Note: I once shared the "Diagnosis and Treatment Experience of a Depressed Lady After Recovery" (September 16, 2021) in the public account (Dr. Baozuxiao), which inspired many patients with mental illness, including depression, and now share with you another experience of coping with depression and life difficulties, and hereby express my gratitude to the client for sharing. The following picture is what she communicated with me on QQ:
01
Golden autumn October, autumn high and refreshing, used to describe autumn is the most appropriate! However, this year's autumn is particularly weird, stingy and difficult to adapt, and even Osmanthus is shy and late.
I remember that on the day of Chongyang Festival, I was still wearing a sleeveless dress, the air was dull, and I was looking for a place to escape the heat. After two days, the cold air suddenly invaded, directly into the cold mode of winter. Suddenly, the WeChat circle of friends shouted: cotton sweaters, cotton sweaters, sweaters, coats quickly searched out; ahhh! Is the autumn dress I just started useless? Flesh hurts; it's okay! Saved me a lot of money in my shopping cart; what's the situation? Before you see the shadow of autumn, it is winter; either you die of heat in autumn, or you freeze to death in autumn...
In fact, in this season of hot and cold mutations, I experienced a week of insomnia and nightmares, tension, vulnerability, boredom, and fear, and almost fell into the quagmire of depression again. It starts with my work life.
02
October is a very busy month for my work, coupled with a National Day holiday, the related work backlog is somewhat heavy. It just so happened that I encountered the boundary point of the adjustment of working hours, less lunch break, and I felt a little nervous for a while, but I couldn't slow down. I remember those days, the temperature changed sharply, I needed to rearrange my family's clothes, but at that time, when I thought about dealing with this matter, I was bored, just an emergency rummaging box and smoking a few pieces.
The work is really intense, the daily amount is there, and it has to be arranged to be made. When you are thirsty, you will think of pouring a glass of water, and when it is hot, you will forget to drink it as soon as you put it. During this period, I encountered several small episodes in the business, which made me a little tired and sad. When I came home from work and saw those pots and pans, I really didn't want to do it, I just wanted to solve it casually.
Immediately after, the troubles came again, and Xiao Bao, who had just been three weeks old, had a cold. It was like a storm for my family (not surprisingly, every time). First of all, the mother-in-law will nervously call me: leaves, leaves, the child seems to have a fever, go home and take his temperature. As a mother, I had to put down my work and hurry home.
When I got home, I looked at the child with a handful of snot and a handful of tears, and I couldn't help but feel a little irritable. I probed his forehead, his back, and it was indeed hot. I pulled out my thermometer (I don't know if it's to save money or be silly, I've been using mercury thermometers all the time). I held the thermometer in my left hand and the alcohol-soaked cotton ball in my right hand, wiped and disinfected the thermometer, then threw it twice and fixed my eyes to make sure the mercury fell below 36°C. At this time, the child has cried loudly: I don't want it! I don't want it! The mother-in-law quickly turned the child over, pressed it on her leg, and pulled down her pants. I also aimed at the child's ass, ready to strike. Xiao'er was really nervous, tight ass, and couldn't find his ass eye at all. I squatted down and tried to break open his ass slit and align it. At this time, the child cried even louder, and I looked at the time while comforting, hoping that the hour hand would go faster. Finally after 3 minutes, I took out the thermometer, and looked at it, not very good, it was already 39.3 ° C.
At this time, my mother-in-law asked me: How many degrees? From my experience, I know I can't tell them the truth, so I casually said 38.7 °C, let's eat some Merrill Lynch first. I went to the refrigerator to take out Merrill and prepare to feed the child medicine, when the father-in-law came up from downstairs and asked urgently: How, how? I pretended to answer calmly: it doesn't matter, 38.7 ° C, first eat Merrill Lynch, and then take some cold anti-inflammatory drugs.
At this time, everyone seemed to be relieved, and I began to feed the children medicine. This time the feeding was particularly tossed, first coaxed and then deceived, and in a hurry, meilin was forced to feed down. Buffer for a few minutes, feed the second medicine, the child is more stubborn, clenching his teeth, closing his lips, dancing with his hands and feet, resisting strongly, and he can't get off at all. The father-in-law stood aside and said: If you have a cold, you must take medicine, otherwise you will be taken to the hospital to hang needles! Xiao'er didn't understand grandpa at all, and only cared about crying and resisting vigorously, and her mother-in-law couldn't hold it. At this time, the father-in-law shouted loudly: If you don't obey, I will take you to hang the needle! I am particularly sensitive to the word hanging needle (I have seen in many media before that hanging is aimed at the child's immune system is not good, try to take medicine as much as possible). I reminded myself to hurry up and feed my child's medicine in. With the cooperation of the mother-in-law, the child's medicine was finally poured down. worst! The previous efforts were abandoned, and with a "uh" sound, all the potions were spit out, and the rice that had been eaten in the morning was also spit out, and the body and the ground were full of vomit, and a sour smell came to the nose. At this time, the father-in-law and mother-in-law began to sigh and complain: "Pretend, this child does not listen to the teachings at all." Seeing their disgusted expressions, my heart was on fire, this is old, how come I don't have a patience? Then my phone rang, and a colleague called me saying that a client was waiting for me in the studio. I thought about it calmly, and I should send it to the hospital in my current condition! (If I usually take my child to the hospital to see a doctor, but this time even if I have a doppelganger, it is not enough) I asked my father-in-law to arrange for them to go to the hospital by themselves, and I also drove back to the company (when it is time to let go, I still have to let go, I can't exhaust myself).
03
In the studio, I'm busy. The mother-in-law called: Leaf, leaf, child is crying here non-stop, can't stop!
I listened a little anxiously and asked: What is the situation? Do you want to hang the needle?
The mother-in-law replied: The body temperature is unbelievably high, 39.5 ° C, to hang the needle, just draw blood, measured the nucleic acid, waiting for the results. Still have to wait for more than 1 hour, the child does not want to be here, crying non-stop, to go out, the wind outside is very strong, the clothes are not enough, people are choking!
I knew that my mother-in-law meant to let me pass, so I exhaled and replied: I am very busy at hand now, and I can't get over, you should think of a way, give him a turn around in the neighborhood, and it will be fine in a while.
The mother-in-law had to reluctantly answer: Yes!
I don't know how long later, the mother-in-law called again: leaves, leaves, children hanging needles can not hang in, crying and moving, three injections have not been hit!
I listened to both anxious and angry, why do you have to find me for every little thing! When I was urged to have a second child, I said that you would bring the child, but now why can't you carry anything? I replied angrily: I'm not a doctor, I can't hang in, you ask me, do I have a way? Despite this, I was still trying to find a way, and suddenly my mind flashed and asked: I just hung up three injections, were they all hit by the same nurse? If not, why don't you change nurses?"
Mother-in-law's side: Oh! Hung up the phone.
I'm really speechless, but I also don't want to get tangled up in this matter and go into my own work instead.
I don't know how long later, my father-in-law called: YeZi, Xiao'er is still hanging needles, there is no time to pick up Ah Xuan, you don't forget to pick up at school at 11 o'clock. Then I remembered, Oops! Almost forgot about my eldest son! As soon as I looked at my mobile phone, the time was almost over, and I was still talking to a customer at the time, but I hurriedly exchanged a few words with the customer and directly transferred it to a colleague to deal with.
04
The days were so tense and busy. The child's needle has not yet hung up, one evening cousin (working in my studio) called, she tears her heart and lungs crying, while intermittently telling her daughter that she has a kidney syndrome, the hospitalization is estimated to take 1 to 2 months, and it may take lifelong medicine. I listened to the heartache at that time, forced myself to hold back, and comforted her. In fact, my heart is also very complicated, one is to feel sorry for my sister and her daughter, and the other is how to arrange the company's work?
What an eventful autumn! Another old colleague of the company went for a health examination, and the result of the examination report showed that she had ground glass nodules in her lungs and needed further examination, and the doctor also recommended that the earlier she operated, the safer it was. Old colleagues were physically and mentally hit, worried that they had cancer, three days and two days of leave to see a doctor, and they were really unable to work. I felt that the working atmosphere was not right, but in the consideration of human nature, I decided to give her money for a few days.
Bad things happened again, and that morning I was sitting in front of my computer, and an advertisement popped up on the display, which was the kind of screen that vibrated violently to emit light. I was suddenly stabbed by this strong light, and my eyes began to blur, like the raindrops hitting the glass, coming out of a water halo, more and more blurred, and with a flickering dizziness, followed by chest tightness and nausea. This is a bad sign, I haven't had such symptoms in more than two years. I started to worry, and the feeling of vulnerability, the feeling of tension, the sense of fear suddenly struck. After lying on the table for about 10 minutes, I began to stagger to the bathroom, trying to make myself spit out a few mouthfuls of water, feel better, and sit back in my place. At this time, I completely stopped my work and looked back at myself: I had been too busy lately, there was invisible pressure, and I couldn't find time to exercise, so I put aside the mindfulness meditation treatment that Dr. Bao had ordered, and as a result, my body began to resist. I have to adjust, so that it will go wrong, I remind myself. (Note: This content is not finished to be continued, see the next draft for details)