Qian Zhongshu once said in the book "Siege of the City": "Elderly people move love, just like the old house is on fire, incorrigible." ”
However, such a statement, when encountering an elderly "old man", will be more thoughtful, consider and then make a careful choice.
Recently, whether on social media or online platforms, Lin Shengbin's verbal criticism is still being updated every few days.
The reason is that Lin Shengbin, the male owner who lost his wife and children in the "Hangzhou Nanny Arson Case", continued to expose the follow-up details.
Four years later, the night before July 1, he sent a message through social media that he was married again and had a daughter.
At that time, Lin Shengbin's wife Zhu Xiaozhen and three children set fire to the nanny for making money and died in the fire.
His grief over the loss of his wife and children is undeniable, and it is indeed sympathetic as a husband and father.
Perhaps even he himself did not expect that the original intention of sharing joy had reversed, and even caused public anger.
It could have been thought that it was his freedom for such a man to come out of his misery and start a new life.
But what really makes many netizens angry is not that he remarried, but that he created a "sad" persona while inciting marketing.
After the case, he asked the property for more than 100 million yuan in compensation, and on a hot day, he pulled the body of his deceased wife and son to the property for several days.
His passionate speech attracted onlookers and called on everyone to add his Weibo.
He opened his own children's clothing online store and company through "Bo sympathy" to suck up powder, while using his deceased wife and son to suck gold, but at the same time saying that he loved his wife and son.
Until Zhu Xiaozhen's brother couldn't bear it, he broke out that he did not share the compensation of 100 million yuan to his deceased wife's parents, and he also wanted his father-in-law and mother-in-law to go to court with him.
More details of the extreme fear were pulled out by netizens, four years ago he promised to set up a foundation failed, the arson case was full of doubts, marital infidelity, tax evasion and tax evasion.
After that, Lin Shengbin even closed the Taobao store, emptied Douyin, and sent five Weibo posts in a row to defend himself.
However, in the face of various doubts on the Internet, the "small essays" and chat records published by them are only to avoid the heavy and light, and cannot withstand scrutiny, but inadvertently hammer themselves.
For example, he claims to have a good relationship with his parents-in-law, but when he receives compensation, he is reluctant to return the inheritance belonging to Zhu Xiaozhen to his parents-in-law.
The timeline of marriage with the current wife in '97 does not match, but it confirms that they have known each other since 17 years;
In response to netizens breaking the news that he saw him skydiving with other women in Australia in 18 years, he did not deny it.
Telling his current wife that he is "not a complete man" can still make the incumbent unplanned pregnancy.
How affectionate the former "Father Lin" and "Mr. Lin" were, now it makes people feel how thin and widowed.
In order to rely on the woman's family lineage and resources when he was young, he seemed to have a deep affection for Bai Fumei Zhu Xiaozhen, and when he was older, he took a fancy to the youth of another person and quickly fell in love with Xiao Jiao's wife.
It is worth mentioning that the development of the situation to the current situation, the choice of marrying such an old man's little wife highlights the biggest hidden danger in the marriage.
01
The biggest hidden danger of marrying an old man
In the face of marriage, women will desire men to share in the family, and in the same way, men also hope that they can worry less about their hearts, which will be mixed with a little selfishness.
Most women feel that middle-aged men are more mature and stable, will hurt people and lovers, and will be more reliable in life and will be more stable.
But old men, in marriage, pay more attention not to love, but to conform to the choices of others.
At the beginning, the poor boy Lin Shengbin married Bai Fumei Zhu Xiaozhen, and the old man's family contributed money, connections and resources.
Gradually, the couple began to make money, and Lin Shengbin became the boss of a clothing company from a hairdresser's hairdresser.
Presumably, for his dead wife and children, Lin Shengbin did not use others repeatedly to earn tears and sympathy in the beginning.
But later, compared with the romance of the sea oath mountain alliance in his youth, the pursuit of pragmatic rationality and selfishness became more and more obvious.
Men are more rational than women, and there is a scientific basis.
Professor Hong Lan, a well-known brain cognitive educator in Taiwan, shared an experiment in which men and women each listened to a sad story.
Women's brains show areas that are responsive, which can be the size of a slap, but areas where men's brains react are only the size of two or three fingernail caps.
This is enough to prove that men's ability to empathize is really very different from that of women.
So we will see that Lin Shengbin earned a lot of money and said that he loved Zhu Xiaozhen, but he did not pay attention to his former parents-in-law.
But older men, no matter what their wealth is, inevitably want to be trusted, cared for, and even realize their value by "selling misery".
As Lin Shengbin himself said, his deceased wife and three children all hope that he can live a happy life.
And women have always had the nature of "mu strong and help the weak", especially in the face of old men with a net worth of hundreds of millions, often think that this is love.
Lin Shengbin's nostalgia for his deceased wife and son over the years, as well as his own and his new wife's understanding and love experience, are actually deeply suspicious.
He was even pulled out and sent WeChat messages to his former parents-in-law, which coincided with the time node of his playing with other women.
For old men, if they are really in love, how can they have so many factors mixed in?
Can such love make both parties happy?
Old men have certain advantages over younger men in terms of spirit or material, which is understandable.
The charm that has been honed through time and society has made many people mistakenly think that their hearts must also match their identity.
The old men in the TV series "Shanghai Women's Picture Book" are Lin Li, who is the famous diamond king of Shanghai Beach.
Although the heroine Luo Haiyan, there is a gold lord like Lin Li, accompany him to play ball, and a group of wives to drink afternoon tea and chat, everyone is polite to her.
But then Lin Li offered to sign a five-year contract and give Haiyan a pigeon egg diamond ring.
It seems that she can't have the name of marriage, but with Lin Li for five years, she can have amazing property, enough to eat and wear for a lifetime.
In fact, Lin Li is interested in Haiyan's good ability and innocent family lineage.
Therefore, after Haiyan chose to refuse, instead Lin Li finally compromised, willing to give her the name of Mrs. Lin and give her half her life.
No matter how old women are, as they age, they will appreciate the worship of old men with spiritual and material wealth.
Fantasize about his pampering and tolerance like his father's elders, thinking that he can be treated differently to meet the needs and even lack of that part of his heart.
As everyone knows, the wisdom and experience they have are completely insufficient to deal with the instinctive calculations behind their vicissitudes.
Even if they are married, they will try their best to meet the needs of their partner, but they will not take risks, no matter what he wants, after all, it will not be human.
Such men are increasingly conforming to human needs, and sensual choices and decisions are becoming less and less within their consideration.
Therefore, women should recognize themselves and reality, live their own decisions, good or bad are their own.
02
Marry an old man and be well prepared
This era is no longer the era of "marrying a man and marrying a man to dress and eat".
Women can't think that because of the world's universal vision, old men will take care of people, mature and stable.
Maybe in the old man, there will still be grievances and loneliness.
Marriage, in particular, is to come out of the run-in of many problems, slowly learn to tolerate and forgive, and prepare accordingly again.
1. Let go of too much anticipation
Especially like middle-aged men, physically and mentally, they don't want to bother talking about a relationship, and when they meet the right one, they get married.
Such a marriage, because of the lack of running-in, almost no in-depth understanding to live together, may have a lot of problems.
Especially women who have fantasies about love and have a girlish heart inevitably have more yearning and expectations for life.
But marrying an old man will have a little less energy and passion.
They often experience career struggles and social precipitation, especially wanting a stable and comfortable life.
In the beginning, romance can be created, and pampering may also exist, but without the beauty expected.
What has been confirmed is that Lin Shengbin's current wife is his little assistant.
Netizens pulled out her Weibo, and Lin Shengbin had a piece of shopping together, there were Weibo posts at the same time and place, and there were more posts next to the mausoleum of the former hostess.
As an incumbent, I will not comment on whether she has intervened in the past and the issue of style.
As the wife who decided to walk with Lin Shengbin, she must have accepted Lin Shengbin's "incompleteness" in order to accompany her silently.
If the desired life state of two people is inconsistent, there is a high probability of disagreement and contradiction.
The psychological gap of having too much expectation is difficult to fill, if you can't put it down, with old men, it is still easy to embark on the road of divorce.
2. Have enough emotional intelligence and wisdom
The careful consideration of old men will make us ignore rational thinking.
Only by having the wisdom that matches the relationship and mastering the balance between the two sides can we get the respect and understanding that we deserve.
Maybe this ability is not available at the beginning, but learning to grow is to come out of many lessons and slowly gain understanding.
When we have emotional intelligence and wisdom, we gradually break away from their wings and maintain better relationships in mutual support and cooperation.
3. Don't test human nature
The famous Danish medical scientist and Nobel laureate Finson once said: Don't stand on the moral high ground and look down on others, and never test human nature.
Human nature is something that cannot stand the test, and so are feelings.
If we demand perfection on the one hand and refuse temptation on the other, we require him to be a saint.
In marriage, it is not wise for a woman to test an old man who has the intention of marrying by "doing".
Because they have gone through vicissitudes, it is easier for them to face the real problems and break through the lower limit and not pay attention to the rules.
For example, one of the problems that an older man may face in general is reproductive pressure.
If he desperately wants to have children, although some young women feel that it is not time, but middle-aged men feel that he is time.
At this time, it may contradict their plan, and to test the degree of love for themselves with life and non-birth is to require them to go against their nature.
We must discuss all this before getting married, and we cannot use this as a test of a man's sincerity.
Marriage needs to be treated with caution, but people's tolerance for external temptations is limited.
If you want to create your own problems and then stand on the moral high ground and point them out, he will not pass the test and will be said to be "really not sincere."
Even if you pass the test, you may inevitably think about it for a while or have a greater temptation?
The test is often out of doubt, and when you doubt him, you will be guided by the preset results and use various methods to verify it until it is completely in line with your expectations.
Everyone only pays attention to Lin Shengbin's disappointment and chill of "the collapse of human design", but no one pays attention to his responsibility for the existence of the new family.
Don't have perfect expectations of good men, or even try the test, because the result will definitely disappoint you.
Nietzsche said that there are two things in the world that cannot be looked at directly, one is the sun and the other is the human heart.
Even after millions of years of evolution, the only constant is instinct, which does not require any cultivation and training, and is innate.
What men pursue when they reach old age is nothing more than higher status, better material conditions, and more mating opportunities.
These are their fundamental interests, the source of their desperate fight, genes are always selfish and greedy, and they will do everything possible to realize their desires.
Even if it is a perfect image of an old man, don't always think of tearing apart other people's disguises, all disguises express another kind of truth.
If there is a person who wants to always be in disguise in front of you, then believe that this is what he is.
Some people say that the most important thing about getting along with people is to talk about the traces and ignore the heart.
Marriage with an old man, the wisdom that should be more important is to "give up illusions and seek truth from facts."
Author | Mu Chu Media copywriting planning, has specialized in applied psychology, focus on writing, keen on the study of psychoanalytic and emotional psychology, proverbs: everything learned, become a character, listen carefully and record every soul story around you.