Yesterday, friend A, who is a supervisor of a large company in China, sent me an account number on a social platform and asked me how I think the article here is written?
I flipped over and replied, "Oh, there are still a lot of fans (self-deprecating the nerves of self-media)." Well, a look is just into the workplace of the little sister Liang wrote, code words, vent some work emotions. What's wrong? ”
A replied: "This is the xxx department of our company, and her number has been transferred to the big leader." ”
Curious, I asked, "How are you sure this is her number?" ”
"It's not shared by her friends, otherwise we post-70s and post-80s elderly people will mix with these communities."
I thought to myself, this girl is cold, the future is uncertain.
Her intention seems to be to share workplace experiences with young people, but what is written above is too pointable.
Complaining about the work is normal, and commenting on the various words and deeds of colleagues and superiors in a mocking tone, the 2022 New Year's wish is "job hopping, get rid of the toxic environment early", there are too many details, basically you can sit with people in real work one by one.
According to A, this Gu Liang's original business ability is very general, and if this happens, it is likely that her departure will be accelerated.
Objectively speaking, the "toxic environment" in the mouth of this gu liang is the position that many highly educated young people want to enter when they break their heads. It is estimated that on the day she leaves, it is unlikely that she will know who is behind this. Perhaps they are still "friends" of the same enemy in private.
Today I will talk about the things about friendship in the workplace.
First, having a common enemy does not mean that they are friends
Work is a bunch of people's business, you have to learn to communicate, learn to coordinate, learn to plan, learn to cooperate.
That is to say, originally you were Sun Wukong and liked to go it alone, now you must learn to follow the Tang monks and lead the eight precepts of the pig and Sha Wujing to fight. Collaboration and collaboration are skills you must learn.
In the team, where you are, who you should assist, and when to take the initiative to attack are all necessary skills that you have to slowly understand. However, this does not mean that your colleague is a friend you can say nothing.
Many times, you and your co-workers have a common hated object – the boss. You will criticize the boss in private, and the more you scold, the closer you feel to each other. This kind of "warming each other" friendship does not mean that you are friends.
This kind of "mutual interest" friendship can make you and others short-term "allies", remember, "allies" are not "friends".
Don't be confused and foolishly turn over the hole cards to show people. Remember, when stakes begin to shift (e.g., when bosses start playing divisive tactics), allies can also become fearsome enemies....
There is a very realistic "scapegoat" interpersonal theory. We often confirm how close we are to each other at the moment by "excluding a third party"—neither you nor me, but "the person who is not present."
Although you are a member of a small interpersonal group and usually have a good relationship with everyone, when you are not present, 99% of you will become a scapegoat and become the object of other people's "right and wrong".
That's human nature, so when you become a lamb in someone else's mouth one day, you really don't have to care too much.
People who do not know much about human nature tend to optimize and overestimate the "value" of many things, and the "friendship" between people is one of them.
At the beginning, the aunt who complained about her colleague's boss on social media, a hidden number was handed over to her boss by her "allies". Therefore, when human nature meets friendship, "shallow friendship" is false, and "naked humanity" is real.
So in the workplace, don't believe too much in friendship, but believe in human nature.
There is also a kind of workplace friendship that is competitive. My one-on-one trainee B in the Netherlands shared an experience that had a profound impact on her.
She joined another South American woman at the same time as a well-known large company, at a similar level. During one of their coffee conversations, they stumbled upon a similar task assigned to them by their superiors.
So the South American colleague proposed that she have a one-on-one meeting with her boss and suggested that B also participate in it and explain the matter clearly to her face.
So B went along. As soon as the boss entered the conference room, he was surprised to see that B was present, and when they began to ask about this matter, the boss's face was very ugly, and the tone of his speech was also very unpleasant, and he directly let B leave the conference room.
Since this incident, the relationship between B girls and their superiors has dropped straight to the freezing point. And the South American girl was born in front of the boss, and the proper palace fight drama was staged in the overseas workplace.
The social connections of colleagues are more complicated, there are up-down relationships, parallel relationships, and a lot of interest entanglement, so the margins of talking and doing things need to be carefully pinched. The more you understand human nature, the less vulnerable you are to relationships.
Second, have a wise measure
Not making friends with colleagues does not mean that there is no friendship, your job is to make friends, and not making friends is not equal to not socializing.
There are many management studies that prove that if employees get along well with other employees, employees are more likely to stay in the company and reduce turnover.
However, friendship in the workplace will go through many tests: if colleagues in the same period are promoted earlier, can you continue to be friends? Or, if you introduce a friend to the company, and finally he becomes your boss, how do you feel?
Many characteristics of the workplace sometimes clash with friendship itself. Because friendship is informal and voluntary, its primary goal is to meet social relationships and emotional needs.
Friendships interact on the basis of public exchange and needs: when I need you, you should respond.
However, many corporate organizational characteristics revolve around formal relationships, such as rank. It's not necessarily up to you to decide who you put into a team, and sometimes relationships that aren't up to you are required.
People must strive to achieve many goals within the enterprise, they are not necessarily related to each other, but they are all in order to achieve the final results of the enterprise.
So, it's not that you don't have deep empathy for your colleagues, but that you focus on working collaborative relationships and commit to building intelligent relationships.
We spend more time with our co-workers than we do every day, and if we fail to "keep our distance wisely," we can experience hellish suffering in our relationships in the workplace. In the vast majority of cases, co-workers are not friends, but "peers who work hard for work."
When a close relationship is established with each other, the expectations will become greater, and there will also be a situation of unilaterally being good to him, and then being injured, which will affect the progress of the work and consume a lot of emotions. Therefore, if you can familiarize yourself with the colleagues who make you miserable and uncomfortable, the relationship in the workplace will be easier.
Isn't there real friendship in the workplace? Of course not.
Because a positive, healthy workplace friendship relationship not only makes life enjoyable, but also increases productivity, and more importantly, it is also an important boost to promotion.
Xiaowen and Xiaoxiu are a pair of friends who have been friends for nearly ten years, and their friendship stems from the days of their previous job. The two people, who are six years apart in age and have different personalities, are not quite sure why the two began to know each other, but only feel that they are in love with each other.
A large part of the reason why the two have a good relationship is that they have common interests and hobbies, and have common principles of communication and handling. Although over the years, there are inevitably places of conflict of opinion in the process of getting along, but both will face the differences between each other with a mature mentality.
Whether it is "the same enemy" or the friendship established by other circumstances, in order to continue to go long, each other must have sincerity and wisdom to overcome the friction that will inevitably be experienced by continuing to get along.
Mature professionals will know how to respect each other's boundaries, such as:
- We will not inquire into the personal privacy information such as each other's salary, because we know that how generous it is, it will affect the psychological balance;
- Nor will it put private gossip, complain about the content, formal occasions;
- Do not test friendship with work, but think about each other from a professional and role perspective;
- They will not force their own cognition on the other party.
Mature professionals will understand the power of empathy and companionship:
- They will provide objective and pertinent advice to each other, and will also cheer each other up when they encounter difficulties and feel lost;
- They know how to adjust to the frequency of being consistent with each other, not flattering, not explaining, not arguing, not grudging, not struggling, and not suffering;
- The best social state is not to tiptoe into a good circle, but to find someone with the same frequency to get better together. Who you are, you will meet, and whoever you want to meet, you will first become.
- What are good feelings? It's about making us all better selves. Remember each other, be independent of each other, contact when there is something, and do not have anything to do with each other.