Last Friday, I shared my experience of calming the emotions of the collapsed and crying baby when I was with my friend Jova a few days ago in "Let the collapsed baby not cry immediately, I am really a hundred test larks ˇ0ˇ", and I also sorted out the 5-step fire extinguishing method.
Many friends are shouting practical, pro test effective! He also urged me to quickly sort out the review methods that passed by in order to better copy the homework.
Hey hey, I'm so happy, it seems that the #High Demand Baby Angel Cultivation # feature is very suitable for everyone's appetite!
No problem, as long as everyone is practical and easy to use, I will spare no effort! This did not take advantage of the weekend, I quickly sorted out my thoughts, summarized my experience, and talked to Man Man about his feelings. Today, I will sort out this "review strategy" for everyone.
What do you think? The activists are so hot.
To tell the truth, I am really proud to be able to raise a high-demand and difficult baby so smoothly. Although Man man is very rebellious and sensitive, he has a strong sense of self, but he is very sensible and especially "listens to me".
Sometimes even my family can't understand what magic I have cast on the baby, how can I make sense as soon as I say it, and it is easy for others to turn their faces?
People say that children are kissing their mothers. In fact, I know in my heart that things are not so simple at all, but also because I have a lot of killer skills in education.
And the skillful review, which is one of them, has played a very important role in educating and guiding the baby!
I dare say that without the review, my educational effect will be greatly reduced!
So, when I saw a lot of friends in the message area said that they may forget to review or sloppily after dealing with the child's emotions, there are friends who do not know how to do effective review with the child....
I really have to talk to everyone about this!
The review process is a technical task, which includes too much content, such as reasoning, such as soothing emotions, such as active listening, such as mutual understanding and expression of love. It really takes a lot of communication skills and empathy to get a child to accept our guidance and perspective.
After all, no one likes to be denied, bound, asked, and if you want to make the baby obedient, you can only hollow your mind.
I will not talk about the theory, directly summarize the five steps for everyone, follow the 1.2.3.4.5 to ensure that everyone can complete a warm and effective review.
Step 1: Soothe emotions and eliminate antagonisms
How to soothe emotions, in "Let the baby who collapsed and walked away immediately do not cry, I am really a hundred tests" in the appeasement of 5 steps, the first four steps are completed, the child's bad emotions will be almost cathartic, here will not repeat.
Let me add a few more points:
One is that the flow of emotions takes time.
It may not be immediate, the child is appeased to stop crying immediately, some children are more intense and full of emotions, or the ability to adjust the transfer is weak, it is necessary to wait for a while.
Don't worry, let the baby cry for a while until the grievances are all cathartic. Tu Fast is to drink to quench thirst, and after a while may have to erupt. I know it's hard, but a little more patience can be exchanged for a little more long-term peace and stability, and it's worth it!
The other is to control and adjust your emotions.
Not to collapse is only the foundation, more important is the attitude and position - when reviewing with the child, do not condescending orders, nor can you blame in a commanding manner, you can be serious and serious, but you must be calm and try to communicate equally, in order to play the greatest guiding role.
In addition, we should not put the child in opposition to ourselves, but let the child feel that we and him are in the trenches, so that he can accept the review. Otherwise, the child will not want to talk directly, and the ineffective communication will make the words of education unable to listen to a word.
Therefore, the review time is best to choose this matter that everyone has passed, there is no mood swing and then proceed, do not review for the sake of review. Fair respect and love can open the child's heart.
Step 2: Review the whole thing and guide empathy
Once the attitude is set, we are about to start reviewing.
Try to use objective, non-emotional language to describe what just happened, the cause, the process, the development, the result are all said again, and everyone is brought back to the scene just now.
The point is, as with the process of appeasement, we must empathize with the child! First, tell the child's heart, thoughts and feelings: how the child is doing, what he may be thinking, and what his mood is at that time.
At this time, we must only say the objective situation, do not make criticism, no matter what is right or wrong. We have only one purpose, to make children feel seen, accepted, and understood. Making sure that we are safe and loved, the child protects herself from letting go of resistance and confrontation.
Tip: Instead of starting with the word "you", use sentences that begin with "I think/feel/want/guess you" to avoid how you behave like accusations and confrontations.
But empathy is never one-sided, and in the context of the review, we and the child are equal and respectful of each other, and the child also needs to understand our feelings.
But children, they have not evolved to this extent, so we have to confess our thoughts and feelings to the child, angry, angry, offended, sad, these can be frankly told to the child.
Don't think that revealing your heart will make the child feel that we are weak, on the contrary, showing the weak part to the child is showing sincerity and trust.
Skills: Don't dry say how sad I am, how angry I am, how emotional, children are difficult to understand the connection, it is best to put the child's behavior in front, what he does and says what sentences make me feel and think, and visualize the emotions concretely.
For example, I will tell Manman that when you shout loudly, I will feel very noisy, which makes me very upset, very unhappy, I think you hurt my feelings, I am very sad.
Or when he doesn't pack up the toys, I feel like the house I've bothered to clean up is messed up, and I'm angry, and you don't respect the fruits of my labor, which hurts me.
In this way, the empathy of you and me, the child is understood at the same time, but also knows the troubles and troubles caused to us by his words and deeds, and the child can also be
Step 3: Recognize the child's indifference and express tolerance and understanding of the child
To tell the truth, when we talk to the child, there is still the possibility of provoking the child. Some babies are angry because they are causing trouble to others, which is the legend of shame into anger!
So after empathizing with each other, we must immediately put on the sugar-coated shell and stabilize the child's emotions.
The best way is to put the baby directly on the position of a good child.
I will tell Man that you are a good child of your mother, and these must not be intentional by you, but unintentional or unaware. This is also equivalent to giving the child a step and letting his emotions have a landing.
Then it's time to tell Baby that we're also allowed to be angry, and everyone has emotions, but that doesn't affect our love for him.
Then it's time to express love. I will tell Man how much we love him, it doesn't matter if we do something wrong, don't do it well, or get into a mood, we will always love you.
Believe me, after listening to these words, even if the baby is the surface, her heart is soft and warm. All the unpleasantness just now also disappeared in the confession.
Step 4: Believe your child can do better!
When the psychological construction is done, it is time to start to output the truth: how this thing should be, how it needs to be, because of what, so what.... Can't do how, don't how, what will be the consequences of this blablablabla.
Tips: There are also communication skills here, instead of directly "how you" are, add "I hope" in the sentence – I hope you can do it, or how you will definitely do how to be better.
In short, we must show our trust and expectation for our children, use encouragement and recognition to achieve positive guidance, and hold it!
Step 5: Loving hugs!
Title.... There's nothing to explain, enjoy the intimacy of the hug.
The above is my review guide, really really super useful! It is also because of my gentle and positive and constantly reconciling review process, and I know each other's thoughts and feelings better.
In the middle of this, Man Man is also willing to express his motivations and emotions with me, so that communication is more effective and the parent-child relationship is better.
In this way, Man man changed from a thorny, wrinkled and difficult baby to a small warm man, and the review was indispensable. I also hope that you can also harvest the same angel baby.