Recently, Gu Ailing's fire, Shun took her mother Gu Yan also on fire.
In fact, at present, Gu Yan should be the existence of the ceiling level in "Haidian Mother".
In China's education jianghu, Haidian mothers and Shunyi mothers from Beijing can definitely be called the originators of chicken doll inner volumes, in the public impression, almost all of them are returnees elites; every day to the children as nannies, drivers, teaching assistants, as accompanying students, even if they monopolize all their time to their children, reduce their own needs to the minimum, and never let the children lose at the starting line... From the outsider's point of view, they are simply frightened, but in the circle of this group of elite mothers, there is no most fighting, only more fighting, no most volume, only more volume...
Of course, seeing here, many parents may start to be anxious, although Gu Ailing's mother Gu Yan is not a typical "tiger mother", but she herself has a good family, a generation of elites, and even without exaggeration, Gu Yan's starting point is even the end point that many ordinary families are difficult to reach throughout their lives, so Gu Yan's example is not universal, so is it difficult for children born in ordinary families to "counterattack"? What about poor families? Isn't there no hope at all?
No, education should not be industrialized, this Chinese mother who takes personality education as the first priority, let us see that even if born poor, only relying on "housework" can cultivate very good children.
The protagonist I want to introduce to you today, who grew up in a poor peasant family in Malaysia, immigrated to the United States when she was 17 years old, and because of the family's economic situation at that time, she did not have much education and no money.
But it was such an ordinary woman who had cultivated three very good sons!
Her eldest son, Justin, graduated from Yale University, a top 10 in the world, founded Twitch while studying physics and psychology. In 2014, Twitch was sold to Amazon for $970 million.
Daniel, the second son, founded Cruise to develop self-driving cars, and in 2016, General Motors acquired Cruise for more than $1 billion in cash and stock.
It's amazing to have a billionaire in a family, and there are actually two in her family! The youngest son is not a billionaire, but he is also a very good software engineer.
Seeing this, I really can't help but wonder, what kind of education method can cultivate such an excellent child?
In media interviews, the eldest son, Justin, and the second son, Danie, both attributed their success to doing housework when they were young, saying that their mother's "housework education method" taught them how to start and manage a company.
01
Sharing household chores is also taking responsibility
When Her three sons were young, Justin's mother would ask them to help with housework. And it's not just housework, it's even about helping her work together.
When she was a real estate agent, she had to repair the dilapidated rental house and the furniture in it on weekends, and then renovate it before renting it out or selling it.
At this time, she will take her three sons to repair the house together, so the three sons do not have much play time on the weekends, and they have to do a lot of work, such as painting the house, repairing tables and chairs, cleaning... I also often need to help my mother do some basic office work, such as entering loan data.
Justin said:
“
Helping my mother work is stressful and painful. I'll never forget that when we were cleaning up the house and complaining, she would say to us, 'Do you think these jobs are hard?' If you go to the place where I used to live (a Malaysian farm), I promise you won't be able to hold on for even a day! ’
She also told us that living is painful in a way, but it's also beautiful and that you have to accept that the good and the bad coexist. You can't eliminate the bad parts, or the good times will become meaningless.
Let the child help to take on the housework, share the pressure of life, this point, rarely appear in the domestic family, more is that the parents feel that the housework is worthless and meaningful things, and even more feel that this is the mother should do this kind of worthless thing, and the child only needs to study well, but in fact, this practice not only instills incorrect values to the child, so that they blur their responsibility for the family, but also let the child lose the opportunity to understand things through practice.
But in fact, this practice is crucial, without really feeling the hardships and pressures of the adult world, it is difficult to realize what kind of person you want to be, how to spend this life, how to take on your responsibilities, and the emergence of a sense of responsibility is also the beginning of a person's maturity and self-planning.
02
Doing "housework" is the same as starting a company
While arranging for the children to do housework, the mother's method of arranging housework is also very special.
She doesn't divide each task evenly among each person, she makes a "housework list" and then lets her three sons negotiate and choose what to do, but as long as the housework on the list is not completed, all three sons are not allowed to play computer games!
The eldest son, Justin, said: "We all feel that this is very unfair, but the important thing is that doing housework does teach us a lot of things. It takes us from 'thinking only about ourselves' to 'knowing our responsibilities' and makes us realize that we are a team. ”
From the initial contradictions and disputes, to the later teamwork did not take long, doing housework became "a team to complete a task together", working together, understanding the characteristics of each person, assigning tasks, controlling the situation, calculating each other's workload... These practices continue to improve the children's abilities.
Justin said in an interview:
I think doing housework is actually the same as starting a company. Any startup, everyone is like sitting on the same boat, and it doesn't matter who does what. We just need to do certain things well in order to be successful. If we succeed, then everyone wins. If we don't succeed, everyone loses.
Of course, people in large companies feel differently. But from an organizational point of view, you really need a goal and work together for that goal.
This "housework" arrangement of the mother allows the 3 children to learn to work as a team, and this frequent practice makes them more efficient, and they get a sense of happiness and achievement in practice, and the sense of achievement is the key factor for people to maintain enthusiasm for many things, which in turn makes them form a positive cycle.
03
"Leading by example" is the best education
In a way, the mother of the 3 brothers is very strict with them, but her strictness is not to punish the child, she does not like to punish the child, she will motivate the children by setting higher standards, when the children have been able to skillfully complete a task she assigned, she will set a higher standard for the child to achieve, in this process the child continues to challenge and break through themselves, and constantly improve.
Of course, the most important thing is that she herself will lead by example and hold herself to high standards.
As we mentioned earlier, When Justin's mother first arrived in the United States, she had neither money nor education, but even so, she did not give up studying, and she was very studious, going to a community college with cheap tuition while working on her own, and then successfully transferring to the University of Washington in her own efforts, where she earned a bachelor's degree in physics and a master's degree in computer science. After graduation, I started working in a data equipment company, and after a few years, I turned to a real estate agent, constantly trying and exploring my own life possibilities.
The eldest son, Justin, said:
Mom always said to us: You have to do your best in everything you do. I translate this sentence to: If you want to be the best person, you have to work hard to become the best. It's a great way of life, and it encouraged me to start a startup and try to do it well.
To this day, I can really appreciate my accomplishments because I can say to myself – I earned them on my own. I wouldn't have gotten where I am today without hard work, and that's what I learned from my mom. That's what makes life worthwhile.
If the parents are just a strong demand for the child, but they indulge in no self-discipline, the child is most likely only forced by the authority of the parent-child relationship, made a temporary submission, once out of the parent's control, it will still be the same as the parents, so parents in the child at the same time, do not reduce the requirements for themselves.
Finally, share seven methods
Make your child fall in love with doing housework
Make age-specific chores
Once you notice your child's desire to help, start making age-appropriate chores for him, from simple to complex as your child grows.
Many parents have low expectations for their children's ability to do housework, but even very young children will surprise you! Therefore, boldly and constantly giving them new tasks and more difficult challenges, in the process of trying to complete these tasks, they will continue to enhance their understanding of their own abilities, which will greatly help children to build self-confidence in living independently in this world.
Use clever language to pique your child's interest
Last year, Child Development, an authoritative journal in the field of child psychology in the United States, published a study for children aged 3-6, and researchers found that thanking children for "being a helper" can significantly increase their willingness to help than directly ordering children to help others. That's because children want to be recognized as "good kids who are helpful and capable of helping others."
▲Child Development, an authoritative journal in the field of child psychology research in the United States
Keep housework on your child's schedule
Put housework into your child's daily schedule, such as following piano practice and soccer practice, and keep it constant and make it a habit.
Do housework like playing games
Behavioral scientists have demonstrated the impact of "gamification" in our lives. Researchers have found that translating everyday tasks (such as exercise, study, work, etc.) into a game-like experience can greatly improve efficiency and drive.
You can set up a break-through session for your child in the housework like in the game, starting with a simple start, going up a level for each task completed, and then facing new tasks of greater difficulty, such as making the child fold clothes to winning the right to use the washing machine.
Don't skimp on praise, don't give rewards
Psychology divides the drive into internal drive and extrinsic drive.
Intrinsic drive comes from your willingness to really want to do something because you enjoy the process of doing it, are interested in it, or think it's worth doing. External drives are driven by certain people or financial gain.
The problem with external drive is that your satisfaction is associated with external stimuli; therefore, without rewards, there is no longer motivation to act.
Studies have shown that external rewards actually reduce intrinsic drive. With regard to housework, psychologists believe that paying children for labor will reduce the child's internal motivation to help others, turning "selfless help to others" into a business transaction.
Regardless of your child's performance, give him a firm compliment for his efforts. Even if the child does mess things up, instead of blaming him for his incompetence, it is better to affirm his efforts and encourage his progress.
Choose the right form of task so that your child understands the true meaning of doing housework
To build prosocial behaviors, such as empathy for putting yourself in the shoes of others, housework should take turns and focus on taking care of the family (e.g., cleaning the living room, making breakfast for everyone) rather than taking care of yourself (cleaning your own bedroom, or making yourself breakfast).
From this, children understand that "doing housework" is a way to reflect family responsibilities and mutual care between family members.
Create positive family public opinion for the "housework" thing
Don't associate housework with punishment, as this will cause resentment in your child. Pay attention to talking about housework in a positive or at least neutral manner, and if you always complain about doing housework, your child will certainly be less willing to do it.
If you show a gesture of having fun, the child will naturally look at it from a positive perspective as well.
Israel's "Family Education" once did a survey: children who love housework have an unemployment rate of 1:15 compared with children who do not love housework, and the former has an average income of about 20% higher than the latter.
Finally, here's a very specific "method of cultivating children's housework skills" given by the Jewish writer Salad:
3 to 4 years old: brush your teeth, put away clean clothes, help parents clean up the room and tidy up toys, and bring dirty clothes to the washing machine;
4 to 5 years old: can water flowers and vegetables, wipe the table, take newspapers, etc.;
5 to 6 years old: will take care of most of the personal hygiene, sweep their own room, mop the floor, bring garbage to the garbage bin, will put the dining table, put the sundries in the corresponding place, make their own beds;
9 to 12 years old: can take care of all personal hygiene, can wipe furniture, can wash clothes, mop the living room floor and even help the kitchen;
13 to 15 years old: prepare a few meals for the family, wash all their own clothes, assist their parents to complete some of the more heavy work, make a budget for their own money, choose to buy their own clothes, do some work in the nearby area, and iron clothes;
Children over the age of 16: working outside to earn money, traveling alone under the supervision of adults, planning goals for higher education, being responsible for the full dress of the individual, planning and preparing meals for the family, because eating is the foundation of family life.
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