Author | Chen June
Not long ago, my relatives came to me to complain.
She has a 24-year-old girl in her family.
The personality is somewhat sinister and eccentric.
I never found a job after graduating from college.
I also thought about going abroad to continue to study design.
But IELTS did not meet the standard,
The child continued to stay at home
Say to be a freelancer.
But more than a year has passed,
They are still asked for living expenses every month.
In my understanding,
This girl grew up smoothly,
Grew up under the care of a nanny,
Parents only occasionally take their children to play on weekends,
Even if it's a big villa
There is a room full of toys,
Enjoy the education of the nobility,
But no one expected,
This girl's life after graduation,
It's not very smooth.
Want to find a job in your own ability,
But every job doesn't last long.
Want to go abroad to study,
However, the results are not up to standard, and they are not willing to work hard.
There are always people who say,
Girls need to be rich,
Many parents are doing their best to give their children the best material life,
But in the end, he raised a "nibbling old" child.
Ultimately
A girl's growing up,
In fact, it is complex and changeable.
In the dozen years before a girl became an adult,
Everything she went through,
all shape her logic and way of thinking.
The reason why a girl lives happily and abundantly as an adult,
And how much money has been invested in the parents,
How many elite educational environments have been shaped,
There is no decisive relationship.
Poor girls vs rich girls
What is a good education?
About whether children should be poor or rich,
There was a movie called "Heidi and Grandpa" that deserves mention.
In the movie,
Little girl Heidi lost both parents since childhood,
At a young age, he lived with his aunt for 5 years.
One day,
My aunt is going to work,
So he planned to give her to his grandfather, who lived in the Alps.
This old man's personality is a little strange and withdrawn,
The first reaction to seeing them,
It turned out to be a "roll",
Then went back to the room and closed the door directly.
My aunt made up her mind to go to work,
So, sneaking away.
That night, Heidi was left to sleep alone in the sheepfold.
On the surface,
The fate of this little girl is turbulent,
But miraculously,
Even so,
Her joy and vitality have never been lost.
The next day, she woke up,
The beauty of the snow-capped mountains fascinated her,
She ran happily through the wilderness.
In nature,
She seemed to have become her own master.
And her innocence also touched Grandpa,
So Heidi stayed in the Alps.
Days in the mountains,
She also made a good friend, Pete, a cowherd.
Together, they lived a primitive and simple life.
Compared to Heidi's life,
Another girl,
It looks like it is a lot of "expensive".
The girl Clara was born in Fugui,
Very well taken care of from an early age,
Educated in princess-like etiquette.
But in this family,
Clara was not happy.
just right
Because of Heidi's arrival,
She found a different way of life:
Don't understand table manners,
Heidi, who didn't even sit properly
It's even possible to be so comfortable.
She also found:
Heidi is very different from the people around her,
She has no sense of hierarchy,
Never make a servant,
Instead, I like to chat with them;
I don't understand a single letter,
I don't love to learn yet...
But this did not prevent her from being relaxed and happy.
Because of Heidi's appearance,
Clara discovered a different kind of happiness in life,
The heart that was once bound by the house rules,
It also began to slowly gain its own vitality.
Poor girls bring the light of life to rich girls.
Poverty is not terrible
What is terrible is the barrenness of the heart
I once received a letter of help from a single mother,
The letter reads:
Watching the mothers around them busy adding weight to their children,
Spend money on piano lessons, equestrian lessons,
Some will also send their children to ballet classes,
In fact, I think my daughter can also learn these courses.
But first of all, I didn't have the economic strength.
Secondly, she didn't like it very much.
What kind of education do I want to give girls, you say?
After reading her letter,
I feel the same way.
Let the child go to the best cram school,
Get an aristocratic elite education,
It seems to be a premise that makes a girl better.
Lu Xiaoman during the Republic of China period was a well-known celebrity at that time.
She was born into a materially rich family,
Her parents saw her as a jewel in the palm of their hands.
Give her the most aristocratic education,
Take her to meet all kinds of celebrities,
Send her to learn poetry and song,
I want to cultivate her into a perfect girlie.
Even if you grow up in such an environment,
But she is also in adulthood,
Sliding to the other extreme.
Growing up in a rich environment,
After marriage,
She never worked.
Living a life of jealousy and luxury,
Pass the day by socializing and smoking cigarettes.
Life for her,
Appear empty and powerless.
So, what exactly determines the vitality of a child?
A post-80s female writer named Li Juan is worth mentioning.
Because, she has a very magical upbringing.
She is from Sichuan
After dropping out of high school,
Went to the Northern Altay region of Xinjiang to accompany my mother,
Followed her mother to open grocery stores in villages and pastoral areas,
Make a living doing small business.
For a long time,
Even the cities rarely set foot.
And this girl who has been living in the desert Arctic wasteland,
But by their own life experience,
On the pieces of paper collected everywhere,
Write about her life like no other in dense words.
Her sensitivity to life is really enviable,
Simple and straightforward ethnic minority farmers and herdsmen,
Naughty and naturally messy children, small animals,
They are all written by her with great fun and full of life.
Liu Liangcheng, a famous writer in Xinjiang, found her.
Her first work was published under the title Nine Pieces of Snow.
Liu Liangcheng said:
It is precisely because of her gratitude and novelty for the survival instinct,
One man faces the whole mountain steppe,
She wrote a different kind of genius-like living text. ”
All education cannot be used for one purpose,
That is – supporting the growth of the child's inner spirit.
Knowledge and skills are not the whole story of education.
Observation, curiosity, enthusiasm for life,
It is a child's continuous motivation for life.
As a parent
How to protect your child's vitality?
Rich Girls,
It's not necessary to package her as a princess.
Nor was it to give her ornate costumes and an aristocratic education.
Instead, it is necessary to give her a strong spiritual support.
Give her sensitive sensitivity,
Give her the love of life,
Give her an inexhaustible curiosity.
When she walked into this bustling society alone one day,
It still has a strong vitality.
adoptive daughter,
Don't forget these points:
● Bring girls into contact with nature.
In the movie,
Heidi looked up at the mountains,
Listen to the birds singing,
A person quietly feels the flow of time...
At that time,
Her whole being was caught by nature.
She was with herself at that time,
This feeling is the best healing for the pain of life,
It is also the most useful way to maintain sensitivity and creativity.
Long ago, psychologists have shown that:
The benefits of childhood exposure to the natural environment,
It will be directly reflected in better mental health conditions in adulthood.
Nature has a healing effect on people's emotions and body,
Landscapes of vegetation and water,
Human beings will have a natural recognition of themselves,
It will also be closer to their original intentions,
Return to your true self.
● Girls are allowed to "break the rules".
In the process of growing up,
We will teach our children,
Girls should look like girls,
But if these "forbidden areas" are too strict,
Instead, they will shackle the child's nature.
It's actually good to let the children be wild.
Because, the sense of power of "breaking through the forbidden zone",
In fact, it is a kind of life force in the girl.
Writer Virginia Woolf said:
"Great souls are hermaphrodites".
There should be exploration and adventure,
Girls should be allowed to try.
A pot of potted plants that are carefully trimmed and protected,
Maybe it looks good,
But they can't stand the wind and rain,
A savagely growing "wildflower",
Although experienced more complicated weather
But it has a stronger vitality,
It's also more likely.
● Let girls learn to read and write.
Girls have more sensitive and subtle feelings about life,
Teach her the way to express her inner emotions,
Learn to talk to yourself,
It will directly determine whether her growth path is smooth or not.
The female writer Hongying came from a poor background,
Her family of eight was crammed into two rooms that were not twenty square meters.
Because of the particularity of the environment and the times,
Poverty and suffering became an indelible childhood impression in Rainbow Shadow's memory.
She said simply and directly in her autobiography:
"No matter what, I have to have a dream,
Even if you grasp an impossible dream. ”
She began to write poems and articles.
Importantly,
Reading and writing for her,
It is a weapon to constantly correct the direction of self-growth,
It is also a weapon of resistance to fate.
It's this habit,
She found the place of the heart,
Found the purpose of life,
Entered a more abundant and abundant life.
Rather than making a girl perfect,
Rather than letting her receive the most aristocratic education,
It is better to take her to feel the diversity of the world,
It is better to let her learn to ask herself questions:
What kind of person do you want to be in this life?
As long as she finds herself,
Retained enough pure nature,
She will not easily surrender to the present life,
will live a rich and wonderful life,
It is also the fundamental motivation for a child to achieve all his goals.
—— End ——
Author: Chen June, a national third-level psychological counselor. Some of the pictures are from the Internet, and the copyright belongs to the original author.