The popular TV series "The World of Man" ushered in the grand finale, and the trivial daily life of the Zhou family and the waves of fate came to an end.
The fate of small people accompanies the torrent of the times, which can always make people lament the impermanence of the world. The joys and sorrows of the little people, along with the story, can always let people see themselves in the play.
Many people are most impressed by the Zhou family's "old knot" Zhou Bingkun, as the family's "most unproductive" young son, the first half of his life has been playing out inferiority and transcendence.
Born in an ordinary worker family, his brother and sister are good young people who respond to the call of the state and go to the mountains and go to the countryside, but Zhou Bingkun can only stay by his mother's side and live an ordinary life in the soy sauce factory.
(Source: iQIYI Video)
From a young age, he knew that although he was born and raised by a father and a mother, he was far inferior to his brothers and sisters.
But whenever he didn't feel good about himself, his mother would gently encourage him next to him:
This is called each has its own strengths, you are filial piety, stronger than both of them, mom is out now, that face is always bright.
His father also told him when he was self-denying and felt that he could not do it:
From this point of view, among the three children, Bingkun you are the best.
That kind of eager and affirmative look is really very healing.
It not only warmed the inferior Bingkun, but also healed the countless "stupid children" in front of the screen.
Although Zhou Bingkun is not as good as his brother and sister, he has always been diligent and enthusiastic, full of positive hope for life, and conscientiously managed his own little life.
The youngest children in the family will face the inferiority complex of their brothers and sisters who are older than themselves and have achieved fame and success first, and Zhou Bingkun is no exception.
But at that time, the strength that supported him to go on was the encouragement and recognition of his parents, so that he felt from the inside out that we were working in different fields, and others were good and I was not bad.
But all the changes occurred during a reunion Spring Festival.
My father, who rarely went out to visit the New Year, took his three children to visit the neighbors' houses that year.
Neighbors praised the Zhou family for producing two college students who were admitted to Peking University, envying that his brother was married to the daughter of the provincial governor and his sister was married to a famous poet.
Under the light of his brother and sister, Bingkun felt that he was almost like a nest waste.
Under such a disparity, Zhou Bingkun's inner inferiority complex was aroused again.
What is even more frightening is that at the train station where he sent his father away, his father said the most heartfelt sentence in a hurry:
Even if there is no family affair that bothers you, will you be able to get into college, and which time are you not counting down?
Although the father recognized the young son in his heart, because of this quarrel, the father and son did not say a word for several years.
From then on, Zhou Bingkun fell into obsession, and he resigned from the soy sauce factory to start a business.
He is responsible for managing the restaurants and bookstores under the publishing house, and the business is booming, and he earns more money alone than his brothers and sisters combined.
However, he did not see his own ability, and only wanted to earn a stable career for the publisher. He believes that the career in the eyes of his father is a proof of success.
He thought that he would dare to write a letter to his father after he got the iron rice bowl, but he still felt that he was not satisfied with his father and did not dare to contact his father.
Finally, on the night of his father's retirement and return to his hometown, the father and son solved the gap. Father said, isn't what I said true, your brother and sister are very good!
Zhou Bingkun cried and shouted: Should the facts be said? Have you ever thought that a child born to a father and mother is the most uncomfortable for me!
Both father and son quarreled almost in a broken position until the father uttered the words:
You are the most satisfying of our three children.
Zhou Bingkun finally let go, in fact, he always wanted to write a letter to his father, but he just wanted to wait for the achievements to be made and let his father recognize him.
It was also after that night of reconciliation that Zhou Bingkun finally surpassed his inferiority, embraced his life, and found his true value.
When many people see this scene, they are extremely distressed, just like seeing their relationship with their parents.
How many people like Zhou Bingkun hope to get a parental approval.
We tried our best to make a result, but in the eyes of our parents we saw the hint that "you are still not satisfied with me".
I myself understand this.
The year before yesterday I published my first book, and the whole circle of friends applauded me and was proud of me. But my parents never mentioned it to me once, let alone recognition and encouragement.
I should have enjoyed the highlights of my life, but I felt inferior, always felt that I was not good enough, and felt that my writing was not good.
Many people don't understand me, so many people approve of you, why are you obsessed with your parents' opinions?
Because the opinion of our parents means our attitude towards ourselves.
There is a word in psychology called "mirror reflection", which means that the attitude of parents is like a mirror, and we have to judge whether we are good enough from this mirror.
If our parents are constantly negative and indifferent, we feel that we have done something wrong. If parents are constantly active in encouraging, we feel great.
Psychologist William James once said:
The deepest need of human nature is to desire the appreciation of others, which is what distinguishes human beings from animals.
Others often refer to parents.
Our parents' attitude towards us will be internalized into our attitude toward ourselves.
Children who do not have parental approval have always had a "negative villain" living in their hearts, reminding you that you cannot be satisfied.
Maybe we are not as lucky as Zhou Bingkun, who can have a mother who actively encourages herself and can reconcile with her father.
Maybe we will not get the words of our parents" from our parents for the rest of our lives.
If we can never wait, what should we do?
01
Go back in time to your parents' past
From the standpoint of our parents, we may be able to understand, according to the situation in which they are located, according to the education they have received, according to the background of their times, we may be able to understand their true thoughts.
The night Zhou Bingkun reconciled with his father, his father said his own embarrassment: My two children are so good, don't they need my praise, my only mistake is just not to consider your feelings.
Parents are a generation that has never been praised, and it is naturally difficult for them to say praise for their children.
02
Be your own parent
The reason why we are obsessed with parental approval is because we internalize our parents' evaluations, and in the final analysis, we dare not recognize ourselves.
When we realize this, we can try to recognize ourselves and be our own parents.
Talk to the inner "negation villain" and tell him, "What you say is not right, I am slowly discovering my own strengths, and I like myself more and more."
As it is said in "Silent Confessions":
How many people spend their whole lives to get rid of the expectations of others and find their true selves.
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