Almost no one said that they would be willing to live alone in their lives, not to fall in love, and not to get married. Even if someone doesn't want to get married, they still don't refuse to fall in love. Because no one wants to endure the loneliness of a person all the time, they all want to find the person they want and live happily with each other.
However, as long as two people are together, it is impossible to have only happiness, any relationship, whether it is a husband and wife relationship, or a lover relationship, will gradually move from the beginning of the beautiful, gradually to the flat, after the bland, it is easy to contradict, you feel that the other party is not as good as you think, the other party also feels that you have some problems that you cannot accept.
In short, any relationship has a process from only looking at the advantages to only looking at the shortcomings, through this process, the relationship between the two people basically becomes stable, and the rest of the day, even if there is a small quarrel, can not create any impact on the feelings.
In fact, the reason why two people will quarrel and blame each other is nothing more than because what they want in their hearts cannot be obtained from each other.
What should you do when faced with this situation?
Zhou Fan wrote in the book "When You Start to Love Yourself, the Whole World Will Love You": "If your partner's heart is not mature enough, many things can not meet your expectations, the last thing you should do is to blame the other party." Because change requires strength, blame in addition to making the other party feel angry and guilty is a deep sense of powerlessness, once the sense of powerlessness appears, the power of self-change is completely lost. ”
We think that blame will make the other party reflect, will make the other party realize their mistakes, so as to actively change themselves, but in fact, they are completely wrong, blame not only can not bring about change, but also make it more difficult to change this thing.
So, when your significant other doesn't meet your expectations, blame really doesn't work, you can back the other person in turn.
Maybe you don't understand, obviously he did wrong, why do you still want your support, the more you support, is he more inching forward, the more he does not put you in the eyes?
So, please calm down and think about it, you have blamed the other party so many times, is it useful?
If blame is useless, why not try another method?
So, in addition to blaming, you have a better option, which is to support the other person.
Of course, many people do not know how to support each other, in this regard, Zhou Fan said in the book "When you start to love yourself, the whole world will love you": "The best way to support each other is to make up for what is missing." The other party's sense of self-worth is low, lack of self-confidence, more appreciation, affirmation, gratitude; the other party lacks security, just express 'how much I need you' and 'how important you are to me'; the other party lacks strength and courage, just give the other party a little more space and patience, encouragement and seeing..."
Don't support the other party in the way you think, for example, the other party obviously does not have self-confidence, you not only do not help him build self-confidence, but also keep saying that he should be confident, this is not a kind of support, but a disguised rebuke.
In fact, we may often overlook one thing, that is, no one does not want to make themselves better, no one does not want to be in a harmonious relationship, but because they can't find a way and feel very powerless, they can only maintain the status quo.
Therefore, as the person closest to the other party, you can support the other party in the way the other party needs, so that he can really become mature.
Of course, to be fully supportive of the other party, it must also take a process, at the beginning you may be very confident, but you may do what you have in mind will have an idea, especially when your support does not work in a short period of time, you will begin to doubt whether this method is effective.
In addition, you will encounter another problem, in the book "When you start to love yourself, the whole world will come to love you" mentioned that in the process of support, the biggest challenge is to overcome the inner "what is I" voice, many people will be stuck in the "why do I want to do this, why can't he do it".
In a relationship, many people are not willing to be the first person to start, such as first start to be good to each other, first begin to forgive each other, first begin to understand each other, first begin to tolerate each other, and so on. They always feel that why they start first, why can't the other party start first.
But have you ever wondered what the relationship between the two of you would eventually look like if both of you thought so.
Since two people have decided to walk together, they should not worry so much, who is good at what to do, then do more, do not need to be too calculated. There are always some things that are easier for you to do, and there are always some things that are easier for the other party to do, if you all want to let the other party start first, then the relationship will not be able to continue.
Of course, Zhou Fan gave a more convincing reason in the book "When You Start to Love Yourself, the Whole World Will Love You", that is, "No, just by what happens in your life, whether it is sweet or strife and pain, the last thing to bear is yourself." So you're not doing it for someone else, you're doing it for yourself. ”
You know, you and your other half are a community of destiny, the relationship between the two of you has become better, and the benefits are not only each other, but also yourself. If the other party can be more mature, it is not only the other party who benefits, but also you.
Therefore, for your own sake, you should also try to do this, and since this method is useful, you should try it.
Of course, Zhou Fan also said that if you have no willingness to give nourishment and support to the person next to you, then you have another choice is to leave the relationship.
But is leaving really a good option? What if you still have the same problem in your next relationship? Continue to leave?
Zhou Fan said that if you become habitually choosing to leave in the face of this situation, then it is inevitable that you will finally experience a deep sense of disappointment and loneliness.
When we have a problem with the other half, blame is not a good choice, leaving is not, if you are not willing to do it in this person, are you willing to change the next person?
Of course, the premise is that the other party is a worthy person, did not do something excessive, if you did something that hurt you deeply, then it is another matter.
To sum up: when the other half does not meet your expectations, in addition to leaving, you have a better option, that is, to support the other party.
Zhou Fan's "When You Start To Love Yourself, the Whole World Will Love You" is to tell us that the reason why we live badly, why we are in a bad relationship, why there are all kinds of problems, in fact, in the end, it is because we don't love ourselves enough.
Because I don't love myself enough, because I don't have love in my heart, I can't live my life well, and I can't love the people around me better. If you're a truly confident and self-loving person, then you can balance in a relationship without over-relying on each other or obsessing over the feeling of being flattered. You can also help your significant other become a better person.
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