Don't get too rolled! What conditions are in the family, how to raise children

Author: Main Creative Group Fireworks March

Recently, my brother and sister-in-law had a big dispute over their child's kindergarten.

The sister-in-law believes that the two of them have a limited level of education and must not let the child lose at the starting line, so she insists on sending her son to the private kindergarten that is famous for all the words.

But the brother thinks that the tuition fee of 40,000 yuan a year is indeed a bit overwhelming for them, because their combined monthly salary is less than 10,000 yuan, and they have to repay a housing loan of more than 4,000 yuan and a car loan of 2,600 yuan, as well as the elderly and children.

The sister-in-law did not let go, saying that the loan was a big deal, but her son's high-quality education could not be delayed, which was a solid investment.

The brother and sister-in-law each have their own opinions, and no one can convince anyone, to the point that they cannot eat at the same table.

In fact, many parents and sisters-in-law have the same idea, "no matter how hard you can't suffer your children" has become a common knowledge of parents.

No parent does not want to give their children the best education and the most abundant upbringing, but this needs to be commensurate with the actual conditions of their own family.

Rich children, how long will it be rolled?

With the improvement of living standards, more and more parents regard "rich children" as the standard of a family, and do not measure their own conditions at all, and some are completely herd and anxious.

On the hot list, there is such a question:

"I earn 70,000 yuan a year, but my wife let my son go to kindergarten with 50,000 tuition fees, she said that the circle is very important, is the circle really that important?"

Afraid that her child would lose at the starting line, the mother insisted on sending her son to an expensive kindergarten, seeing this as a shortcut to enter the aristocratic circle, which was called "investment in the circle".

But this is far beyond the family's affordability, because her family's annual income is only 70,000, 30,000 mortgages have to be repaid, children's insurance is 7,000, and daily expenses and personal contacts.

In this way, they simply cannot support the tuition fee of 50,000 a year, which is a proper behavior of "beating the swollen face and filling up the fat".

But there are many similar things.

A mother bought 1299 yuan of shoes for her son, which triggered a family war.

Because her family is an ordinary family, the husband and wife have a monthly income of only 8,000 yuan, repay a mortgage of 3,000 yuan, raise a car for 2,000 yuan, and support two elderly people and raise two children.

This big family only lives on the remaining 3,000 yuan a month, and the mother buys 1,299 yuan of shoes without blinking in order to meet the child's requirements.

Her husband argued with her about this, but she still felt that "no one can be poor and children are poor, if you want to buy, buy the best!" ”

I don't know when parents in ordinary families began to work with their whole families to raise their children into rich second generations.

They compress living expenses just to sign up their children for a few more interest classes;

They cobble together and even borrow money just to satisfy their children's desires;

They are ordinary families, but they bite the bullet and cram their children into aristocratic schools.

We can't help but think: is it really worth it to enrich children at all costs without considering the reality?

Whether the child is a shredder or not, the parent is not a money printer.

Nowadays, rich children are becoming more and more rolled, and as a result, the parents' wallets are thinned, the family's living standards are lowered, and children are prone to lose themselves in the so-called "rich feeding".

It is difficult for children who are deformed and rich to become talents

I once watched a mediation program and was impressed by a family from a rural village in Qiqihar, Heilongjiang Province.

The 38-year-old man gnawed at home and drank heavily all day, breaking three ribs of his mother and asking his father to kneel for him!

The old couple did not have any power to parry, they could only sigh and cry silently.

How did such a rebel come about?

It turned out that the youngest son Xu Hejun had an accident when he was a child, almost died, and was finally rescued by doctors.

Since then, his parents have loved and cared for him in every way, and have never given him the slightest harshness.

As long as the younger son wants something, his parents try their best to satisfy him.

In the long run, Xu Hejun gradually developed an arrogant and domineering personality.

When his unreasonable demands were not met, he turned his fists and feet on his biological parents.

Parents are reluctant to eat or wear, and children raised by wealth do not know how to understand and thank their parents at all, and they also extend their violent hands and feet to their parents.

How pathetic!

However, no child is born a white-eyed wolf, and no child is born without knowing how to cherish his parents.

It is the education given by parents from an early age, which creates two completely different situations of "repaying kindness" and "asking for debt".

I remembered a news I saw on Weibo hot search.

The parents emptied their entire family savings in order to provide for their daughter to study in Spain.

In order to make his daughter live comfortably abroad, the father gives his daughter 11,000 yuan a month, leaving only 2,000 yuan as living expenses, and many times his three meals a day are steamed buns and pickles.

But the daughter still did not know how to be satisfied, disgusted that her father gave too little living expenses, and publicly insulted her father on the Internet.

When Dad cautiously asked her where she spent her money, the girl spoke coldly, thinking that Dad was deliberately looking for fault.

When Dad talked about her parents' life at home and tactfully expressed his hope that she would be more economical and independent, she didn't think about her parents at all and scolded directly.

Educator Makarenko said:

"Giving everything to the child, sacrificing everything, even sacrificing one's own happiness, is the most terrible gift a parent can give to a child."

It is abnormal and deformed and distorted for parents to give their children a hard head.

Children who grow up in this environment will not experience the difficulties of their parents, but will only ask for them from their parents, and they will not be able to stand on their own when they should be independent.

Even if such a child has a high level of education, he will not become a "person" with a capital letter.

The best family education, material hardship, spiritual wealth

1. Educate children with real life

I remembered that I was madly praised by netizens before, a twin family in Xuzhou Feng County.

The family was not wealthy, and the parents earned a small income from coolies to support the education of their two children.

However, the mother never hides the real situation at home, and will let the child go to her construction site during the holidays to experience it.

The brothers took their parents' hard work in their eyes, never let their parents worry about their studies, and were guaranteed to be sent to prestigious schools for doctoral studies.

During the summer vacation, they still go to the factory to help their mother, deliver scaffolding for their mother, and still look happy with sludge on their bodies.

They told reporters:

"Making money is secondary, mainly because of my mother, she is tired of bending for this family, and we can only experience my mother's hard work for many years on the construction site."

Wise parents know how to educate their children with real life and give their children a more intuitive feeling, which is much more useful than telling some big ideas.

However, some parents are still reluctant to tell their children the real family situation, but create an illusion of abundance for their children, and prepare everything that is delicious, useful, and fun for their children.

Therefore, the child does not know what the real life of his parents is like, and constantly squanders everything that his parents save from between his teeth.

2. Give your child high-quality companionship

I watched a TV show "Warm New Home" and was shocked by the approach of a pair of parents.

The family of three lives in a space of only 10 square meters, there is no toilet at home, and the wardrobe is a "luxury".

In order not to let too many clothes take up the only space, my mother only had 3 sets of clothes in one winter.

When the designer asked Mom if she wanted to design a larger wardrobe when remodeling the house, Mom said:

"I don't need to, and if space allows, I'd prefer to design a bookshelf."

Such a "Burrow", there is no TV, but there are 10,000 books.

Parents don't like to watch TV, don't like to play with mobile phones, but love to read.

They believe that the best company to give children is to read with them.

In the leisure time after tea and dinner, the family each holds a favorite book and reads quietly.

When they read the highlights, they also stop to exchange ideas and turn one idea into three.

Children gradually find the joy of reading under the infection of their parents, and reading has been carved into the life of this family, as natural as eating and sleeping.

Although their material life is poor, their spiritual world is very rich, so they never complain about life, but feel very happy.

Children's happiness and satisfaction come from the high-quality companionship of parents.

A child with a rich heart naturally values external things lightly, and will not be swayed by material things.

Former CCTV host Wang Xiaoqian said in his new book "Mom Knows What to Do":

"There are four levels of rich children, namely: willing to spend money for children, willing to spend time for children, willing to study for children, willing to be responsible for their own lives."

Being willing to spend money for children is the lowest level and the lowest level of wealth.

May we not whitewash or hide as parents, and show our real life in front of our children.

Because our children always have to live in reality, and if they are unprepared, they will be in the future.

Parents should also give their children high-level wealth, create a rich spiritual world for their children, and let their children have the courage to ride the wind and waves at any time.