Source: Capital Education
Some time ago, Xiao Bo was "Amway" by his colleagues for a show "Super Brain Youth League". While watching the show, I was warmed up by a father.
In the show, the little boy Gao Peiqi is the youngest, but his strength is very strong, and he is a "nother person's child" with a super brain. Although he passed the level all the way, he finally lost the game, and the boy could not help but shed tears.
At this time, the warm-hearted gao dad went online, "Pei Qi, I think I am already very happy this time." At home, we often say that victory is like candy, and eating too much will break your teeth. Failure, like medicine, can cure your disease. Come on! With that, Father Gao gave his son a big hug...
Gao Dad's move made the host feel very emotional: "China has been saying strict father and mother for thousands of years. I look at the current fathers, one more gentle, paper towels, tears, generally all fathers. The mothers were more resolute than one. ”
"Strict father and mother" is the family role of father and mother in traditional Chinese education. In the process of educating children, it is advocated that the father dress up as "black face" and the mother play "red face".
Today, this role positioning seems to have changed in many families, and the mother has become a "strict mother" who strictly restricts the behavior of the child, while the father is becoming more and more open and tolerant, becoming a "loving father".
Why are there more and more "strict mothers and loving fathers"?
Seeing this, parents may also want to know why there are more and more "strict mothers and loving fathers". In the eyes of experts, this is mainly related to the fact that many fathers are busy with work and have no time to discipline their children.
Professor Wo Jianzhong of the Institute of Developmental Psychology of Beijing Normal University believes that there are two main reasons for the formation of "strict mother and loving father":
01
For various reasons, most of the tasks of family education and raising the next generation fall on the shoulders of mothers, and women have to face up to become "strict mothers", while fathers who have no time to manage their children and feel sorry for their children when their mothers scold them become "loving fathers".
02
The spirit of the man's bravery and independence is weakened, "because seeing that the husband cannot be tough, the wife must be fierce." In addition, most of the women's minds are more delicate, the requirements for children are more stringent, and the expectations are high, so they unconsciously become strict mothers. ”
But at the same time, Wo Jianzhong believes that this is not a good thing.
"The education of strict mothers and loving fathers has a negative impact on the formation of gender characteristics, which is not conducive to boys cultivating male boldness, nor is it conducive to girls' cognition of male masculinity and rationality... Therefore, modern society still needs to emphasize strict fatherhood and motherhood, and men play the role of family authority. ”
In addition, between "strictness" and "kindness", parents should also communicate more and reach an agreement, and cannot be one single strict and one single kind.
Like what
Some children are greedy at night and refuse to sleep, he finds that begging his father can sleep later, it is useless to ask his mother, for a long time, the child knows that "the father will satisfy himself." Children lack the ability to distinguish between right and wrong, and over time, the parents' educational authority will gradually be replaced by the child's trade-off of interests.
If the child says she doesn't want to go to bed early, it's best for the mother to ask "what is your dad's opinion?" At the same time, no matter who plays the "peacemaker", not only to appease the child, but also to tell him why, to explain what is right and what is wrong.
Yan ≠ rude and kind≠ doting
First, we must understand:
"Strict" does not mean that children are treated in a rough way by beating and scolding, but refers to the strictness of attitudes and requirements. Give your child a bottom line principle, not to touch;
"Kindness" is not unprincipled coddling, but an education for children to love. Give your child a free space to play and bloom.
Regardless of who is strict and who is kind, the focus of the two disciplines is not the same:
Strict mothers are usually more demanding and meticulous academically and behaviorally.
Strict fathers are usually very principled in the education of their children, and will grasp the big and let go of the small.
Strict father and mother
VS
Strict mother and loving father
That's what the experts say
Professor Li Meijin
Professor Li Meijin, an expert in adolescent psychology research, said that in modern society, parents teach their children to adopt the method of strict motherhood and fatherly kindness.
Mom is a "strict" mother. It is recommended that mothers learn to let go in the process of their children's growth, learn to be "kind and firm" in the educational method, and have their own principles.
Dad be a "loving" father. First, when the child makes a mistake, the father can teach the child some methods; second, the father has power, but the father does not mess with his own power; third, the father is very rational and principled.
Professor Pan Suiming
Professor Pan Suiming of the School of Sociology of Chinese Min University pointed out that children, especially boys, are prone to worship the image, ability and authority of their fathers from a very young age. Therefore, the father should take the lead in cultivating the child's healthy personality and self-reliance, which is more in line with the child's psychological foundation.
From the moment the child is born, the mother accompanies and takes care of them day and night, and they have become accustomed to receiving care from the mother, who is mainly responsible for cultivating the child's rich emotional, moral awareness and psychological adjustment ability.
Netizens say so
Netizen "God": Loving mother and many losers, fathers are kind and filial. That's the answer!
Netizen "Yangli": The so-called strict mother and loving father are only the results obtained by comparing with the traditional parent education method (strict father and mother). It doesn't matter if the father or mother is concerned, the most important thing is that both parties must do the right way of education: principled, reasonable, patient, etc.
Netizen "Kevin": In reality, we see that the mother is a very strong family, and most of the children have a lot of problems! Especially families with sons, they are inferior and unconfident! Of course, I say this sentence is not absolute, it is a high probability reality!
Netizen "poor mother parenting": whether it is a father or a mother, there is no deliberate who should be strict and who should play a kind role. True parenting should follow the laws of children's psychological development. Accompany your child and understand what your child is.
Netizens "focus on starting": to educate children must be in step with their parents, where they should be strict, everyone should be strict, and those who should be tolerant should be tolerant. If there is no consistency, the child will take advantage of the loophole.
So, dear parents,
Which education method do you approve of?
It is a "strict father and mother"
Or "Strict Mother and Loving Father"
Feel free to leave a message in the comment area
Say what you think
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