Normal family life: Husband and wife are considerate of each other, not harsh, not PUA, and have problems to solve problems

(Dust 4x/figure)

"This is the story of TA", which has a good reputation on the short video platform, often resonates with works. In a short video, the man obeyed the order to buy watermelon, and the woman threw out a lot of questions such as "where to buy it" and "cooked it", which provoked the man and gave a sentence of "annoyed to death", so there was a brief cold war in the house. At this time, the man received a call from a friend to go out and tell his wife, but the wife only coldly "um" a sound. The man was greatly uncomfortable, and once again stressed that he was going to go out from this door to have a drink, "With your personality, you must ask me, where to go, with whom, the man and the woman, what time to return", the woman asked this, and finished a sentence: "Don't you think I have a lot of problems!" ”

Do you think the husband and wife war is going to escalate? Wrong! At this point, the plot suddenly "reversed", only to see the man close his eyes and sniff the air intoxicatedly, blurting out: "This is the feeling, steadfast!" When he went to the door, he also told his wife to buy the bag that she had been looking at for several days, and the woman also smiled, "Check the post at any time." ”

This short-sightedness has the ability to make the "people in the siege" smile. This is the "sense of solidity" game that many families often stage and can't stop. In the many private parties I have attended, some of the inspectors have blamed their partners for their paranoia and showed a secret sense of pride. If you drink until you are drunk and don't return all night, and there is no check call, then there is no face.

What is the sense of solidity, the producer of this short video gives a subtitle explanation: that is, you will listen to my nonsense, and you will coax me when I am wronged. Of course, this cannot fully show the rich connotation of "sense of solidity", but it is also enough to reach people's hearts.

This makes people wonder what a normal family should look like. Before answering this question, think about what an abnormal family looks like.

Not long ago, a scholar sent a short video telling the story of the famous ugly woman Meng Guang, who vowed to "not marry Liang Hong", and the story of the allusion to his wife "raising the eyebrows of the case" and saying humorously that I would never go home when a husband and wife had become such a virtue.

And "raising eyebrows together" is a fight, is "respect as a guest". I've read articles against "respectful" family life before, and I think so. These two words represent the typical state of an abnormal family. When the two people under the house have become "allusions" that are difficult to find in the world, it is really boring.

Of course, the men and women of red dust are not saints, so the probability of living to become "respectful as guests" and "raising eyebrows" is probably extremely low, but it is not difficult to cling to the Cold War, pretend to flatter, and disagree with each other.

In "Yanxi Raiders", the "big pig's trotters" and Empress Fucha's "respect as guests" are exemplary, but what about the results?

Some "respect as guests" are just "respect like ice". That's why there is that sentence, "Don't envy the Mandarin duck, don't envy the immortals." In short, please come down from the "fairyland" of non-human fireworks and return to the human fireworks.

"Human fireworks" is specific to a family, that is, the pots and pans concerto under the cooking smoke and above the fire, that is, today's red face tomorrow is reconciled, today's sadness is tomorrow's smile. "Human fireworks" is definitely not a school of peace and happiness under the vision of romanticism, but a plain, tactile intersection of sorrow and joy shown in detail in the TV series "Children of the Qiao Family" and the movie "Love Myth". We may not find a family that has never had contradictions, and the classic couple Guo Jing and Huang Rong in Jin Yong's novels are so loving and have argued. "Husband and wife do not have overnight feuds" itself shows that it is normal for husband and wife to collide a few times and have some "hatred".

A normal family should be like this: there can be disputes, there can be red ears - this is in line with human nature, and there will always be all kinds of problems and twists and turns, but our task within the family is not to let quarrels, ignore the existence of problems and twists and turns, and even expand the contradictions, resulting in the deadlock and dissolution of the family, but the family members work together to face the problem and solve the problem.

An old couple I know, who are afraid of each other on a daily basis, but the "degree" of intimidation is limited, and they soon "collect troops". They are really white-headed and old in constant disputes and resolutions.

The construction of a family must be a project jointly completed by both husband and wife. Perfunctory on either side will weaken the motivation of this "co-construction", leaving a family in a passive and embarrassing situation.

This shows that husband and wife should be on an equal footing. Married life is neither a display of a castle in the air in a word of praise, nor is it a deliberate pleasure of one party to another party. Exaggeration of the dignity and rights of any party is a misreading and misleading of the truth of family life.

It is worth noting that there is a tendency to be harsh on men. In the video mentioned at the beginning of this article, the man is obviously also used to his wife, "the watermelon you want" and "the seller you want", behind it, is "the counter-offer you want", "the standard you want" and even "the right you want". Being summoned and often to blame is also the real situation of some good men at home: allowing their wives to lead their noses is a "spoiled wife demon", otherwise it is a scheming, chicken belly, "not like a big man".

But it seems that rarely has you heard of the "spoiler demon"? Just because you are a man, you only have the share of "spoiling your wife", which is already the standard of secret practice? Pampering is sometimes a mood, but it is not necessary to limit men to women; most of the time, it is a normal life, sharing happiness and suffering, eliminating problems, and living a comfortable life, which is a life with fireworks.

In a society, "women" and "men who are afraid of wives" appear frequently, which is always abnormal - of course, we respect men and women who have to carry the weight forward in order to live, but in family relations, especially in the relationship between husband and wife, this "burden" is also the focus that needs not be emphasized. Trying to make one of the couples "low to the dust" and strong enough to be rare in the world seems to be able to make the relationship between husband and wife healthier and more constructive, which is quite strange. It is very important to grasp the subtleties of the relationship between husband and wife, not to add oil and vinegar, not to violate human morality, and to calmly deduce a kind of mutual understanding and mutual accommodation based on human nature, to overcome difficulties, and to respect each other.

(This article is only the author's personal opinion and does not represent the position of this newspaper)

Woolly River