" I'm old and immortal, and I'm always causing you trouble. ”
But when we were too busy to see her, she said to the people around her: "My grandson, why don't you come to see me?" ”
But children and grandchildren also have their own things to do, and no one can guard the old man every day. Most people think that old people eat well and dress warmly is filial piety. Moreover, children and grandchildren talk to a blind old man as much as they talk to themselves.
▶ Only by transcending life and death can we let go of life and death
In the same year as the Indian old man who fasted, there was also a 96-year-old teacher, chen Sikou, the wife of the famous professor Zhao Baoxu.
Teacher Chen is an open-minded intellectual. After her wife died, she knew that the children were busy at work and lived far away, and she didn't need the children to come to see her often.
She loves life, cares about current affairs, and is interested in all disciplines of art. Arrange your own life colorfully, have your own study plan and life rules.
She does whatever she wants, and every day she has a lot of busy things. For example, after she gets up in the morning, she does exercises, prepares a nutritious breakfast, and then listens to the news, reads books and newspapers, and carefully takes reading notes. When it was empty, she still chased the drama, crying and laughing with the plot.
She doesn't even need a babysitter, she likes to live alone and do as much as she can. She also pays attention to the maintenance of the body.
After retiring, she seriously studied a lot of medical and health care knowledge. She said that she knows her body best, and the best doctor is herself. She combined the problems of her own health, summed up what can not be eaten, can not be done, and then developed habits, and long-term persistence.
For some minor diseases, she explored an effective treatment method suitable for herself, and she felt that the elderly did not need to run to the hospital every day.
It is a law of nature that a man will eventually die. Once the old man's physical functions are completely exhausted, it is inevitable to shake hands with the god of death, what to do?
Teacher Chen said that at this time, in addition to trying to make yourself happy and happy, you should try to "walk faster" in the last part of your life, so as to reduce your pain and avoid burdening your family. In the face of inevitable death, we need to be calm.
When we think of our time, we will always have a lot of attachments to the world and cannot accept the fact that we will no longer exist.
And as long as we live well when we are alive, we will have no regrets when we want to leave. As for the concern for children, the old saying is good, "children and grandchildren have their own children and grandchildren", for children, the old people only need to bless them in their hearts.
Teacher Chen said that only by transcending life and death can we let go of life and death.
After Ms. Chen's 96-year-old cancer attack and various complications appeared together, she knew that she had reached the last moment of her life and she was going to say goodbye to the world.
So she refused to go to the hospital and didn't get injections and pills to keep her alive. She said she didn't want "life without quality", she only wanted to be able to "walk" faster and not drag others down. In the end she decisively ended her life by fasting.
▼ Written at the end:
Now, our country has entered the aging stage, and the aging population is approaching 300 million people. The issue of old-age care for the elderly is also becoming more and more important. On November 24, the state issued opinions on strengthening the work of aging in the new era.
The opinion proposes to study and formulate support policies such as housing to encourage adult children to live nearby or with their elderly parents in order to better care for the elderly.
This is a very timely policy. Our country has always advocated the concept of respecting the elderly and providing for the elderly. However, with the process of urbanization, a large number of young and middle-aged laborers flocked to the city to work, leaving many "empty nesters".
At present, family pension is the main way of providing for the elderly in China, but after all, the power of individual families is limited.
Especially in one-child families, a child has to support four parents and work, which is difficult to imagine, which is one of the main reasons why people dare not have children now.
Therefore, to solve the problem of old-age care, it is necessary to improve and perfect national policies, expand and develop old-age institutions, and support from all walks of life.
Under the coordination of the government, enterprises and society, we will gradually improve the old-age service, so that the vision of relying on the elderly and supporting the elderly will be realized as soon as possible.
Below, the discussion comes: what do you do when there are elderly people in the family who need to be cared for? Or when you're old, how do you want to arrange your old age? Feel free to leave a comment below to discuss.
Reviewed: candy /Lantian Baiyun
Pictured: Wind He
Proofreading: Wind He
Typography: Han Xu