How can I speak comfortably?

The degree to which you speak comfortably determines the breadth of your life stage and the height you can reach. Even if it is not for ambition, not for success, make people comfortable, can make you feel happy and happy, let your people around you also feel happy and happy!

How do you talk?

1. Change all the "wrong" you said to "right".

I have a friend who likes to say "no" the most, no matter what others say, he first says "no", "no", "no", "no", but his next words are not to overthrow others, just to add. He's just used to saying "no" and everyone hates him. Who likes to be denied?

I interviewed a particularly knowledgeable professor, and I found that he had a wonderful little habit of saying something stupid, and he would say very sincerely, "Yes," seriously point out the points where your words could be established, and then extend them to tell him what he said. He is such a good person, affirming the stupid you, you must be flattered. And he raises your opinion to such a great height that you find yourself and him so good. Since then, I have learned this, first affirm the other party, and then talk about my own opinions, the communication atmosphere will be much better.

2. When you say "thank you", you can add "you", or add the other person's name.

What is the difference between "thank you" and "thank you"? "Thank you" refers to a general term, while "thank you" refers specifically, which is more heartfelt. To strangers, you say "thank you", and for people you know, adding each other's name will be much friendlier. A lot. A lot.

3. When asking others for help, add "Okay" at the end of the sentence.

Don't speak in a commanding tone, add the word "okay", it becomes a deliberative tone, and the other party will feel more respected. A friend is the president of a listed company, and every time he asks me to do something, he will add "can you", "are you convenient", "is it good" - especially for people who are lower than their own status in the secular sense, with a deliberative tone, it seems that you are more educated.

4, when chatting, use less "I", say more "you".

Cai Kangyong said that when chatting, everyone is a yuan. Everyone just wants to talk about themselves. You talk about your own experience, or your opinion of something, and then add "what about you", "what do you think", throw the topic to the other party, let the other party have the space and power to express, you will become a lot more cute.

5, more use of "we", "we", can quickly close the relationship.

For example, meeting with someone you just met, rather than asking "where will we meet tomorrow" and replacing it with "where will we meet tomorrow", it is just a detail change, it seems more intimate, right.

6, when praising others, do not go through space, but praise the details specifically.

"You are so beautiful", "you are so smart", "you are so good" These are ordinary praises, and more advanced praises are how beautiful, how smart, and how good the other party is. For example, knowing a girl who is in particularly good shape, and she has heard others praise her for being in good shape, and someone praised her for "the waist-to-hip ratio of Chinese girls is not very good, only you are an exception", she was most impressed, and then she married each other. And often people praise me, Mimon you wrote a good book Oh, your writing is too good, honestly I will be treated as a kind of courtesy, but if the other party said which article I wrote particularly well, which paragraph he particularly liked, I will be particularly moved, it turns out that he really likes my text.

7) Praise other people's little-known virtues, and praise the parts they expect to be praised.

Beautiful people all want you to praise him for his connotation, entrepreneurs want you to praise him for having humanistic feelings, and talented women want you to praise her beauty, and what is missing is made up. , I can't help but be mean again, what about the high emotional intelligence of the good? But if he is really superficial, really a profiteer, really ugly, and can't boast with a clear conscience, it's not high emotional intelligence, it's hypocrisy.

8, use the way of ridicule to praise others.

Honestly, sometimes I think blunt compliments are pretty fleshy, so it's better to use the comic mode to boast. For example, if you want to praise a person who is particularly good, you can say "Your legs are shorter and your waist is thicker, you will die, hate, stay away from me." For example, if you want to praise a beautiful woman who is particularly talented, you can say, "According to international practice, beautiful people are stupid, you are so good-looking and so smart, this is a foul, no, this is a crime!"

9, say bad things about the other party in person, and say good things about him behind his back.

High emotional intelligence does not mean not complaining. Friends can't spit on each other, so what's the point? However, please spit on the other party in person and say good things about him behind his back! A former colleague of mine, a big beauty, before I thought she was very cold, once I overheard someone saying bad things about me, she defended me, I was so touched. Instantly, my good feelings for her doubled.

10) You can laugh at your friend, but you can't laugh at what he likes, especially not his idol.

If you have star-chasing friends, be sure to remember this one. You can say that she chases the stars and has a brain cripple, but you can never say that she chases the stars and brains. The two girls around me are good girlfriends who have known each other for more than ten years, saying that each other is as important as family. One of them was a brain fan of Wu Yanzu, and the other accidentally said "Wu Yanzu is really old, full of folds", and the friendship ended on the spot. In the same way, when you want to be friends with a star-chasing person and praise her idol, not only to praise her idol handsome, but also to praise her good character, good fans, good acting skills, and talent, this is the fastest way to establish friendship.

11, the first time you meet, you must try to remember other people's names.

Many years ago, when I first entered the newspaper, a thorough di si reporter, once interviewed Liang Wendao, he asked my name. After more than a year, the second time we met, he called my name as soon as he came, which was so touching. Many people say, I just can't remember other people's names. In fact, you can't remember, you think this matter is not so important. If you really realize it's important enough, you'll definitely remember it.

12, no matter how fierce the tearing, no matter how angry you are, you can't say anything that really hurts the other party's self-esteem.

Yes, it is easy to talk angrily when arguing, but one of the big manifestations of high emotional intelligence is not to talk angrily. The more familiar people are, the more they know the other party's death pit, and the angry words they say are not only destructive, but also destructive. Don't hurt the other person with impunity because you know him well.

13, true disposition is to let you tell the truth, not to let you say ugly things.

You can complain that your friend is fat, but you can't say she's "fat like a pig." Ridicule and insults are two different things. Humor and lip service are two different things. Bluntness and importance are two different things.

14, see through, but do not point out, leave a little leeway for others.

If you find that the other party has said the wrong thing or lied, don't expose it to your face. Others carry cottage bags to show off, there is no need to poke in the face. In fact, buying a fake bag is already very bitter, buying a fake bag to show off as a real bag, more bitter. When a person is not strong enough, she tries to prove herself with a brand name, and when she becomes stronger and confident, she will understand.

15. In social situations, consider the feelings of minorities.

If there are 10 of you at a party, even if 9 of you are fellow countrymen, you had better not speak dialects, especially when your dialect is not understood by others, and the other person will be very embarrassed. If you have 10 people, even if 9 of them are colleagues or classmates, and the other is not, you don't just talk about your company or your class, the other person will be very, very lonely. Take care of the minority, talk about topics he can also participate in, and let him not be isolated.

16, if you must show off, please add your troubles to neutralize.

"The Unspoken Rules of The British" specifically talk about this one, if you want to show off your success, you must be accompanied by a trouble to resolve the embarrassment that your success brings to others, while preventing jealousy. If you must say I bought a bag of 30,000 yuan, please add just back out of the door, friends asked me this cottage bag is quite like ah, A goods, ah, get one or two thousand pieces of it; if you must say my family bought a big villa, please add I this turtle waxed the stairs, just moved in and fell a dog to eat...

17. Replace "Do you understand what I mean?" with "Did I make it clear?"

"Do you see what I mean?" "Do you understand what I'm saying?" What seems normal is actually inappropriate, because it will have a hint: Stupid to make you understand? Can you get to my point? If you change it to "Did I make it clear", then it is not an accusation, but a self-blame. Meaning, if I don't make it clear, I can repeat it again, isn't it much more polite?

18, the little indecency in the heart will be more pleasing.

I don't think that people with high emotional intelligence are all Holy Fathers of the Blessed Virgin Mary, and must be selfless. But if you have selfish intentions, you may wish to say it directly. If there are two apples, one small and one large. If you want to eat the big one, there are two ways, directly give the small one to others, the big one to yourself, the other party will feel that you are really selfish; if you say directly, "I want to give the big one to you, but I am reluctant to give it, can you not give it", you are also selfish, but you are selfish and very cute.

19, in a funny way to laugh at themselves, become their own high-end black.

A roommate in college said that a lot of times she hated me, but one thing she found particularly cute was that I liked to laugh at myself. Every time I laughed at myself, she would like me again. Self-blackening requires inner strength, cheekiness, and a sense of humor. Every time I tell my own troubles into paragraphs, I live myself as a joke. Yang Mi had been blackened so much before, and when she began to blacken herself, how many people turned black to powder her.

20 One of the ways to comfort others is to say something tragic about you and let him heal.

When others are sad, the only way to cure is to know that you are not the worst. For example, a fan told me that her boyfriend split his leg, the key is that when she knew about it, he had been splitting his leg for two years, everyone around knew, only she didn't know, she thought about committing suicide... I replied that my ex had been splitting legs for five years, how did I know? His leg-splitting partner at that time had lived with him for more than a year, and came to me, saying that he really couldn't stand it, and had never seen such a stupid woman as me. I was confused, to question the ex-boyfriend, he did not do two, directly told me, just fell in love with me soon, he began to split legs, we were in a long-distance relationship for five years, he split legs for five years, all his friends know, I still stupidly always thought he was good to me. Fans listened and felt much better.

21 Don't talk endlessly about your pain, pain is not the same.

A person with high emotional intelligence will try to understand and perceive the suffering of others to the maximum, he will have empathy, and at the same time, he will not ask others to do the same. Therefore, he will not talk endlessly when he encounters problems, and he will not transmit negative energy to others.

22 Don't say, "I told you long ago," "I knew it would be like this."

We have reminded each other of many things, the other party will still do, frustrated, suffered, deceived, we can't help but say, "I said it a long time ago"...

One year during the Spring Festival, I had to go to Macau to play, Luo said that there were a lot of people, I didn't listen, and sure enough, there were many people, we passed the customs queue, queued for more than 5 hours; I had to get my own pass, he said I was easy to lose three or four, it was better to give it to him, I was biased, as a result, I lost the pass, so that we couldn't find a place to live, sat at McDonald's for one night... Every decision I made that time was wrong and led to the worst outcome, but instead of saying "I said it a long time ago," he accompanied me to solve the problem. I am very, very grateful to him for that. Since then, I have never said this again.

23, when chatting, if the other party is interrupted, ask: What are you going to say just now?

Sometimes even we accidentally interrupt each other, apologize at the same time, remember to remind each other, just now you mentioned is... Let the other person feel that what he says is respected.

24, don't want to win every conversation, you win the reason, you may lose feelings.

Especially for your family, for your good friends, you should not be so competitive, okay? I often see some people arguing about whether the brine eggs are delicious or tea eggs are delicious, is it necessary? In addition to the big right and wrong, give the victory to the other side.

25, if you talk about eating, you must remember what the other party likes to eat.

As a foodie, I am naturally sensitive to eating, and I pay close attention to who loves what, so that the next time you eat together, you can order each other's favorite dishes. A lot of good relationships come from this kind of small detail.

26 When sharing glory, mention others.

I remember that some people praised Hu Ge, saying that he sincerely told the crew that when filming, everyone suffered together, but it was often only the actors who were praised, and he felt very guilty. This is the manifestation of high emotional intelligence. In life, you are praised, you have gained benefits, you have to share experiences, and these times do not forget to mention the people who are helpful to this matter.

27 When taking responsibility, mention yourself.

I hate people who shirk responsibility the most, so much so that I have developed a habit of finding my own problems first and examining myself first. So when something went wrong, my first thought was to admit my mistakes.

28, do not be angry, Hu Shi said, anger is a kind of disfigurement.

Hu Shi is a representative of high emotional intelligence, and almost no one has seen him angry. Learn to manage your emotions, take a deep breath for 10 seconds when you're angry, give yourself a buffer, and think," is this so serious that it can only be solved by going crazy?" Is there a better way to deal with it?

29, reject others, you can first blame yourself.

For example, many people ask me for a manuscript, I will say, "I have a very poor character, I am a super procrastinator, often let go of pigeons, my most responsible way for you, is not to accept this manuscript, really, please understand." Others have to say, "Okay, then there will be a chance to cooperate again."

30, when seeking cooperation, do not always say what you want, but say what you can give to each other.

Often people come to me, Mimon, and I want to work with you on a project, and then he starts saying what he needs, what he wants to achieve, and if I get involved, his goal or wish is achieved. He forgot a little, you are neither my father nor my mother, why should I come to fulfill your dreams? When looking for a job, many people always say, how much I need this job, you should say more about what you can bring to this company, this position, and give the other party a reason to choose you.

31, even for the most familiar and kind people, please remain respectful and patient.

Many people are polite to strangers, but extremely impatient with family, partners or friends, and often turn their faces. Because the other party will not be angry. Why not leave your gentleness and thoughtfulness, your joy and beauty to the person who loves you the most?

A lot of people say that they don't like people with high emotional intelligence, they're hypocritical. But I think that the real high emotional intelligence is not hypocrisy, but warmth.

The essence of the above 31 techniques is to let us respect other people's views, look for others' strengths, perceive the needs of others, and put others in our hearts. Think about the people around you who have the highest emotional intelligence, they are very generous and sincere. They truly love the world, truly appreciate other human beings, and truly discover the beauty of all things. They know compassion, they know understanding, they know empathy. If we say that the essence of morality is to have others in mind.

The essence of high emotional intelligence is the same, it is to have others in mind.

The degree of comfort you speak can determine the height you can reach. Even if it is not for ambition, not for success, high emotional intelligence, can make yourself feel happy and happy, let your people around you also feel happy and happy, why not be happy?