Today's few stories to give us an idea of the impact of restrictive beliefs on people!
There is a behaviorist named Konrad Lorenz. He used to study duck behavior. He found that the newborn duck saw something moving, and he would take it as his mother and follow it. Konrad even discovered that newborn ducklings would even think of rolling ping-pong balls as mother ducks! The duckling's brain forms a restrictive belief at the moment of birth.
In India, elephants are a tool used to carry goods. When the elephants were not needing to work, the workers could lock the eight-thousand-pound elephant firmly aside with a small magic rope. It does not struggle, does not shout, but only obediently stands still. Why is that?
In fact, the magic is not on the rope, but in the elephant's brain. When the elephant was still young, the workers who trained the elephant would use a very thick lock to trap the baby elephant, which was such a long period of inhumane training that the baby elephant created a belief from an early age: I cannot escape. This belief is so deeply imprinted in its brain that even when it grows up, even if it can easily tear the rope, it will not try to do it.
Once upon a time, a white mother took her three-year-old white child on a tour, and the TAXI driver was a black uncle, and the white child asked his mother curiously, "Mommy, why is this uncle so dark?" The black uncle listened to the chrysanthemum and tightened. The white mother replied to her child: "Son, because God thinks that only white people on the earth are too monotonous, so he created black humans to make the earth more colorful." The child was pleased and said, "It's so much fun, I like Uncle Black." When he arrived at his destination, the black uncle refused to charge for the taxi, and the white mother said why, and he replied: "If my mother had taught me the same way as you did when I was a child, I don't think I would have been driving a taxi all my life." My mother said to me, son, we black people have been inferior since birth, if you can find a stable job in the future, don't be too ambitious. After saying that, the black uncle burst into tears.
This is called restrictive belief, guys, what do you say to your children?
Each of us, growing up, more or less has these tight curses that entangle us. Like that elephant, many restrictive beliefs have been unconsciously influencing his life.
The three most typical include:
I won't succeed
There is a certain type of parent who is a picky type of parent. No matter what the child does, their "psychic focus" is always on what is not done well enough. Under the influence of the accumulation of time, his "subconscious" will believe that my efforts are worthless.
Many people work very hard, but there are often many negative emotions such as worry, fear, and worry when they are at the door. As a result, things often don't go well and even fail.
Some people don't even dare to imagine that they will succeed and blindly stand still, because of this deep belief.
Some parents may even deny the survival value of their children. For example: You may have heard a class speak with something like this:
"It's better to have a piece of char siu than to give birth to you!"
"You're really useless! I knew I should have killed you when you were born!"
"We don't live well, and we shouldn't have to give birth to you to increase the burden."
Such words are more lethal than "I will not succeed." These children will have doubts about life, completely unable to feel the love of their parents, and even less able to feel the value of their own existence.
People who share this belief usually live quite painfully, they are often afraid of becoming a burden on others, and they often have a feeling of self-blame. If he is lucky enough to find a relationship, he will completely entrust his life to the other person.
I have no value
Many people are often hindered by difficulties, or things are always not going well. Some people will think that they are not smart enough for others, and they are deceived by this belief.
In fact, these parents are teaching their children not to think, not to be creative, and to do as he says.
As a result, the child develops the habit of not using his brain. Over time, they believed that there was no way to solve the problem.
I can't help it
Many people are often hindered by difficulties, or things are always not going well. Some people will think that they are not smart enough for others, and they are deceived by this belief.
Every child is very smart and often comes up with very creative answers to problems. But this creative process of thinking is not encouraged and approved by parents.
Some so-called jack-of-all-trade parents often teach their children that they should do what they say, and everything will be resolved naturally.
In fact, these parents are teaching their children not to think, not to be creative.
As a result, the child develops the habit of not using his brain. Over time, they believed that there was no way to solve the problem.
Next, I would like to share with you three of the most lethal restrictive beliefs. Before I share it, let's tell you a story.
First story:
Some scientists who study animal behavior have done an experiment in which they put wolfhounds in some iron cages to feed them, and then they use electricity to hit these wolfhounds, and under normal circumstances, these wolfhounds can jump a meter and eight meters high. Therefore, these wolfhounds can easily jump out of the cage when they are shocked.
Next, they did a second experiment, this time, to starve the wolfhounds for two or three days, and then to hit them with electricity. This time, these wolfhounds were able to jump higher when they were both hungry and electrocuted, and this time they could jump over cages two meters high.
The scientists did a third experiment, and this time they fed the wolfhounds, but the difference was that this time the height of the cage was raised to two meters eight, and they still used electricity to hit the wolfhounds. These poor dogs, they desperately want to jump outside the cage, but the cage is too high, no matter how hard they try, they can't jump out. But despite this, they tried to keep jumping up until they lay motionless in their cages, their mouths whimpering.
However, the trial is not over. The scientists waited until the dogs had eaten and rested for a few days and then continued to electrocute them in the same way, and the dogs still jumped up and down like last time, but they failed. This experiment was done for the eighth time, and by this time, when the poor dogs were subjected to electric shocks, they would only whine, and they would no longer jump.
Next, the scientists did a more interesting experiment, they lowered the height of these cages to a height of one meter and eight meters, and continued to use electricity to hit the dogs, and the dogs now did not try to jump out of the cages at all except to continue: whining and whining.
What did the scientists learn from this experiment? That is hopelessness. When these dogs could not get out of the cage no matter how hard they tried, they had no hope, so they stopped trying anything simple.
Many friends see this story and may feel very cruel! But I want to tell you that stories like this play out in our families every day. Many parents have great hopes for their children, and when their children do not meet their parents' expectations, they often use the most criticism or accusation.
When these criticisms continue, children, like these dogs, slowly learn a thing: that is, hopelessness. Because no matter how hard I tried, I could not always meet the requirements of my parents, no matter how hard I tried, I could not always get the satisfaction of my parents, and slowly they began to feel hopeless, so they stopped trying, they began to learn to give up, they began to break the can. So many parents began to say: Our children are not saved. In fact, they don't know that it is these scientists who have single-handedly trained these children who make them feel that they have not been saved.
This is the first, most lethal, restrictive belief we're going to talk about: there's no hope. Won't work out!
Second story:
In a nursing home, some scientists have done another experiment, but this time it is a human experiment, and they divide the old people in this nursing home into two groups, but these old people themselves do not know. They gave the old people in the first group a pot of flowers and plants each, and told the old people that they could take care of the flowers and plants in their own way, and then the old people were very happy to bring the flowers and plants back to their rooms.
Next, they also distributed a pot of flowers and plants to the elderly in the second group, but they told the old people in this group that although they owned the flowers and plants, they could not water, fertilize and prune themselves, and could only be done by the staff in the nursing home. Therefore, these old people were also very happy to lead these flowers and plants back.
The old people in the first group, they saw that the flowers and grass leaves were yellow, they helped them prune, and fertilized these flowers and grasses, these flowers and grasses grew very well, these old people are also very happy, and their health is getting better and better.
In another group of cases, these scientists told the staff of these nursing homes to deliberately water these flowers and plants more, or some of them did not water at all, the leaves were yellow and deliberately did not cut, these old people saw these flowers and grasses become yellow day by day, and then slowly die.
Six months later, the scientists compared the two groups of elderly people. The old people in the first group were in much better physical health than in the second group, and the mortality rate of the elderly in the second group was three times that of the first group.
What did the old people in the second group learn in this story? That's helplessness. This means that when we are capable of it, but are not allowed to use our own ability to solve some things, we will feel helpless. That's what we often say, when we have the ability to have no control, we have a strong sense of helplessness.
This is the second most lethal restrictive belief we're going to share today: helplessness.
Similarly, many friends will feel that these experiments are too cruel after reading the above story. However, this cruel story plays out every day in our lives. Many parents like to use their status as parents to ask their children, this is not allowed to do, that is not allowed to play, is not allowed to have a girlfriend or help their children to do what they are capable of doing.
Example: The child will get dressed and continue to help the child get dressed.
When the child is five or six years old, he still feeds himself.
Children are not allowed to go to school alone.
Children are not allowed to make friends on their own.
Children are not allowed to choose interest classes that interest them.
Then they began to find that their children became silent day by day, and the children's aura disappeared day by day, so they began to wonder: Why did my child become like this? They don't know that these children are just the product of their experiments, and they have single-handedly directed these experiments without knowing it.
This is not only played out in children, but also in the elderly. The traditional Chinese way of filial piety to the elderly is to let the elderly idle when they are old, and do nothing to let them do, which is called old-age care. In fact, these children are telling the elderly to leave this world quickly in this way. Because when the old people don't have to do anything, they don't need it, they lose control of life, so they are like the old people in the above experiment, slowly...
The third story: the most lethal restrictive beliefs.
There was a mother, one day with her little daughter out shopping, the daughter is only three years old, when walking through the ice cream sales shop, the daughter pulled her mother and said: "Mother I want ice cream, I want ice cream." So, the mother bought an ice cream for her daughter, and the younger daughter was very happy to eat it while walking.
When walking through a toy store, the daughter saw a very beautiful little doll, so the daughter said to her mother, "Mom, Mom, I want to buy that little doll, I want that little doll." The mother did not want to buy it for her daughter, so she said to her daughter: "Obedient, that is too much money, the mother does not have so much money, can not afford to buy today, let's buy it next time?" Although the daughter was reluctant, she still muttered a small mouth and followed her mother.
Next, the mother took her daughter to a fashion store, the mother saw a beautiful dress at a glance, so the mother quickly bought it, and took the little daughter to the house...
The story ends here, but the influence of the mother on the daughter in the story is far from over...
What kind of impact does a mother have on her daughter???
Generally speaking, children's logical analysis skills have not yet matured before the age of six or seven, so they will not conclude that their mother is lying, and it is because they will not make the conclusion that their mother is lying, so they become terrible. As we said earlier, children are born to love their parents, so they will accept whatever their parents say. But when parents' words and actions are inconsistent, they begin to become contradictory, and this contradiction is carried out on a subconscious level, because they will think that what their mother said and did is right, that I am not right, that I have a problem. Moreover, the mother did not buy it for me, bought it for herself, which means that the mother is more important than me, the mother is important to me, the mother is important to me, I am not important means that I am worthless, so the daughter will learn the most lethal belief: no value, no qualifications. She couldn't think of it, it was the subconscious that gave her the feeling, so she couldn't say it.
For example, many children nowadays do not live with their parents, and children who have not lived with their parents since childhood are prone to the belief that their parents do not want them.
Many adults will show some situations: sometimes we feel that a person is very good in a certain aspect, but when people push him out to do what he is usually very good at, he shows a very strong feeling of not daring to be.
Example: There is a female friend, other people feel that her external conditions are very good in all aspects, married to a man, this man is good at everything is to love to beat women, and, as if it is a festival, every once in a while will beat this female friend, so this female friend has a very hard time. Her friend advised her: "Alas, you have such good conditions, you can simply separate." Who knows she said, "Oh, what's the solution, maybe my fate is destined to be like this!" When I used to study, the boyfriend I was dating liked to hit people, who knows, now marrying a man is like this, maybe it's really my fate! ”
This friend is a typical friend who I am not qualified to enjoy a happy and beautiful married life, and there will be many similar situations.
For example, in many companies, the chairman of the conference room can usually only sit the boss, and every time there is a meeting, the position in the middle above must be the boss sitting. Once there was a meeting, the boss traveled abroad, and everyone knew that the boss was not in the company, but no one went to sit in that position.
This is also a very common phenomenon in the company, which is a restrictive belief involving identity. If there are friends in the group who are counselors, they should encounter the most such consultations.
Regarding the formation of the last restrictive belief, there is another situation that needs to be reminded: parents can also cause inconsistent positions when educating their children.
Example: Daddy beating, mom protecting, mom scolding, daddy care, etc., will also cause.
----------------------------
What is NLP?
NLP It is translated as "mind-body language programming", which is not very easy to understand, is it? In short, NLP is to start from cracking the language and thinking patterns of successful people, originally decoding their thinking patterns, discovering the laws behind human thoughts, emotions and behaviors, and reducing them to a set of programs that can be copied and imitated.
NLP is a magical new science that can subtly modify and optimize the old beliefs and behavior patterns we form as we grow up. Broaden our thinking and horizons!
Dealing with restrictive beliefs is only a small part of the knowledge of NLP, which is widely used in business management, mentality, attitude, personality, emotions, quality, skills, interpersonal relationships, parent-child education and other areas of personal growth and family, and many other fields.