This week, I ran to Beijing for business again, and every time I traveled, there would be more fragments and gaps "on the road".
It is not convenient to type and write articles, there is no WeChat that needs to be replied to immediately (in fact, it is needed, that is, I am lazy to delay), and suddenly remembered that the tree holes that everyone wrote to me last year, and some did not have time to see...
Unexpectedly, after opening it, I saw several letters of "middle-aged mothers" in a row. I don't really know you in these letters, but I can "empathize" with the anxiety, annoyance, and exhaustion between the lines.
Maybe because the same woman, the same mother, the same person to middle age.
In life, I am not good at explaining others, but I am willing to share some of my own experiences, not to seek "useful", but to be inspired and some comforting.
1
What others see as "standard education"
And the "low education" in their own eyes
From @Crystal Key
I have been living to meet the "standards", this year is 36 years old, the year of life, and all the decisions to look back on life seem to be wrong.
According to the "standard", I graduated from 211 University, afraid of not being able to find a job, I followed the tide of school recruitment into the bank, as a teller, as a wealth manager, only to find out that it was a sale of wealth management products.
During this period, I also wanted to change, but I went all the way along the "standard" - blind date, marriage and children. After marriage, I learned that the person's diploma was bought.
In seven years, they slowly became emotionally distant, divorced in May this year, and the children followed their father.
Feeling unconfident in life, he resigned, left the original establishment, and came to a startup of forty or fifty people. The freshness of the beginning turns into anxiety, and the novelty becomes fear.
Afraid of dawn, I feel that life is meaningless..."
Hello Dear Crystal Key;
Seeing the word "standard" you wrote, I immediately substituted it, from childhood to adulthood, I was also the child who grew up according to the "standard", study well, every day upwards...
Because the college entrance examination is too stressful, but did not enter the "211", which also made me more "afraid", more "hard", when I graduated, I rushed into the top 500 foreign companies in the world, and "standardly" embarked on the road of global rotation of workplace upgrading.
If it weren't for The Premature Birth of Little D, my life would have been "standard" like this.
In your letter, you repeatedly used the word "fear", and I also "empathized", and every child who grew up according to the "standard" was constantly warned by the outside world: the standard road is the safest, and if you dare to take a step astray, you will encounter danger.
I didn't go astray, but the "danger" came anyway, and Little D's premature birth rewrote my standard life.
You didn't go astray either, but the "danger" still came, and the career and marriage you chose according to the "standard" did not ultimately guarantee that you would always be safe.
But you and I have overcome these "dangers," haven't we?
My child was born prematurely, I resigned, but it was not the end of the world, I accompanied Little D to fight monsters to upgrade this way, and met you again, becoming the big J of "Big J Little D";
You quit your job and divorced, but it's not the end of the world, you find your next job, bravely break the "dangerous" seal, choose a startup, and experience the freshness and novelty.
To this day, I have been writing public names for 6 years, which is also the 6th year of entrepreneurship, and I am still afraid; afraid that I am not good enough, but I have slowly learned to live in peace with "fear".
I began to realize that "danger" always happens, whether it is foreseeable or completely unexpected, whether we are afraid or not; but even if the danger does occur, it will not be the end of the world, and we can always break through.
My nickname, like your startup, is not the "safest place in the world" because the safest place in the world, in our own courage.
2
Someone else's "glamorous"
And their own "stagnation"
From @Xiaoxia
Hello Big J!
I've been following you for years and recommending you to my friends and family, who all love you.
You have done a good job in the workplace, parenting and family, and I think you, like us, will encounter difficulties in life, but you can quickly learn, reflect, and summarize to get answers.
I'm currently working full-time with kids, she's in kindergarten, and I hope to do a better job in the workplace in the future, but I'm not highly educated.
I used to work as a skin care counter salesman, trying to learn professional knowledge, patiently and sincerely introducing products for customers, but I felt that what I did was very ordinary and there was no breakthrough.
I wonder if I lack some of the necessary competencies in the workplace, and now that people have many channels to buy and buy, I think there will be fewer job opportunities such as counter sales.
So, I want to ask Big J how quickly you get an insight into the nature of a job in the workplace, and then how do you do it better step by step.
In this society now, what abilities do I need to not be eliminated by society?
I want to be a role model for my child, let her understand the value that women get at work, and hope to gain confidence, calmness, and pleasure in their work, so that they can have more choices in life.
Hello Xiaoxia:
You're right, like you, I will encounter many difficulties in work and life, and I have indeed been running into walls, learning, and then encountering walls, and learning again.
I think everyone's progress is achieved in this way.
The questions you ask are very specific, what kind of capabilities are needed in the workplace, how to dismantle the specific needs of a business, and what capabilities are needed in modern society to ensure that they are not eliminated.
I've shared some of these questions with you in previous tweets, and I've put links to a few articles at the end of the article in hopes of being helpful to you.
However, in addition to the specific methods, I would like to ask you a question in particular: Do you like the job of cosmetics sales?
Is there anything you "love"?
I have written countless articles to tell you that to help children find love, because love is the most powerful "ability" in the world, and truly loving a profession can surpass "low education" and break through "lack of ability".
For example, I was not a person who was good at writing, but when I wrote, I found that I really loved it, and this love took me to this day and pushed me forward.
Many people say that for adults, especially middle-aged people, "love" is a luxury, and I disagree with this statement.
The real luxury is "action" and "persistence", which is regardless of gender, age, ancient and modern, Chinese or foreign.
Come on, Xiaoxia!
3
Temporarily "no work"
and the "overtime that stops" forever
From @ the mother of two children who can't find an exit
I used to be relatively successful in the workplace, from the grassroots to the middle manager.
After giving birth to the eldest, I took the baby at home, and after a year, I wanted to go out to work and get pregnant with the second, and now the eldest is two and a half years old, and every day I take two babies alone, and every day I am on the verge of collapse.
I am 33 years old this year, and social recruitment over 35 years old is not considered.
Even if the two babies go to kindergarten afterwards, the daily pick-up is also a problem, and it is difficult to have a job to match the kindergarten pick-up time.
I feel that I can no longer return to the workplace, and I can't feel my worth.
I want to do English enlightenment mathematics enlightenment Chinese education for two babies to start all kinds of early education, I also bought a lot of online courses and picture books and so on.
But every day spent in the daily life of taking care of the baby, I feel that I have not done a good job of enlightenment, and I have not planned my time and life.
The two babies felt that neither of them was well accompanied.
It feels like life is a mess right now. The child is not well taken care of and is not enlightened. You can't make money yourself just spend money. Can't find the value of their own existence.
Hello second child mother who is looking for an exit;
From a professional to a stay-at-home mom, I have also gone through this process.
I can only spend money, I can't make money, I have also had.
What value do I really have? Of course, I have faced this kind of doubt.
It was only the situation of Little D at that time that forced me to wholeheartedly accompany her to fight monsters and upgrade, so tired that I didn't even have time to "doubt myself".
My value is to take her to 13 rehabilitation classes a week.
If you ask me at that time, where is the "exit" in the future, can I return to the workplace in the future? I certainly can't answer, and like you, I'm full of anxiety.
But my later experience was that life gave me a task and at the same time it sent an exit.
I began to write a public name in order to record and share the process of accompanying Little D and releasing my loneliness and pressure, and today, Little D has grown into a big girl, and the public name of Big J and Little D also has new value.
When I saw your letter today, I seriously recalled it and found that "my value" should be "I did it at this moment", not those "I can't do it".
At this moment, you take care of two children to live and eat, that is the value; first of all, we must affirm our own value, accept our own value, in order to be able to expand it.
If the life of two children has exhausted your full strength, then you don't need to force yourself to "give two children a better enlightenment education", just try your best.
Try it out, stop putting more pressure on yourself, but find channels and opportunities to release your stress.
Your value and export are in front of you, and you can see it if you want to.
From @Moo Mom
Overtime, tired to die, see the tree hole two words on the point in, has always been on the Internet only to see and do not say I even want to pour bitter water, I hope to see people do not mind, I am too sad.
I have to work overtime almost every day, usually ninety o'clock is the norm, two or three o'clock is also normal, and occasionally I have to stay up all night.
I didn't think anything of it before, after all, the whole industry is like this, but since I have a baby, I feel more and more desperate for work.
Every day when I come to work, I don't know what time I can go home, and I can never see my head.
The driver who took a taxi home at night knew: "You do XX, right?" Taxis at this point are all yours. ”
Sometimes I see others go home from work to play with their children, thinking that they go home every day and their children have slept, and most of the rare weekends are called to work overtime, and there is very little time to accompany their children.
Not only thinking about the children, but also being tired myself, sometimes thinking about having to go home in the middle of the night today, even the tears began to swirl in my eyes.
My husband advised me to resign and rest for a while, but what is the use, and then change a company, it is still this state.
After having children, the cost becomes larger, and then I want to change the industry and start again, and I can't even provide rent in Shanghai.
There is no time to learn some other skills to improve yourself, so I am tired and continue, and so on, and so on, there is no end.
Life is really difficult, I know that everyone's life is not easy, but I don't know why, I feel unbearable, very negative, I have to complain.
Sometimes I complain to my friends around me, and my friends have their own troubles, and everyone thinks it's harder for them, so I don't want to complain to others.
My husband is busier than me at home, and I don't want to put more pressure on him, it's nice to have a tree hole, thank you
Dear Moo Mom, Hello:
I'm so glad that the tree hole can make you complain bitterly.
There are many places to leave a message, and whenever you need it, you are welcome to come and complain to me.
I have too much say in overtime, in fact, because I started my own business, I should be regarded as "not really off work at all".
In the past two years, I obviously feel that my energy has deteriorated, and my body has pulled an alarm from time to time, and there is a problem - I am a person who is particularly afraid of death, and when I checked out my thyroid nodule last year, I sat in the same place and cried for two hours, thinking, if you don't dissolve the company, the public name will never be written again.
As a result, the next day, it was still time to write an article and write an article, and it was time to shoot a video and shoot a video.
Recently I found a very powerful old Chinese medicine doctor, so strong that I did not say anything, the pulse knows, I have a thyroid nodule; my appeal to the famous doctor is: can I continue to work overtime and stay up late, but also maintain energy, do not grow old too quickly.
The doctor looked at me and said, "Yes."
I said: Great, what medicine to take!
The doctor said: don't take medicine, just stay up less; if you have to stay up, then stay up for 5 minutes less every day, sleep 5 minutes more, and then strive to stay up for 10 minutes less and sleep for 10 minutes more; in this way, you will definitely be healthier than before, slower than before...
If you have to work overtime, then cherish this opportunity to add 5 minutes less, and use these 5 minutes to be better for yourself.
Don't bother with such precious time. No matter when, need to complain and complain, welcome to come to me to leave a message.
After reading thousands of messages from everyone's tree hole, I felt very deeply, I decided to let this tree hole open for a long time, want to find me to talk to, at any time scan the following two-dimensional code:
Big J nagged
I am a loyal user of its home, not only my own toothpaste mouthwash has been using its home, but also Small D's. That black pearl whitening toothpaste, as long as a friend asks me how my teeth are so white, in addition to the nursing method, toothpaste I definitely recommend this, haha.
Little D loves brushing his teeth because of his little strawberry flavor. But there is a saying, its daily price is quite expensive, so every time there is a big promotion, I am sure I will hoard, and I also recommend it to you by the way.
Yesterday's article "ScrewBa" character has made me miserable for a lifetime, my children can't do this anymore, I am ready to give the EverEden wash gift box that Little D has been using to this friend below.
The circle of friends of the community squad will share some of my daily life from time to time, as well as good things to share, and interested friends can also add it.
I feel inspired by the article
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