Cocoon dwellers do not go out and do not socialize, how to guide them to come out? These recommendations also apply to depressed, bipolar patients

The number of words is approximate: 4876 words

Reading time: approx. 6 minutes

Sections of this article:

01. "Cocooned people" who do not go out and do not go to work

02. How can parents help their children get rid of the "cocoon" state?

03. By doing these 4 points, cocooned dwellers can also achieve self-help

01. "Cocooned people" who do not go out and do not go to work

Many adolescents with depression and bipolar disorder are at home after school, resisting resuming school, and even reluctant to leave the house, and parents are very anxious: If the child has been staying at home like this, isn't it wasted?

In reality, there is indeed a group of people who stay at home for months or even years, almost completely do not go out, and avoid real-life socialization, known as "cocooned people".

They are almost invisible in real life, but on Douban and Baidu Tieba they have special groups and communication spaces, and according to incomplete statistics, the number of people in the two groups has reached 900,000. Judging from the content they posted, in fact, many "cocoon people" are very eager to go out in their hearts.

Image from the Internet

Recently, the short video platform "One Piece" interviewed 4 "cocoon people" to understand their experiences and voices, and some of them "broke the cocoon" successful methods.

Although the "cocooned people" are different from patients who suffer from depression and bipolar disorder and leave school, both groups face a common problem: how to break the game? So, the experiences and related analysis of these four respondents are worth reading.

The first is called "CL", who lived in a cocoon for 8 years, occasionally going out to buy cigarettes. When CL was very young, his parents divorced, and he followed his mother, but his mother also had to work outside, and he lacked the love of his parents for a long time. In elementary school and junior high school, he was bullied at school many times, and his personality became timid and avoidant.

After graduating from college, CL worked two design jobs, but neither went well, and finally chose to quit. He later worked as a real estate agent and delivery boy, while his mother went to the United States.

After encountering various difficulties in life, CL chose to "squat at home", he relied on the thousands of yuan given by his family every month to survive, and lived with his 84-year-old grandfather every day with the computer. Before the interview, he had not spoken to anyone other than his family for three years.

CL would love to have a job, but worry that he won't be able to adapt to the rules of work; He longs to start a family and his children to no longer have to endure the trauma of their childhood. But until now, he is still alone, and although he has seen a psychologist, he thinks he can't help himself.

The second is called "Big Head", he has lived in a cocoon for 4 years, works as a side business at home, has a wife and 2 children.

The big head chose to live in a cocoon because of a setback at work, and he tried to change careers after being laid off, but he never found a job. Coupled with the rise of self-media, he began to write novels and copywriting at home, with a certain income.

Although he sounds like a "freelancer", the big head is actually very inferior in his heart, and even feels that he is ashamed and has no self-respect. When he was particularly uncomfortable, he went to the Douban "home squat" group to find people with similar experiences to himself, hoping to solve the problem. It is a pity that he found that many netizens spoke negatively and spit bitter water on each other, which can play a limited positive role.

Fortunately, although the family of the big head felt that this was inappropriate, they were very tolerant and often persuaded him, hoping that he would not drill into the horns. Now, the big head has come out a little bit psychologically, and is even willing to be interviewed, but because of his work at home and income, he still has no plans to really go out.

The third is Xiaoxin, unlike the above two examples, after living in a cocoon for 2 years, she slowly plucked up the courage to come out.

Xiaoxin has studied hard since he was a child according to the expectations of his family, but in fact, he lacks the idea of his own independence. She felt that she had a diploma but no hard power, and she avoided looking for a job after graduating from graduate school. The longer the gap period, the more frightened she becomes, the more she can't go out, and gradually she derails from society, she has almost no social interaction, and her daily life is to constantly brush the net at home.

Xiaoxin has analyzed her problems, she believes that she has been belittled by her family since she was a child and has social anxiety disorder. She felt that she could not get out on her own. She decided to see a psychiatrist and counselor to face up to her problems.

Xiaoxin followed the advice of psychologists and combined his own interests to simplify the problem. She chose the field of post-editing and began to enroll in classes, and it was offline. At first, she was nervous and scared to see strangers in class, but when someone actually talked to her, she found that it was not that difficult.

Xiaoxin learned the knowledge of editing well, and also participated in internships, restored his confidence in himself, and had a certain plan for the future.

The fourth is Kui Hua, a graduate student from 211 University who has worked in sales for a Fortune 500 company in China and looks promising.

But Kui Hua has a flattering personality, does not get along well with colleagues, and still has the same problem after changing jobs. Finally, he returned to his hometown in the county seat, where he did not socialize, and every day accompanied him reading, brushing his mobile phone, and reviewing his experiences from childhood to adulthood.

He realized that his native family atmosphere was not good, his father was often physically violent and coldly violent towards him, his mother never defended him, and he lacked the encouragement and affirmation of his parents since he was a child. This is also an important reason for the formation of his inferior, sensitive, and flattering personality.

Kui Hua wanted to save himself, he bought a lot of psychology books and learned them himself. In order to physically distance himself from his native family, he forced himself to buy a train ticket to leave his hometown, and then tried to start as a delivery boy.

After Kui Hua "squatted", he was pleasantly surprised to find that many people gave him kindness. He also asked himself to do things well, without being overly sensitive and worried. He also started interviewing for jobs in educational institutions, prepared very, very well before the interview, and finally, the interviewer was really impressed by him and he started a new life.

02. How can parents help their children get rid of the "cocoon" state?

Some people may want to ask: Is "cocooning" a mental disorder?

Strictly speaking, simple "cocooning" behavior is not a mental and psychological disorder. As for whether people living in cocoons have mental and psychological disorders, this is also a case-by-case judgment.

Nowadays, the takeaway and online shopping industries are developed, and even if the "cocoon family" stays at home, the basic living needs can still be met. Some "cocoons" can also work at home, have a certain income, and establish a certain connection with the outside world through the Internet to obtain spiritual satisfaction and even happiness. This part of the "cocoon people" not only has no mental and psychological disorders, but may even be mentally healthier than many people who go out to work and school every day.

However, there are still very few such "cocoons". More "cocooned dwellers" avoid the world because they have mild to moderate social anxiety disorder, which can reach the level of social phobia.

If some "cocoons" also have emotional symptoms, or even psychotic symptoms, they can also be diagnosed as depression, bipolar disorder, and even schizophrenia according to the specific situation.

But even so, we should not regard this part of the "cocooned people" as patients. This tends to increase their psychological pressure, which will make them feel ridiculed and discriminated against, resulting in a strong sense of shame and making it more difficult to come out.

Image from the Internet

However, if some "cocoons" realize that they have certain mental and psychological problems, I hope they will not avoid it all the time and do not need to feel ashamed.

According to authoritative epidemiological data, the prevalence of mental disorders in mainland China is 17.5%, that is, on average, one in 5 to 6 people is suffering from mental disorders. This means that everyone's relatives and friends are likely to have patients with mental disorders, and many people have already developed mental and psychological symptoms, but have not been seen and have not been formally diagnosed.

From a certain point of view, mental disorders are only a "label" attached to a single discipline of psychiatry, we do not have to care too much, it is more important to understand the psychological root cause behind the problem and find the corresponding solution.

Therefore, not all "cocoons" need to seek help from a psychiatrist or counselor/psychotherapist. Many "cocooned people" just press the pause button for their job search and hard work after suffering superimposed psychological trauma, stop and rest for a while, readjust and heal themselves.

If some "cocoons" are seriously ill, especially when there are strong suicidal thoughts and behaviors, or psychotic symptoms such as hallucinations and delusions, family members should still take them to medical treatment in time to avoid tragedies.

However, if parents find that their children have been "cocooned" for a long time, always depressed, lack motivation and happiness, what measures can be taken to help children adjust their mentality faster and go out? The following suggestions are provided based on the experience of clinical psychological intervention.

First, parents should realize that their children must have suffered superimposed psychological trauma, and it is because of the constant frustration and scarred heart that the child escapes reality and socializes and squats at home to seek security.

Parents should actively look for what superimposed psychological trauma their children have suffered, such as whether parents often criticized and belittled their children before? Is it too demanding and strict for children? Has the child been bullied in school?

In addition to the original family and school, children may also suffer related psychological trauma on the Internet, the workplace and society, and parents should communicate with their children in depth and understand carefully.

Second, parents should understand and tolerate their children and avoid causing them new psychological trauma.

Many parents see their children staying at home all day and can't help but accuse them of "not doing their job", "staying at home all day, people are wasted", "what is the use of me raising you, I know to gnaw the old at home" ...

These words can cause great psychological damage to the child, make the parent-child relationship deteriorate rapidly, and the problem is likely to worsen. Children stay at home originally want to relieve stress, but they are constantly accused by their parents, they feel that the home is also full of pressure, and when they dare not go out, they are likely to have a major depressive episode and choose suicide!

Parents should have a time mindset and realize that life is a long-distance run, and children's "stagnation" is temporary. If parents can make good use of their children's cocoons in the past few years, completely solve the psychological root causes behind the problem, and repair family relationships, it is likely that the children will return to the normal life track in a better state, and even achieve corner overtaking.

Otherwise, even if the child is forced to go out by his parents, because the psychological root problem has not been solved, they are likely to continue to suffer from superimposed psychological trauma, choose to cocoon again, and it will be more difficult to go out.

Third, parents should not pin their hopes on psychiatrists or counselors/psychotherapists, and it is best to learn "self-family therapy".

Many children live in cocoons at home, they have no financial income, and they can only live under the same roof with their parents. Parents should not let their children feel painful and depressed, but should deeply self-reflect, change and improve, create a warm and loving family atmosphere, and make their children feel relaxed and happy at home.

This can largely heal the superimposed psychological trauma unintentionally caused by parents in the past, and can also repair the trauma that the child has suffered outside to a certain extent.

Fourth, after the child's mood and parent-child relationship have improved significantly, parents will guide the child to go out of the house and contact with the real world.

Children have been out of touch with real society for too long, it takes a lot of courage for them to go out, and parents should encourage their children more. When the child does not want to, parents do not force it. Parents can start with small changes, such as taking their children for a walk in a park with few people, shopping at the convenience store downstairs, and so on.

If the child is willing to go out, parents should see the positive change in the child and give the child timely and concrete affirmation, which helps to form a virtuous circle, give the child more confidence and courage, and ultimately be more likely to go out.

When the child gradually gets out of the squat, parents can also guide the child to carry out life planning, find goals that are interested, have social value and economic return, and parents should also provide support and help behind them.

In fact, from another perspective, the experience of children's cocoons can prompt wise parents to deeply self-reflect, change and improve, so that the whole family atmosphere can be improved, and the relationship between parents and children is more harmonious, which is also a bad thing to become a good thing.

03. By doing these 4 points, cocooned dwellers can also achieve self-help

Some cocoon dwellers have become adults, or even young and middle-aged, and it is difficult for them to get help from their parents, so how to achieve self-help?

First, it is recommended to position the experience of "cocooning" as the lowest point in life, since it is already the lowest point, as long as changes are made, it is often upward.

Last week we shared the inspirational story of Lin Bao, a rural girl who dropped out of junior high school and was forced to marry a coal miner 10 years older than herself, and suffered domestic violence many times after marriage, the worst of which lay for half a month. This period was simply the darkest moment of her life.

Limbo decided to change and bought a train ticket to flee to the city. She worked hard, kept studying, and became a truck driver to become a financially independent woman. The most difficult moments of her life have given her a fearless spirit and dare to take all the difficulties she encounters as challenges.

Therefore, when we find a way to get out of the "cocoon", our ability to withstand pressure and the adverse quotient (AQ) will increase, and many difficulties in the subsequent life will no longer be terrible.

Image from the Internet

Second, cocoon living is a rare experience that is not disturbed by outsiders, and in the process of being alone, we must learn to be rational and deeply review our life experiences.

We can seriously analyze, why do I cocoon myself? What trauma have I suffered? What are our own deficiencies that need to be improved?

From a certain perspective, "cocooning" is like a software repair process. Software bugs need time to repair and maintain, our hearts are traumatized, and naturally it takes time to repair and recover.

When we analyze, we must also achieve "comprehensive attribution", not to blame the external and others for the responsibility encountered, but also to see our own shortcomings and objective factors, and try to exert subjective initiative to solve them.

Third, when trying to go out, don't look at the masters and lows, you can start from the basics, and every time you see your own progress, you must learn to affirm yourself.

Just like Xiaoxin and Kui Hua above, they will simplify the difficulty and start with the simplest breakthrough. Kui Hua decided to start with food delivery, which is a good attempt, the difficulty is relatively low, it is not easy to suffer too many setbacks, and the working hours are more flexible.

In addition to food delivery, catering industry waiters, couriers, etc. can also be considered. These jobs are characterized by the fact that they mainly require physical strength, but they can free the brain, and there is not so much time to think about it and fall into mental internal friction. When we get home at night, the fatigue of the day has already made us feel tired, and it is likely that we will fall asleep as soon as we lie in bed, which is also conducive to improving the quality of sleep.

After gaining a certain amount of income and confidence through a simple job, we look for other ways out.

Fourth, when we come out successfully, we must continue to learn and improve our cognitive level.

Because of the "cocoon residence", we have been trapped in our own small world for a long time, our cognition has been limited, and we may not understand the human feelings and the world. Now after coming out, in the process of dealing with others, we must seize the opportunity to continue to learn, enrich social experience, and master interpersonal skills.

In addition, we can also actively understand the development trend of society, try to seize opportunities, and realize the value of life. I am an interdisciplinary practitioner myself, and I often encourage people around me to have interdisciplinary awareness and ability, combine knowledge from multiple disciplines, and make it easier to innovate and ultimately stand out.

Finally, it is hoped that the so-called "cocoon" is only a process in life, not a result. If the "cocoon people" are dissatisfied with the status quo, then take action, try to change the status quo, break the cocoon that binds them little by little, and re-enter the vast world.