Why do I care so much about my children, but he is always angry with me?
Why is it that other people's children have been so sensible since they were young, and I gave him the best, and he still picked and chose?
Why did I give him everything and the child never felt enough?
There is a saying in psychology: "If you only blindly pay, the other party will not be grateful to Dade and give back this kindness, but will think that everything is taken for granted." ”
So love is not simply giving, nor is it blindly selfless giving.
If you want to harvest a beautiful parent-child relationship, compared to burying your head in the effort, how to use the right way to let the child learn to feel love and express love is the key.
Zhejiang Satellite TV has a parent-child program called "Don't Underestimate Me".
There is a scene in which parents need to complete tasks under the scorching sun in order to let their children enter the surprise house to choose gifts, and work hard to earn enough growth coins.
When the child enters the surprise house, he is told that he can only choose between the gift he likes and the gift that his parents like.
At first I thought that children would not hesitate to choose the gifts they liked, but surprisingly, most children ended up choosing to leave gifts to their parents.
The intern instructor in charge asked, why give the gift to Mom and Dad?
The children's answers were tearful. Some children say, "Because Daddy is the best, I love Daddy!" Some children replied, "Because mom works hard every day." ”
After watching this show, while I was greatly moved, I was more interested in what the parents of these children did right, so that the children could be so sensible and can express love so boldly.
After watching the post-mortem interview with my parents, I finally understood!
The parents of these children either spend a lot of time and energy on parent-child companionship, or are very willing to do what they can for their children, they know how to listen to their children's ideas, and they also know how to deal with their children's feedback.
In fact, the love of parents for their children can be felt by children. Therefore, the opportunity for the gifts that parents worked hard for their children was sent back by the children.
Although each family teaches their children differently, they will express love in their own unique way, and children will express their love for their parents in their own way.
Parenthood is really difficult because we are not simply taking care of a life, but communicating with a life, supporting and loving each other.
While parents educate their children, how to manage their children's feedback and responses is also the key to parents' growth and improvement of parent-child intimacy.
01
How to correctly view children's mistakes?
It's not terrible to make mistakes, it's terrible to keep doing things that deceive yourself in order not to make mistakes.
Psychologists divide success into effective success and ineffective success, failure into effective failure and ineffective failure, and the difference between effective and ineffective is: what does the child gain in the process?
As parents, we need to share the joy of success with our children when they succeed, and share the growth in failure together when they fail.
In this way, the child will not lose a lot of opportunities for growth because he does not dare to make mistakes; he will not lose confidence because of failure, so it is important to correctly view the mistakes of the child.
02
How to teach children to control and manage emotions?
Teaching children to control and manage their emotions is not an easy and simple task.
Children need to be taught to calmly express their emotions and thoughts without hurting others, and to know how to ask for help in time when they encounter things that cannot be handled.
Here is a set of small tools that teach children to control their emotions , "Wisdom Little Hands", and let the children learn every time they have emotions
Look at your own thumb and remind yourself not to do things that hurt others;
Look at your index finger, take 3 deep breaths and count to 10;
Look at your middle finger and say your feelings and wishes;
Look at your own ring finger and ask for help;
Look at your little thumb and sit down and calm down.
People's Daily
In this way, the child's emotions will be released and expressed, and they will not hurt others in order to vent their emotions.
Let's use this set of tools with our children to role-play and learn and grow together!
03
To learn "self-discipline," we must first start with the correct "other disciplines."
Children are not deeply involved in the world, and they do not know where the rules and boundaries are.
As adults, we have the ability and obligation to assist children in their growth, and the corresponding standards are divided according to the different stages of children's growth.
4 years old: When someone else grabs their toy, they will ask adults for help without losing their temper.
6 years old: After breakfast, you can put on your coat without being reminded.
8 years old: Will not make fun of his peers with other children.
10 years old: Can sit down and do homework after a snack from school.
12 years old: If you want to buy something you like, you will save your pocket money every week.
14 years old: Decided not to attend a gathering of friends in preparation for the exam.
16 years old: Choose not to attend parties, as under-the-person drinking may occur at parties.
18 years old: Refuses to cheat when a friend provides test answers.
Parents can refer to this standard to better assist their children in understanding the world, so that children can slowly become a small adult who can be independent.
LAST
Loving a child is not giving him all your love, such love is too heavy.
It is to pass on the right love to him, to communicate together, to grow together.