To say that the originator of Ma Baonan, not the "Peacock Southeast Flying" in jiao Zhongqing is nothing, if it is not his sentimentality, cowardice, low emotional intelligence, no responsibility, Liu Lanzhi will not die at all, even if he finally "hangs himself on the southeast branch" can not be washed white.
"Peacock Southeast Flying" is a story that everyone is very familiar with, mainly telling the story of a fallen official eunuch Liu Lanzhi marrying Jiao Zhongqing, a phoenix mother bao male, husband and wife love, jealousy and abuse by the mother-in-law, forcing Jiao Zhongqing to divorce his wife, Liu Lanzhi was forced to remarry after returning home, and the two committed suicide.
It still sounds like a touching love story, full of relentless indictments of the feudal system. But a careful consideration found that this is not the case, because the whole tragedy is basically caused by Jiao Zhongqing, a husband with low emotional intelligence, and what mother-in-law contradiction is not the focus at all.
<h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right" data-track="6" the root cause of Jiao's anger > jiao's mother is Jiao Zhongqing's attitude and way of handling the "mother-in-law relationship"</h1>
When it comes to "Peacock Southeast Flying", everyone will often focus on the "contradiction between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law", although Liu Lanzhi's evil mother-in-law Jiao Mu is indeed difficult, but she is really not the key to the problem, the key is her husband Jiao Zhongqing, it is his low emotional intelligence method when dealing with the problem of mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, it is almost to break through the heart of the earth.
Take Liu Lanzhi "thirteen can weave vegetarian, fourteen learn tailoring." Fifteen bullets, sixteen poems" personal cultivation, and the situation that the later County Order and the Taishou family were asked to marry her, it seems that she is by no means a poor lady of a small household, but a bridesmaid of the official eunuch family.
Otherwise, a picky person like Jiao Mu would not look up to her at all, and don't forget that Jiao Zhongqing is just a grassroots civil servant - a government official, Jiao Mu's tail is about to fly to the sky, thinking that he is "Ru is a big man, a eunuch in the Tai Pavilion", and the cowhide should not be blown too full.
It can be seen that the marriage of Liu Lanzhi and Jiao Zhongqing is a marriage between two families of fallen officials and eunuchs, but Jiao Mu believes that her son is a man, who has an absolute gender advantage in ancient times, and can have a meritorious name that is the Protégé of Tianzi, don't look at it now is just a small official, and will be the prime minister in the future.
The daughter-in-law Liu Lanzhi is different, don't look at Miss Qianjin before marriage, after marriage, she will only assign the Jiao family to be a free nanny and maid: "Chickens chirp into the weaving, night and night." Five horses are cut off in three days, and the adults are too late", and the family status cannot be higher than that of cattle and horses.
But Jiao Zhongqing, this stinky boy, how could he be so good to Liu Lanzhi? Obviously, he often works overtime in the unit, does not go home for several days, and "sees each other is often rare", but it is not easy to go home on the weekend holidays, and he knows to accompany his daughter-in-law in the house and circle around Liu Lanzhi.
This is a typical "marrying a daughter-in-law and forgetting the mother" in the eyes of Jiao's mother, if the Jiao family has an older husband, it is better, but the sad thing is that Jiao's mother is a widow, she has worked hard to pull a son and a daughter, and the daughter will also be someone else's family in the future, Jiao Zhongqing is the whole of her life!
But now Jiao Zhongqing only has Liu Lanzhi in his eyes, two mouthfuls of good honey oil, playing hot, Jiao Mother must feel that her son was snatched away by Liu Lanzhi, the son only loves his daughter-in-law and does not love himself, then her family status will not be able to be saved, and her happiness in her old age is hopeless.
And Liu Lanzhi is really too outstanding in all aspects, young, beautiful, industrious, virtuous, gentle, kind, the value of Jiao's mother in the family has seriously shrunk, Jiao Zhongqing's most trusted and dependent woman is no longer an old mother, but has become a wife Liu Lanzhi.
Therefore, Jiao's mother, who was full of bitterness and resentment, vented all her resentment on her daughter-in-law Liu Lanzhi, especially when Jiao Zhongqing was not at home, and tortured her in various ways. Liu Lanzhi said that everything was wrong, and nothing was wrong.
Liu Lanzhi herself is a cultured woman, she was once the pearl in the palm of her parents, Miss Qianjin, Jiao Zhongqing also spoiled her and loved her, respected her, why should she be tortured by the evil mother-in-law? If she can't go on, she will get a divorce, so she said to Jiao Zhongqing: "It is difficult for the Junjia woman to do it!" Concubines cannot be driven, and they leave nothing to do. You can bai gong yao and send them back in time. ”
Originally, this is the contradiction between ordinary mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, in fact, as long as the husband's emotional intelligence is higher and can be coordinated, it is mainly to coax the old mother well, and it will not be to the extent of divorce.
After all, Liu Lanzhi is very good in all aspects, there is no fault at all, and Jiao Mu is just holding her breath and not going well.
But how did Jiao Zhongqing deal with it? He listened to Liu Lanzhi's words, and then went to find his mother to lose his temper:
"The son has been blessed with a thin face, but fortunately he has regained this woman." Tie the hair and pillow seat, Huang Quan is a friend. We worked together for two or three years, but it didn't last long. There is no bias in the women's line, and what is meant is not thick. ”
The translation is: Mother, don't be a demon! I have nothing to do, I can marry this good daughter-in-law is already the ancestral grave smoke, Lanzhi she is particularly good, why do you want to be okay to find things?
Isn't that what is adding fuel to the fire? Jiao Mu was indeed more angry, but she couldn't find out that Liu Lanzhi had any big mistakes, so she said that she didn't listen to her own words, "This woman is rude, and her actions are self-exclusive", probably like many modern mothers-in-law do not let their daughters-in-law wear lipstick and wear miniskirts, but the daughter-in-law still does her own thing.
Jiao's mother even said that even the next family had found a good one for her son, "There is a virtuous daughter in the east family, who calls herself Qin Luoshi". But is that really the case? Not necessarily!
Otherwise, Liu Lanzhi left on the front foot, and Qin Luoshi should have passed through the door, but the fact is that when Jiao Zhongqing said that he was going to martyrdom, Jiao Mu had not yet received a reply from Qin Luoshi's family.
On the one hand, this shows that Jiao Zhongqing did not intend to let Jiao Zhongqing leave Liu Lanzhi at the beginning, on the other hand, it shows that Jiao Zhongqing's conditions are average, and the Qin family may not look up to him.
However, because Jiao Zhongqing, who has low emotional intelligence, defends his wife and accuses his mother of his words, Jiao's mother made up her mind: this daughter-in-law cannot stay! She has already determined that Liu Lanzhi is a "fox spirit", not only robbing her of her position in her son's heart, but also instigating her son to confront the old mother.
Therefore, Jiao Mu immediately said that Liu Lanzhi must leave, and she used her mother's paternalism to force Jiao Zhongqing to abandon Liu Lanzhi.
In fact, things have developed here, even if Jiao's mother strongly requires her son to choose between her daughter-in-law and her mother, if Jiao Zhongqing's emotional intelligence is high, there is still room for redemption. That is to send the daughter-in-law back to her mother's house for a short time, and then coax the old mother well.
When Liu Lanzhi left, many of the housework in the family was not done, Jiao Zhongqing was not happy, Jiao Zhongqing was not happy, Jiao Mu was not served, and no one was angry. She probably remembered the benefits of Liu Lanzhi, and she didn't necessarily change her mind.
But Jiao Zhongqing's emotional intelligence obviously did not realize this, he openly hardened with his mother, saying: You want me to divorce her, I will never look for anyone else in the future! "If you send this woman now, you will never take it back!"
This is good, Jiao Mu is almost angry to death, "Amu has to smell it, the hammer bed is angry", she said the root of her anger: "The boy is fearless, how dare he help the woman!" ”
Her dissatisfaction from beginning to end is not Liu Lanzhi at all, but Jiao Zhongqing's attitude towards Liu Lanzhi and her, as well as the way to deal with the "contradiction between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law".
From Jiao's point of view, it is that her son, who was conceived and raised in October, was widowed for many years and worked hard for him to go to college, was admitted to the civil service, and married him a daughter-in-law. Originally ready to enjoy the blessings of Qingfu, who thought that the son actually married the daughter-in-law and forgot the mother, this is not equivalent to the son being robbed by the daughter-in-law, and her efforts in the first half of her life were to make a wedding dress for Liu Lanzhi?
This is certainly not enough! Divorce, must be divorced, change a duty of honesty, will not stick to the son, confuse the son and their own daughter-in-law to do it.
After all, in the eyes of Jiao Zhongqing, Jiao Zhongqing is so outstanding, he will be the prime minister in the future, and he is worried about not being able to find a good daughter-in-law! It's just a random choice, even if it's a princess, it's just worthy, what is Liu Lanzhi?
At this point, Jiao Zhongqing had nothing to say.
He could not refute his mother's decision to ask him to divorce his wife, but his tough attitude did not satisfy his mother, although Jiao's mother's anger was a little smoother, but her heart was still full of grievances, she still thought that what a son was, she did not know how to understand her mother's heart at all.
<h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right" data-track="6" > was originally a decent breakup, Jiao Zhongqing's aplicity, cowardice, and irresponsibility killed Liu Lanzhi</h1>
Liu Lanzhi is not an ordinary woman, she is full of independence, freedom and rebellion, especially from the end of her resolute martyrdom, is a proper and fierce woman.
In the face of her husband's frequent overtime work and not returning home, she can keep lonely, work and weave by herself to do housework, serve her mother-in-law, and raise her sister-in-law;
In the face of the torture and difficulty of the evil mother-in-law, she did not swallow her anger, but took the lead in proposing a divorce, letting Jiao Zhongqing abandon her, and everyone was different and happy.
When Jiao Zhongqing was powerless to resist Jiao Mu, crying and crying, he said that he could only abandon her now, and then find an opportunity to let her come back later.
She didn't even cry along with her, but said very rationally: "The predicate is innocent, and the offering is great; still more expelled, how to return the words!" ”
She already knew that she wouldn't be able to reach The Mother's satisfaction anyway, so she made it clear that I wouldn't be back! I don't want my dowry, leave it to your next wife, you just have to remember our past kindness.
"Concubines have embroidered waistbands, and the leaves are self-generating; the red Luo Fu Dou tent, the four-corner hanging sachet; the box curtain is sixty or seventy, the green and green silk rope, and the things are different, and all kinds of things are in it." People are despised, not enough to welcome future generations, and left to be left as a legacy, and there is no reason for this. Always comforting, long time unforgettable! ”
This also shows that Liu Lanzhi is not bad money, she and Jiao Zhongqing are true love, but she also has her own pride and self-esteem, she will not seek perfection for love, but also will not completely betray her love because of external obstruction.
When she left the Jiao family, she also dressed up, and she had to leave with dignity. Such a strong psychological quality is that many modern women may not be able to do it when divorcing:
The chicken chirps and the bride puts on strict makeup. I embroidered the skirt and did everything in all directions. The feet are trampled, and the tortoiseshell light is on the head. The waist is like a stream of silk, and the ears are bright and bright. Fingers such as chopping shallot roots, mouth such as zhu dan. Slim and delicate steps, exquisite and unparalleled.
Sure enough, When Jiao Mu saw that she was dressed so beautifully and so hard, she was even more angry. Liu Lanzhi did not care whether she was angry or not, only politely resigned:
"When I was a daughter, I was born in the wilderness. Ben has no lessons, and he is ashamed of your family. Driven by the mother's money, she cannot be driven by the mother. Today I will go home and miss my mother's house. ”
Many readers think that this paragraph is to say that Liu Lanzhi's family conditions are not good, she was born in the countryside, she received a lot of dowries from the Jiao family, and her suspicious Jiao mother looked down on her before abusing her. What I understand is completely different, this is Liu Lanzhi's self-modesty, incidentally with a little irony.
If she really was a girl from a poor family, she would never have such a good upbringing and ability, nor would she read poetry or dowry. Not to mention that after being abandoned, they will quickly find two next homes, and one is more high-end than the other, either the county order or the too guard, which is much better than the conditions of the Jiao family.
Since she does not plan to come back, she can completely satirize a jiao mother: our family is naturally a small family, I have no education, I have climbed your son, and I have received a lot of dowry from your family, but you can't serve your old man's satisfaction, now I want to leave, the family work you do yourself.
There is a little contradiction here, that is, "When the bride first came, the sister-in-law began to support the bed; today she is expelled, and the sister-in-law is as long as I am." Contradicting Jiao Zhongqing's previous statement that "working together for two or three years, the beginning has not been long", many readers believe that Liu Lanzhi has not given birth, which is also the key point of Jiao's dissatisfaction.
My understanding is that Jiao Zhongqing's words are more credible, and Liu Lanzhi's words are exaggerated. Because according to Jiao Zhongqing's emotional intelligence and the respective tempers of Jiao's mother and Liu Lanzhi, Liu Lanzhi could not have lived in the Jiao family for so many years.
Although the time is not long, but Liu Lanzhi has a crush on the Jiao family, after all, the husband is true love, the sister-in-law is not bad, only the evil mother-in-law does not deal with it, so although she behaves very decently, she cries when she gets on the carriage, "go out to board the car, and drop more than a hundred lines."
Originally, Liu Lanzhi and Jiao Zhongqing left, and Jiao Zhongqing could not fight against his mother anyway. Liu Lanzhi is also a big heroine with independent ideas, but the bad is bad in Jiao Zhongqing.
This low emotional intelligence, cowardly, irresponsible man, is an amorous seed, he took Liu Lanzhi's hand and cried and cried: "Swear not to be separated from Qingqing, and to return home for the time being." I will go to the house now, and I will return soon. Swear not to be negative! ”
What do you mean? That is to say, he hopes that Liu Lanzhi will not remarry, waiting for him, he will certainly not fail her.
But obviously they all gave up, why do they still have the face to say such things? How long will it be?
Liu Lanzhi saw through it and did not say broken, they really still have hope, as long as both of them can insist on not marrying or marrying, as long as Jiao Mu returns to the west when she is old, they can continue the frontier.
Therefore, Liu Lanzhi, a strange woman who cherished feelings, also promised him: "The king is regarded as a rock, and the concubine is regarded as a reed." The reeds are like silk, and the rocks are not transferred. But she also said that her father and brother are not very good-tempered, and may not let her wait at home to be humiliated and make people laugh, hoping that Jiao Zhongqing can think of a way to coax Jiao's mother and take her back as soon as possible.
But Jiao Zhongqing did not have half a word or a promise, nor did he go home to find Jiao Mu, but turned to work! Is he in the mood to go to work?! I really don't know what to say, and I can't tell the difference between primary and secondary contradictions.
Sure enough, the quality of liu Lanzhi's family is relatively high, and the mother loves her daughter without mistake, and even blocks the county Ling family's courtship. However, Liu Lanzhi's reputation was too good in the local area, so soon the prince of the Taishou family also came to ask for marriage.
"Peacock Southeast Flying" is a Han Le Fu, Taishou in the Han Dynasty is the highest official of a county, Liu Lanzhi if it is not the official eunuch family's bridesmaid "said that there are Lan family daughters, inheritance has eunuchs", there is no way to have this card face, the second marriage will also have Taishou Gongzi to propose.
Moreover, liu Lanzhi's remarriage process is very strict, and all kinds of etiquette are very solemn, which is the big stroke of a famous and prestigious family:
Green bird white crane, four-horned dragon flag. Graceful na turns with the wind, and the golden car is used as a wheel. Stomping green horses, tasseled gold saddles. Three million yuan, all worn with green silk. Three hundred horses of miscellaneous colors, Jiaoguang City Salmon Zhen. From four or five hundred people, Yu Yu Deng County Gate.
When Jiao Zhongqing heard the news, he was anxious, quickly took leave from the unit, and rushed to Liu Lanzhi's house. Liu Lanzhi was being persecuted by her father and brother, there was nothing else she could do but cry, as soon as she saw him coming, she asked Jiao Zhongqing if she had any hope?
In fact, if Jiao Zhongqing was brave at this time, he would go to Liu Lanzhi's parents to theorize, although he might be beaten, but he would not be completely out of play.
Or at this point, he recognized the situation, was generous, and saw that Liu Lanzhi was about to marry into the rich, and he was not able to give her happiness, so he sent blessings. Turn around and marry another one, hello me good jiao mother, everyone has their own place, they all live a mediocre life, in fact, it is not bad.
An independent heroine like Liu Lanzhi, even if she can't forget Jiao Zhongqing, she won't really go looking for death. However, Jiao Zhongqing is such an irresponsible and irresponsible low emotional intelligence, and his next words directly forced Liu Lanzhi to die:
"He Qing has to move high!" The rock is square and thick, and can last for a thousand years; the reed is sewn for a while, and it is done overnight. Qing won the day, I alone to The Yellow Spring! ”
The translation is: Congratulations on finding a good partner again, you have betrayed me, you have lived a glorious and rich life, I will die myself.
What logic is this? Wasn't the Book of Hugh written by Jiao Zhongqing first? Wasn't it that he couldn't protect Liu Lanzhi, which caused today's situation? How to say it as if Liu Lanzhi was sorry for him, this ability to throw the pot is really invincible, but also threaten others.
Liu Lanzhi is also a person with a temper and pride, when she heard Jiao Zhongqing misunderstand her so much, she was also true love for him, where she could bear this stimulus: "What did you mean by this!" The same is persecuted, and so are the concubines of the King. See you under the Yellow Spring, don't go against today's words! ”
Therefore, on the day of the new marriage, Liu Lanzhi "took off her skirt and took off her shoes and lifted herself to Qingchi", while Jiao Zhongqing first went home to bid farewell to Jiao's mother, and hesitated to wait for half a day, at this point, he still did not quite believe that Liu Lanzhi would really be martyred for her, afraid that he would sacrifice in vain.
Until he waited for the news of Liu Lanzhi's death, "The government officials heard about this matter and knew that they would leave each other. Wander under the garden tree, hanging from the southeast branch. ”
Then after the accident between these two people, the two families did not fight, and it was strange that they actually asked for a joint burial. Not to mention how obscure the family is, that is, the violent father and brother of the Liu Lanzhi family will also regret it, and what has Jiao Zhongqing's old mother gained?
The "thank you to future generations, caution and do not forget" at the end of the article is not only admonishing mother-in-law to be kind to daughter-in-law, but also admonishing husbands to learn to improve emotional intelligence and reasonably deal with the contradiction between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law.
Nanshan orange warm / text