Some people grow up to be cured by childhood all their lives, while others heal their childhood all their lives.
Speaking of my original family, my parents, it seems that there is nothing to say, in fact, I also want to be close to them, talk to them well, there may be childhood impressions, always unable to take this step, and do not want to step out at all.
My mother's personality is relatively strong, the desire to control is very strong, what is said is what is, and it is a son preference, it is unfortunate that I am a girl; my father's personality is too weak, what my mother said is what, nothing is assertive, but where my mother said what I am not, my father always echoed on the side, and beat me together to scold me; of course, I also have a younger brother, my mother has always said that there is no preference for sons, because I am 6 years older than my brother, from childhood I help to take my brother, help him bathe, feed, take care of his sleep, Often do all kinds of housework behind his back, when something is wrong, the mother always scolds, the younger brother says that everything is right, and the younger brother wants anything. So much so that my relationship with my brother is not good, I think it is my brother who stole everything from me, belongs to my love. In this family, watching their family of three, happy and harmonious, I feel that I am an outsider.
I have to say how to make me feel that there is a preference for sons, now after many years, I am not so impressed, I know that I have learned to observe the color since I was a child, as little as possible to appear in front of my mother, lest she think of anything, and then scold me with a split head and face, this is not enough, as soon as I say it, I will get on fire, directly move, come up is punching and kicking, sometimes more excessive, directly to a certain position directly kicked over, more terrible is that I am already asleep, but also to me is a bar and a bar to fan over, I can't remember exactly how many nights I fell asleep crying and crying, or how many nights I had. I remember when I was not happy, I ran to the top of the building, just lay on the cold floor and looked at the stars, while looking at the stars, I cried, and sometimes I fell asleep directly on the cold floor.
I am careful at home, walking is very light and light, the voice is very small and very small, I am afraid of accidentally touching my mother's nerve, and beat me up again, many times, beating up is not addictive, there are all kinds of scolding and grinning, all kinds of foul language, handy, and even more, I can't move to tell me to die, once I also tried to hang, no courage, just live secretly, lingering, that is what can support me, when I leave home to study in other places, I may be able to get rid of it.
So when applying for college, I chose a city that is far from home, so that I don't have to come back often, when it comes to college, it would have been hopeless, and my relatives said that you would have 2 children, and your brother is still so small, so far away, let her read it. Maybe my mother also loves face in the end, half push and half let me read, as for why I didn't say my dad, I also said it earlier, weak and incompetent, what my mother said is what it is. Whenever I have to pay tuition or take food, it is all kinds of embarrassment, and all I say is that if I don't go to college, I don't know how much money is left, and the family house can also be beautifully painted. And so it bumped and bumped me out of college.
There are many follow-up, I will not elaborate on them one by one, say so much, and do not want to say how my parents are, maybe their times are not good, it is really difficult to make money, and they have worked hard all their lives, my mother may also be oppressed by my grandmother's preference for sons and daughters, everything has a reason. No matter what, I am still grateful to my parents, grateful for bringing me into this world, and I will do my best to honor them and let them live a happy life.
I have to say that the influence of the original family on me is extremely far-reaching, including now, I can not get rid of the influence of the original family on me, every time the TV looks at the picture of son preference, always tearful, see the article about son preference on the Internet, the heart is inexplicably sad. I am also trying to get rid of the bad influence of my original family on me now, reconcile with myself, and reconcile with my parents.
The idea of son preference has long been there, deeply rooted, I believe that people who have suffered the same as me must be a lot of people, I hope to get rid of the bad influence of the original family on themselves as soon as possible, bid farewell to the pain of the past, and never go to a better life.