After teaching my son to be the penultimate one, I realized that fruit picking education is the most poisonous "herbicide"
Author: Main creative group · Chenxi Wei
That day, my best friend's 5th grade son took the bottom of the exam.
But the child did nothing. After returning home, closing the door, grabbing the novel, and lying in bed, there were bursts of laughter from time to time.
The girlfriend was angry, rushed into the door, grabbed the novel, and tore it in half.
"You're already number one, are you ready to rot to the end?"
Seeing his son with his head lowered and silent, his girlfriend couldn't figure it out——
The son, a former eugenics representative, spoke at the flag-raising ceremony, properly "someone else's child."
How did you fall to this point now?
The thought of this question makes my girlfriend sleepless.
In the middle of the night, she sneaked into her son's bedroom and finally found the answer in his son's diary.
Every sentence in the diary is an indictment against her:
"Endless learning, not a single mistake is allowed!"
"I thought that if I got good grades, she would be satisfied, but the result was that if I got good grades, she thought I was better..."
"In third grade, I scored 98 points in mathematics, second in my class. But not only did she not praise me, but she criticized me in front of my neighbors: 15 minus 8 can be wrong, you could have scored 100 points! ”
The girlfriend then understood that the child's disgust with learning and rebellion were the result of his own sowing of evil.
Writer Hao Jingfang once said: Talented children should surpass their peers in the depth and thickness of life, if only to catch up with the progress, but rush through life, it is a pity.
In fact, every bit of greed of parents is like a thousand pounds of boulders, and eventually it will only make the child stop moving forward completely.
Greed for good, derived "fruit picking education"
In 2021, a 3-year-old child in Changsha, Hunan Province, was rushed to hospital.
He was bleeding from his lower body and was in an urgent condition.
It was his mother who hurt him.
In order to win at the starting line, this mother signed up for a large number of tutoring classes for her 3-year-old son -
Early education, English, art, balance bike, and piano.
Children hate these classes very much.
As soon as it was time for class, he yelled and cried and rolled all over the floor.
In a fit of anger, the mother slapped her son several times and raised her foot to kick her son.
But because he did not grasp the proportions, this kick happened to hit the child's lower body, causing the child's frenulum to bleed.
There is a lot more such news.
A "tiger father" in Nanjing, a Ph.D., forced his 5- and 7-year-old daughters to study advanced mathematics at university.
Once his daughter is lazy and resists, he punches and kicks the child.
A high school student in Sichuan Province failed to get into his parents' favorite university twice in the college entrance examination.
After being forced to repeat the school for the third time, the child suffered from schizophrenia due to great psychological pressure.
Recently, there is a hot word called "fruit picking education".
"Fruit picking education" refers to parents desperately increasing heavy learning tasks in order to get an ideal grade, ignoring the normal growth trajectory of their children.
Children who study in general are crammed into various tutoring classes and surrounded by exercises;
Children who excel in learning need to learn ahead of time and struggle with problems.
Seek excellence in the good, seek strength after the best.
But facts have proved that "fruit picking education" will only make children quickly consume their enthusiasm for learning and the desire to explore knowledge.
Orrison Madden, the father of American success, believed that "all good things and the perfect forms they can present to the learned, so that they can enjoy beauty in body and soul" is an education worthy of respect.
In other words, showing the beautiful and interesting side of knowledge and letting children take the initiative to get close to it and like it is the only way for children to gain long-term learning motivation.
Fruit picking education is the most toxic "herbicide"
The famous educator Khomlinsky once said: The greatest foolishness of parents is not understanding that learning is a kind of mental work, and the characteristic of mental work is that the worker must be in an "active state."
In other words, the key to children's learning well is to have the internal drive to learn.
It is a pity that parents who are anxious to pick fruits let their children taste the "bitterness" of learning early in order to quickly get a satisfactory report card.
In "Super Parent", the way a father educates his 10-year-old son is the epitome of many parents' education.
This 10-year-old child, Xiao Yun, is in the fifth grade, and he sleeps every morning, either because he doesn't wake up, or he doesn't want to go to school.
Whenever this happens, Dad rushes into the room with his fists clenched, lifts his quilt, and pulls him out of bed.
He went into hiding, scared and angry. He locked himself in the toilet and threatened his father: "If you force me again, I will jump off the building." ”
Why does Xiao Yun hate going to school so much, because this father's dictionary only has the word "study".
Dad was busy with work and the family could only sit together at dinner.
It should have been a warm scene for the family, but as soon as he picked up the chopsticks, Dad would ask, "Is your homework done today?" What did the teacher say today? What did you do today? ”
For these problems, Xiao Yun is very disgusted, in order to show resistance, he will choose silence most of the time.
Sometimes he would retort: "Why do you always ask such questions?" ”
Dad was righteous: "You are a student, I don't ask you to study, what do I ask you?" ”
What is suffocating is that Xiao Yun ate for less than 10 minutes, and the words "study" and "homework" popped out of his father's mouth no less than 20 times.
From his perspective, Dad only cares about learning.
In order to study, Dad blamed him, scolded him, and even threatened and beat him every day, and it was precisely because he had suffered enough of learning that he would become more and more evasive and disgusted with learning.
This is all the negative energy that learning brings him.
A child who cannot draw positive energy from learning and enjoy learning will never fall in love with learning.
Education that only revolves around results is the most toxic "herbicide".
Growing grass in the field affects the growth of crops.
Some farmers choose to use "herbicides" because they eliminate all weeds quickly.
Herbicides have significant effects, but at the same time, herbicides also have side effects: they destroy soil structure, reduce soil fertility, and ultimately affect food growth.
And parents who interfere excessively with their children's learning are not spraying "herbicides" that only seek immediate results.
Maybe it can achieve good results in the short term, but in the long run, it destroys children's curiosity and desire to explore knowledge.
The end result is that the child loses the internal drive to learn forever.
Improper "herbicide", only "good gardener"
The suspension of the "junior class" of Shanghai Jiaotong University, which has lasted for 15 years, is a warning to all parents.
In the book "Awakening Children's Internal Drive", the author talks about a real case.
Changzhou businessman has an only son in his family, and his family has high hopes for him, hoping that he will be admitted to the famous junior class of Shanghai Jiaotong University.
To achieve this goal, he asked a tutor to teach one-on-one, so that the child gave up all play and self-space and completed all the courses in high school in a short time.
In the end, the child successfully entered the junior class of Shanghai Jiaotong University.
The father was happy and felt that his son had a promising future.
But in fact, after entering the junior class, the child not only could not keep up with the progress of the course, but also eventually transferred to a local ordinary university due to many unqualified grades.
In fact, this is not an isolated case, but a common phenomenon in the original junior class.
Those children who enter the junior class through short-term intensive training not only do not show intelligence and enthusiasm beyond their peers after enrollment, but also lack stamina and have a strong resistance to learning.
Education expert Mei Shiying described the process of educating her two children, but it was a different scene.
When the children were young, Mei gave the children freedom.
She takes children to explore nature, encourages them to participate in sports, and allows them enough play time.
In this process, she actively discovers children's hobbies, finds their interests, and helps children build self-confidence through exploration again and again.
Children who grow up in freedom, respect, and exploration have a natural curiosity and thirst for knowledge.
They have clear learning goals, and show perseverance beyond ordinary people, and do not retreat and give up when encountering difficulties, but actively find a way.
In the end, both children were admitted to prestigious schools.
Good parents, not "herbicides", but "gardeners".
Good gardeners will wait.
In spring, they sow seeds, water; In summer, they fertilize and loosen the soil; When autumn comes, it will be harvested.
If you follow the four seasons of the plant, you can get a good harvest.
Good parents should do the same, giving their children enough space to explore, play, and splash outside of normal learning.
Take them to experience life, and gain self-confidence, curiosity and desire to explore while gaining happiness.
At the same time, they are allowed to go astray and make mistakes.
Don't be anxious when you see other children walking ahead.
Because this is not backwardness, but accumulating energy.
Just like bamboo shoots before breaking the ground, they quietly absorb nutrients until the time is ripe, and they quickly grow into a qualified bamboo with amazing explosiveness and growth rate.
Please believe that your child is also such a strong life force, but before he really breaks the ground, please give him enough patience and waiting.
One day, he will become the tall and tall bamboo tree in your mind, not afraid of wind and rain.