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Seventy-six years ago, Harvard University conducted the longest adult development research program in human history. 268 men, selected and followed, from adolescence to old age, explored the keys to success in life. This is known as "The GrantStudy." The study got its name from the original patron, philanthropist William T. Grant.
After 76 years of research, the factors that can ultimately have a positive impact on people and help people to succeed and happiness are the following: they do not drink or smoke, exercise enough, maintain a healthy weight, be loved in childhood, have high empathy, and can establish intimate relationships in their youth.
The published data is even more unexpected:
People who are close to their mothers earn an average of $87,000 a year. People who love siblings earn an average of $51,000 a year. The 58 people who scored the highest on "intimacy" earned an average of $243,000 a year. The 31 people with the lowest scores did not earn an average annual salary of more than $102,000.
It can be seen that people who can get love and have the ability to love are more likely to become winners in life. This is the bowl of chicken soup for the soul that Harvard has spent 76 years boiling for everyone — love can make life more successful.
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Doesn't that seem quite disappointing? But George Vaillant, a psychologist who led the study for 32 years, said that love, warmth and intimacy directly affect a person's "coping mechanism." In particular, childhood can feel the love from parents, which is a positive help to cope with problems in adulthood.
A person who lives in love, in the face of setbacks, he may choose to make a joke about himself, exercise with friends to sweat and vent, accept the comfort and encouragement of his family... These "coping methods" can help a person quickly enter a virtuous circle of health and excitement.
On the contrary, a person who "lacks love" often does not get help when he encounters setbacks and needs to heal his wounds alone, while common "self-healing methods" such as alcohol and smoking will easily open another negative cycle.
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Therefore, while parents pay attention to their children's physical health, do they also have to give children some psychological support? The love of parents is the food for children to maintain their children's mental health, so that children can feel love and help them grow better. Every parent loves their children, but how do we need to express this love?
Express love in words
Parent-child communication is very important. Through language, convey their love to children, "Mom loves you", "Daddy cares about you", "You are really Mommy and Daddy's little baby"... Don't skimp on your words, and don't be shy. Although these words sound empty and ordinary, children will still be happy to hear them, and they can fully understand their status.
The timing of the conversation is also important. Mom and Dad are best able to go home for dinner every day, dinner is the best time to communicate, and talk about daily life with peace of mind. After dinner, don't be busy with each other, relax, sit together and eat fruit, chat for 5-10 minutes, and let the child introduce his or her day's campus life or hobbies.
During the chat process, parents should focus on encouragement and affirmation, and give guidance to values in a timely manner. Insisting on doing so not only strengthens the communication between family members, but also better understands the child's life, and it is also a good exercise for the child's language expression ability.
Lots of praise and affirmation
Praise and affirmation should not be stingy. If the child behaves well, praise him generously! "You're awesome", "I'm so proud of you", "You're amazing". The look of approval and the look of affirmation are the best rewards for children, and they are very helpful for children to build self-confidence. After establishing self-confidence, children will do better and better and have the initiative to do things.
When children encounter setbacks, they should also encourage their children more, "It's okay", "You can do it", "Come on, don't be discouraged"... Tell your child that when he encounters failures and mistakes, you will be by his side, protect him, support him, help him find lessons from failure, summarize experience, and find strategies and methods to overcome failure.
Learn to caress
Physical contact will give the child a strong psychological comfort and strength. As a parent, you must give your child full caresses. Here I will teach you a little, which is also a very commonly used point.
That is to hug and caress the child.
The center of human emotions and emotions is in the back, and the back is the closest place in the skin to the central nervous system of the brain, and it is the part of the spine that connects to the brain. When your child is in difficulty or in a bad mood, remember to take him into your arms, from top to bottom (for sure), and stroke your child's back. Such caressing will bring more security to the child, let the child's emotions calm down faster, and at the same time help the child to better achieve the development of touch, everyone should make good use of this action.
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Loving and being loved is a key ability to win life. Children who feel loved have stronger mental abilities. I hope that moms and dads can express their love generously and correctly.
Children surrounded by love can convey love in the crowd, exert their greater energy, and achieve greater achievements. Let's be generous and tell our children that he is a child surrounded by love!
"Life is so short that we don't have time to argue with each other, to apologize, to vent, to blame, and there's only enough time to love.
—Mark Twain