When I brushed an old variety show the day before yesterday, I was very touched by the mode of getting along between a mother and son that I accidentally saw.
On the show, one girl said that her boyfriend and her mother were too close to each other, making it difficult for her to accept, so she proposed to "break up if you don't keep your distance."
Originally
Although her boyfriend has been
27
When he is old, he still sleeps in the same bed with his mother, asks his mother to help him scrub the bath when he takes a bath, and even kisses each other before going out, like a mother sending boys who are a few years old to school.
What the girl couldn't stand the most was that once when she was cleaning up her boyfriend's clothes, she had a conflict with her mother, and the other party actually said:
"You are not allowed to pack my son's clothes, let me clean up."
In the face of his girlfriend's accusations, the male guest was very dismissive: "Isn't it right that I have a good relationship with my mother?" He even taunted his girlfriend in turn, "You don't even understand gratitude, it's too unreasonable"!
Because of the strange attitude of this male guest, the whole audience boiled for a while, and even the host could not watch it.
Family affection without boundaries will reduce a child's ability to protect themselves
Parents love their children, there is nothing wrong with it, but just like the male guest above, because of the excessive closeness between parents and themselves, it is easy for children to feel
"Isn't this kind of behavior normal"? "Shouldn't the parent-child relationship be so intimate"?
Thus reducing the child's ability to protect himself.
When Beckham went out with his daughter "Little Seven", he would often kiss mouth to mouth, and when Little Seven was still young, netizens felt that this father-daughter way of getting along was very loving.
But when Little Seven grew up, when Beckham posted photos of kissing Little Seven again, everyone questioned: "My daughter is already so old, so it is not appropriate to be intimate." ”
In fact, when parents and children are too close, children will easily confuse the difference between "love" and "hurt", mistakenly thinking that excessively intimate actions such as kissing and touching are just a way to express love.
In the psychology of children's sex education, there is a term called "hidden sexual assault", which means that parents use love as a name to hinder the normal development of children's sexual psychology and blur the child's sense of physical boundaries.
When the child grows up, it is easy to reduce the ability to protect himself: Mom and Dad do the same to me, he is just expressing his closeness to me.
And once the child encounters the malicious approach of the person with a heart, the consequences are unimaginable.
Excessive intimacy is not love, it is "possessiveness"
In the short film "Bao Bao", a housewife finds that the bun she made has become a white and fat baby, so she is bored and treats the "Bao Bao" as her own child and takes good care of it.
But when bao bao grew up and wanted to see the outside world, the mother actually grabbed the "bao baby" and swallowed it into the stomach, and the picture was very frightening.
In fact, just like the mother and the "baby" mode of getting along, blindly over-intimacy, the parents' love for the child is likely to transform into a terrible "possessiveness", and over time the parents become unable to accept the child's self-control.
And such a relationship,
In social psychology, it is called "adhesion parent-child relationship", because the parents' love for their children goes beyond the boundaries, and there is a situation where the relationship between them is closely adhered to.
In such a mode of getting along, parents do not allow children to have any resistance, they always pay too much attention to the child, try to control everything about the child, and even do not want the child to leave themselves, such love is deformed, in fact, it is beyond the scope of love, is a manifestation of "possessiveness".
Parent-child relationship is inseparable from the "sense of proportion"
When participating in a variety show, male star Zhang Liang once said that "daughters can't kiss their mouths, and expressing love can kiss their foreheads, hair, and arms", which was praised by many netizens: parents and children should have a "sense of proportion" and give children a kind of "boundary" love.
When the child is about 3 years old, he will gradually begin to have a gender consciousness, realize that there is a difference between men and women, and everyone has their own privacy.
Therefore, in the process of getting along with their children, parents should begin to pay attention to the distance between each other at the age of 3, so that "the female eldest avoids the father, and the child avoids the mother".
Especially on some more private occasions, such as bathing, going to the bathroom, changing clothes, parents of the opposite sex should consciously avoid and help their children establish a sense of physical boundaries.
As children grow up, parents should also pay attention to the "psychological distance" with their children, reduce interference in their lives, and avoid giving children a sense of bondage.
When children need to "spread their wings and fly high", what parents need to do is to let go with peace of mind, rather than using so-called "love" to bind their children around.
Crooked Mom Conclusion:
Any intimate relationship needs to maintain a "sense of proportion", and parent-child relationships are no exception.
How to give children "bounded" love, cultivate their gender awareness, and let children protect themselves is a problem that every parent needs to pay more attention to.
Today's topic: What do you think of this excessively intimate relationship between parents and children?