There will be a strange and common phenomenon in life, that is, the more you worry about what will happen, and the more people who lack love, the less they will get love and attention.
Why is it that the more people who lack love, the less they will not get love?
Why is it that the more people who lack love, the less they will not get love? Because of this kind of person, he seems to be very desperate to find love, grasp love, but in his bones he does not believe that he will be lucky, does not believe that he will be loved, there is a word in psychology called "learned helplessness".
This deep-rooted feeling of helplessness, even if it grows up, even if there are many people around it, will still be constantly tempted because of worry, and the result will be the same as expected.
The more you care, the more you wander, the more you tempt, the more you increase the rift in the relationship and the burden on the other party, which will form a vicious circle, and when you can't get the positive comfort and patience of hope in the process of temptation, you will panic and angry with a wrong or even extremely not beautiful way to deal with this feeling of making yourself unhappy.
In this way, not only will you not get the love you want, but you will also make the other party feel depressed or even disgusted and choose to flee from betrayal.
After all, everyone has their own wounds and regrets, and they all want to live comfortably and find their own harbor, but when the other party asks for love like a child, they will feel a sense of oppression.
People who lack love in their hearts are prone to inferiority, but they may also be presented in a conceited state
Once a male client, he repeated 5 failed relationships, each time sincerely, but without exception ended in a breakup. He longs to be loved, but because he never got the right way to love as a child, and he doesn't have a warm family, he doesn't know how to express love or what it is to be right and intimate.
He is obviously very worried about losing his lover, but the words become indifferent, obviously caring, but sometimes it becomes ironic ridicule and that self-righteous humor and handsomeness, obviously feel that his girlfriend is very good, but in the communication is always a domineering attitude, but also always in their own way to degrade each other, not as good as their own ability, his many relationships seem to form a dead cycle, it is difficult to maintain for a long time.
The biggest problem with people who lack love is that in addition to inappropriate behavior, there are more extreme mentalities. The person who is homogeneous with inferiority and arrogance may stem from his inner feeling of helplessness.
Why do people have low self-esteem?
As summarized in the book "Psychological Self-Healing", there are 4 reasons behind it:
Physiological defects
People are very easy, due to their appearance, body, appearance, and other practical language behavior disorders lead to inner inferiority.
Early childhood experience
Children who grow up in the sound of blame are most likely to become inferior, dare not take responsibility, dare not accept strange things, and are afraid to hesitate.
Conceptual errors
People's abilities have their strengths and weaknesses, and when individuals find out one of their weaknesses, the concept will produce a sense of inferiority.
Weakened self-concept and negative self-evaluation
Feelings of inferiority are the product of negative self-suggestion, but also a form of self-denial, inability to identify with one's own psychological manifestations.
People who lack love in their hearts must understand and find the root cause
People who lack love in their hearts should not detect or grasp the love of those around them, but understand the root cause of their inner lack of love, and most people are related to their original families.
It may be that they cannot get the love and approval of their parents when they are young, it may be that their parents themselves are very tired in their own lives or their feelings are not harmonious, and they have no time to take care of their children's feelings, or it may be that their parents have been caring for their own growth in the way they think they love, but no one understands their hearts.
Related to childhood experiences, if you want to live well in this moment, you need to reshape your character and create your own new world.
Find the root of your lack of love and face it squarely, life may be changed, and your heart can be redeemed.
To sum up, the core salient features of the lack of lovers in the heart:
1. People who lack love in their hearts often stem from the growth experience of childhood and the influence of the original family, and their inner cognition of relationships and intimate mode habits are not healthy enough, so they are eager to get attention on the one hand, and often feel unpopular.
2, the lack of love in the heart of people lack of security, and the personality is extremely sensitive, the people and things around them will also be over-interpreted to produce worry, because of the lack of love, so worry about their own is not good enough, because of the lack of love, not good at rejecting the request of others, afraid of losing each other's recognition and love because they are not good enough or inappropriate words and deeds.
3, the heart of the lack of love, the whole life is longing to be loved, but always seem to feel in the depths of the heart that they will not be loved. Therefore, there will be various temptations to test their importance and determine whether they are loved, but this way will push the people around them far.
Therefore, people who lack love in their hearts must not rush to find a lover, or find a life-saving straw, but first understand why they are so lacking in love and insecurity.
The wrong way to cope is to rely on, rely on family, rely on lovers, try to make the people around you do their own crutches and dependence, and the more wrong way is to use pseudo-strength to protect their fragile and vulnerable hearts.
Love needs ability, being loved also needs capital, only when you are strong first, you can have the strength to face life, you can change your life, you can really get love.
END
Text/Relief Emotional Station
(Author: Xiao Yu, psychological counselor, focusing on the emotional field), good at the restoration of romantic relationships, marital contradictions and differences, and the healing of psychological trauma caused by the original ecological family. The lonely journey of life, listening to your grievances and pressures, helping visitors improve their skills in getting along with the sexes, saving their lovers, managing their feelings, and striving to become happier people.