Author: Blue Camel
Source: Uncle Kai Storytelling (ID: kaishujianggushi)
Some time ago, I watched a show and was warmed up by a father.
In the show, the little boy Gao Peiqi, the youngest, but the strength is very strong, is a super brain-like "other people's child".
Although he passed the level all the way, he finally lost the game.
The boy couldn't help but shed tears.
At this time, his father walked to the center of the stage, hugged his son, and encouraged:
"Victory is like candy, eating too much teeth will be broken."
Failure is like medicine that can cure your illness. Come on! ”
The distressed eyes, the spoiled "touching the head to kill", full of father-son affection.
Gao Dad's move made the host feel very emotional:
"China has been saying strict father and mother for thousands of years. I look at the current fathers, one more gentle, paper towels, tears, generally all fathers. The mothers were more resolute than one. ”
Take Gao Peiqi, for example, the mother is more strict, and the father plays a role of accompanying the upgrade to fight monsters.
Professor Li Meijin once said:
"In the past, we used to say 'loving mother and strict father', in fact, the best family education should be 'strict mother and loving father'.
Mothers should be strict and firm, and fathers should be rational and kind. ”
The family has a son, the father must be "kind"
In the past, people used to say, "Strict father out of filial piety."
Many fathers are accustomed to playing the role of "strict father" and feel that only when they are strict can they have prestige.
Is this really right?
A variety show has interviewed hundreds of ordinary fathers. When asked, "What kind of a person was your father," the answer that comes up the most is "harsh."
These men, who have become fathers, recall the days when they were disciplined by Yan Father when they were young, and they still have palpitations.
There was a man, who was very naughty as a child, who said:
"Since I was a child, he instilled in me that I was useless, not even a pig."
For a long time after growing up, he was always very inferior and cowardly, and felt that he was always making mistakes and inferior to others.
There was a man who liked to wear a duck-tongue hat when he was a child.
Dad said he was too much of a little hooligan and tore his hat off.
Although in Dad's eyes, this may be just a small thing. But he was injured for many years, and he still remembers it today.
There was a man who was beaten by his father from childhood to adulthood.
"As long as you don't obey me, you will beat me", "If you do something wrong, you will be beaten every day", "The way to educate us at every turn is to solve it by force".
Frightened, he chose to flee from his father.
When people reach middle age, they are still in a cold war with their father.
In fact, the "strict father" in their mouth is the epitome of many "Chinese-style strict fathers" - they do not pay attention to emotional communication and intimate interaction, but instead blow their beards and stare, showing their father's "majesty" everywhere.
These "strict fathers" are not not loving children, they really don't use the right way.
A study by the University of Cambridge in the United Kingdom found that verbal violence against children by fathers was much more serious than the impact of mothers on their children's use of language.
If in a family, the father plays the role of a strict father, often scolding and punishing the child, the child may be more estranged from the family member during adolescence.
When these people grow up, they will also subconsciously imitate their fathers. Play the role of a "strict father" and treat your children in the way they have suffered.
Regarding the role of the father, Li Meijin emphasized:
"Father must be 'kind.'" Because the father is powerful, the father is loving, the child thinks that it is supported by someone, and the sky cannot fall. ”
To be a "loving father" is to give your child two feelings:
First, give your child a kind of open mind.
Tell him that this matter is a big thing at the moment, and you don't look too much.
Second, I have power, but I don't abuse it casually.
Feel like a child is a friend, giving you advice and telling you what to do.
Being a loving father, a gentle and sunny father, is more beneficial to the growth of boys.
The family has a daughter, the father should "educate" and "love"
The other day, I went to a relative's house as a guest, and as soon as I entered the door, I saw her child sitting on the sofa with her head down, her eyes wet and her mouth pouting.
"Play again and break your leg" "See how I clean you up"...
The child's father was furious.
After asking, I learned that my daughter often played mobile phone in the middle of the night recently, and her grades declined.
The girl was reluctant and couldn't hear what was going on in her mouth, but as soon as her father turned around, she picked up the phone again and played.
The child is not against reason, she is against such a strong father who does not understand himself.
The family has daughters, and the father wants to "discipline", but not to "manage" strongly and arbitrarily.
Many dads are like this too:
They do not pay attention to the way of education, and it is difficult to see the heart of the child; when they see the child admit his mistake and become obedient, he thinks that the purpose has been achieved.
As everyone knows, such behavior does not cure the symptoms, but also has a bad impact on children.
The family has an authoritarian and strong father, and the girl's personality is prone to two tendencies: rebellion and inferiority.
Because of Dad's incomprehension, he gradually became rebellious;
Unable to feel his father's love, he gradually became inferior.
The family has daughters, the mother should be "strict", and the father should be "kind".
Her mother gave her the principle of the bottom line, and her father gave her the height of freedom.
Mothers make rules, and fathers squat down to listen to their children's ideas, understand their children's needs, and respond to their children's emotions, so as to establish a strong intimate relationship.
Mothers love "strict" and raise educated children
When it comes to mothers, many people think of the word "loving mother". After all, in most families, moms are gentle characters.
There is nothing wrong with a mother being gentle, but you can't spoil and protect your child without principle.
Some time ago, on the streets of Shaanxi, a boy who wanted to play with his mobile phone was stopped by his mother. After a few words of argument, the boy pushed his mother to the ground, swearing and grinning, and kicked his mother in the ass.
The nearby security guard couldn't look down and tried to stop it, but the boy yelled at the security guard.
The security guard was very angry and took out his mobile phone and said to the boy:
"Don't make a fuss, hear that?" I'll call the police if I make another fuss! ”
The mother quickly got up to intercede for her son, hoping that the security guards would not make a big fuss.
When you are young, you dare to scold your mother, but what will you become when you grow up?
Imagined.
The child's appetite is fed, the temper is brought out, it is coddled in every way, and it is also imitated.
The more gentle and disrespected the person, the more dare the child to bully.
On the contrary, if the mother can be strict and principled, and face the unreasonable requirements of the child and firmly oppose it, the child may no longer make trouble.
Li Meijin emphasized:
"As a mother, you have to be bold. It's that I say I'm here, and you don't want to do anything with me. ”
Moms can be gentle, but be sure to have weight in front of their children.
Say one is one, throw loudly.
This requires not only the mother to be a "strict mother", but also the respect of the father:
Not saying in front of the child that the partner is not,
This affects the child's judgment of the parents;
Cooperate more in educating children,
Even if there are different opinions, do not dismantle the stage in front of the child.
The concept and principle of education should be unified, and the form of education can be more flexible.
"Strict mother and loving father" is a kind of role assignment.
"Strict" does not mean that children are treated in a rough way by beating and scolding, but refers to the strictness of attitudes and requirements. Give your child a bottom line principle, not to touch;
"Kindness" is not unprincipled coddling, but an education for children to love. Give your child a free space to play and bloom.
The father is responsible for guiding and giving the child confidence and love;
Mothers control principles and teach their children to be loved and feel loved.
The mother is gentle and determined, giving the child breadth of love;
The father is rational and kind, and carries up the height of love.
A boy or a girl who grows up in this family environment,
It is often "both principled and flexible".
Parents do their part to keep the scales of love and education impartial.
This article is reproduced in Uncle Kai's Storytelling (ID: kaishujianggushi), which unites 40 million families, brings good hope to parents, and allows more children to have a happy childhood.