Text/Ying Mama, pay attention to learn more wonderful!
After school last Friday, Yingbao brought her classmate Lele to play at home. At first, the two children had a lot of fun, not long after Lele took a fancy to a pendant that Yingbao had just bought, this pendant Yingbao liked very much, Lele had been begging after seeing it, hoping to give it to her, Yingbao was not happy at first, but because of Lele's request plus a variety of delicious sweets "promise" (because it was rarely allowed to eat at home), Yingbao finally gave it to her.
After Lele left in the evening, she had no intention of telling me that her pendant was gone, and gave it to Lele, I only knew the reason, seeing that her tone was a little unhappy, I asked her if she actually did not want to send it, she nodded.
I suddenly felt that maybe I had reminded her to share more and talk too much, which caused her to become unsure of how to refuse, although at first she also refused, but she did not know how to resist the repeated requests of others.
Children don't know how to reject others, has your baby ever encountered the same situation?
Obviously, I like it very much, or the only thing, but due to repeated requests from others, I finally gave it to others with my own heart.
In order to please others and continue to be friends with others, you can only lend your most beloved things to others.
Fear of losing friends, facing other people's requests will basically agree...
There are always such children around, and there are often private messages from parents.
There is one word that can accurately describe this type of person, and that is "good old man". Because I don't want to offend others, I am embarrassed to refuse the requests of others, I always ignore my own needs, and I have a kind face towards everyone, in fact, I am bent in my heart. The subconscious mind is afraid of hurting the feelings between the two parties.
Traditional Chinese culture has always promoted the virtue of humility, and many post-70s and post-80s generations have also grown up under the educational concept of helpfulness, courtesy and humility of their parents.
"Big to make small", "to share", "to be helpful"...
As a result, many children do not know how to defend themselves from an early age and will not reject others. Especially some girls, because girls themselves are more easily persuaded, soft-hearted, in the long run, form a timid and cowardly personality, in some cases do not know how to protect their own interests, in the feelings are more vulnerable.
Why don't children know how to reject others?
Those who are embarrassed to say "no" are actually mostly kind-hearted, do not want to hurt others, and always think about others. When things happen, I always like to think from the perspective of others, and I would rather be wronged myself, but also leave the convenience to others, and finally leave myself to suffer losses and regrets.
I'm embarrassed to say "no", but it is also a manifestation of lack of self-awareness.
Survey studies have shown that a person's ability to refuse is closely related to self-confidence.
People who lack self-confidence often feel trepidation because they reject others, and thus value the needs of others more.
Overemphasizing the needs of others and ignoring your own needs. In fact, blindly giving in and satisfying others may not be able to gain sincere respect, and it will also make others worse.
Children are always embarrassed to reject others, and the last to suffer losses is still themselves, and once the character is developed, it will affect the child's life.
Today's society is more and more concerned about the "law of the jungle", as an era of pluralistic values and concepts, it is not advisable to blindly teach children to share and be humble.
The child is also a self-aware individual, and as he grows older, he can also distinguish between right and wrong and have his own ideas. So we just need to teach the child the right ideas and make him follow his heart.
First, let children learn to distinguish between reasonable requirements and unreasonable requirements
Today, the mainstream of school education is still to promote sharing, friendliness and humility; caring for others is a good thing and desirable, but it is necessary to distinguish whether the demands of others are reasonable or unreasonable.
If the other party's request is reasonable, and you feel very happy to help him, then at this time, you must bravely extend your hands to help others, and if the other person's request is unreasonable, you must learn to refuse reasonably.
If you help others and feel unhappy, then you are actually adding to your own troubles.
Second, cultivate children's confident character
If your child is not confident enough, you can help your child analyze his own strengths and weaknesses. Don't ignore your strengths and build confidence in yourself.
Let your child realize that saying "no" will not put you in a social disadvantage, because your opinion will gain more respect.
Let the child understand that he is an independent person, everyone is equal, and when he encounters unreasonable requests, he can bravely refuse.
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I am Ying Mom, a child mother, family education instructor, parenting master, scientific parenting practitioner, multi-platform invited quality creators, focus on parenting dry goods and children's early education psychological knowledge sharing, happy text, happy sharing, I handwritten my heart, like to remember to pay attention to forward Oh!