For the past two years, I have been watching a movie repeatedly: Heidi and Grandpa.
Every time you watch, there are different gains:
The first time to see from the child's point of view, moved;
The second time from the perspective of a parent, enlightened;
The third time I looked at it from the perspective of a psychologist, I was shocked.
The film is at a high score of 9.3 on Douban, the picture of the film is pleasant, and more importantly, the metaphor behind it - what does a child need to be nourished in the process of growing up to develop a healthy personality? After watching this movie, I summarized 5 important "gets".
01
The story of a "steady presence" in nature begins in Switzerland, in the vast and beautiful Alps. Heidi was running in the wilderness, and a goshawk hovered between the mountains.
Freedom is the first word that comes to my mind. But on the contrary, Heidi at this moment, life is not free. As a child, she was abandoned 3 times before and after the death of her parents, Heidi became an orphan, which was the first abandonment. So she grew up living with her aunt down the mountain for 5 years. But my aunt had recently been offered a job in the city and was going to send her up the hill to her grandfather's house, whom she had never met— the second abandonment. Grandpa was a strange, withdrawn, horrible old man who didn't welcome Heidi at all, and when he saw them coming, the first thing he said was, "Get out!" Turned and closed the door. The cruel aunt left Heidi alone and sneaked away. That night, she couldn't even get into her grandfather's hut, so she had to sleep alone in the sheepfold. It was the third abandonment she had experienced. For a small child, such multiple abandonments are a huge injury. But miraculously, this does not seem to hinder Heidi's happiness and vitality. When she woke up in the morning, she was fascinated by the beauty of the Alps, and in the blink of an eye she ran happily in the wilderness. In the family affection, little Heidi is upside down, but in nature, she seems to have become her own master.
Psychologically speaking, children who have run fully in nature are physically stronger and more optimistic. This gives them a "natural approval" of their existence. This immersion in nature and the self-recognition that comes with it can resist the intrusion of some of the trauma of reality. Heidi looked up at the mountains, listened to the birds singing, slept on the grass alone and quietly felt the flow of time... At that time, she was with herself and was not "disturbed" by external circumstances. This feeling is "settling in the depths of our own hearts", which is also what we often call "self-treatment". Regardless of the external situation, she can easily and happily be with her true self. At this time, the Alps firmly caught the injured Heidi and became a cure.
02
A fortuitous chance to gain the belief of "believing in yourself" in the eyes of his loved ones, Pete, who herds sheep together, tells Heidi a terrible news: Grandpa has killed people. When Heidi returned home, she saw that Grandpa's eyes had changed, and she wanted to go back to the sheepfold with her luggage. Grandpa guessed why, and instead of losing his temper or explaining, he looked Heidi in the eye and said to her, "People always like to talk about bad things, but you need to decide whether to believe your eyes and ears or believe other people's words." ”
Listening to this, Heidi stood where she was and looked at Grandpa. After a while, she jumped up and hugged Grandpa tightly—she chose to believe him. Grandpa's words to Heidi have two meanings: People always like to pay attention to the "bad things" in you, don't be gullible. What you have to believe is your own judgment. There is a concept in psychology called "self-fulfilling prophecy"—the more you believe something, the more likely you are to achieve something. If people wear a pessimistic filter and look for the bad side of life, they will definitely be able to find it. On the contrary, you have to look for the love and beauty of life, and you can always find evidence. The key is what you feel and what do you believe? So Grandpa asked Heidi: Do you want to trust the eyes of others, or do you believe in your own eyes? This is also the second meaning - to give children the freedom to think independently and choose independently. Normal parents, in the face of Heidi's reaction, may tell her the facts or answers directly. But it is undoubtedly more powerful to guide her to "find her own voice" from outside voices than to "give the answer". Heidi chose to listen to herself and expressed her trust and love for her grandfather. In this freedom of "I can believe in myself", Heidi's love and trust for her grandfather did not become suppressed, blocked or distorted by other people's voices. The two grandchildren have also become closer. The next morning, Grandpa personally made a new chair for Heidi, which meant that Grandpa also officially accepted the granddaughter.
03
Heidi and Grandpa, who have the right to "break through the forbidden zone" from authority, have just established a relationship, but their aunt has returned. This time she tricked Heidi away from her grandfather and smuggled her into town, selling her into an old castle and working as a maid for a rich lady. Heidi's life once again faces overthrow and reconstruction. This time, she is confronted by the rich lady Clara and the harsh and stereotypical housekeeper. Although you are a rich lady, but her mother died, Clara was too sad, and gradually, her legs could not stand. Her father worked outside the home for many years, and she lived alone with housekeepers and servants. Therefore, she not only has limited mobility, but also lies in a lonely depression mentally. In order to alleviate her loneliness, her family bought Heidi to accompany her to live and study.
In the face of the depressed Clara and the lifeless mansion, Heidi is out of place. She is lively, enthusiastic, and always breaks the rules of the housekeeper, but unexpectedly, she brings Clara a smile that has not been seen for a long time. But these smiles happen in all of Heidi's "unruly" moments—
She doesn't understand table manners and can't even sit properly;
She doesn't make servants and likes to chat with them;
She doesn't understand a single letter, and she doesn't like to learn...
She also pushed Clara out of the house without permission, walked to the dirty street, and came home with a litter of newborn stray cats in her arms... Can make the housekeeper angry. Heidi's behavior, in psychology, is called the ability to "break through the forbidden zone", which is a very important self-ability in children. Our lives are always full of all kinds of "forbidden areas" - and most of the forbidden areas are disciplined and implied by authorities from an early age. For example, you must sit in a neat posture, you must bow, you must not talk about sex, you must not talk about death, you must not go against the wishes of your parents... These "forbidden areas" formed in past experience often bring us contradictions - many things we want to do but dare not, suppress and desire at the same time, unable to live consistently inside and outside. Clara herself is a symbol of this taboo, her movements sealed by her legs, and her mind imprisoned by rules. Heidi, on the other hand, does not have any forbidden bonds, and because of this, all her expressions come from the heart, out of the essence of love in her heart. The vitality of acting because of love melts the stereotypes of the surrounding environment. Clara and Heidi formed a sharp contrast, one rich, gloomy, and unvigorated; one poor, wild, full of exuberant power. Heidi's arrival lifted the seal for Clara — her most primitive vitality was infused into Clara's life and into Clara's heart. The so-called "barbaric growth force" is actually this ability to break through limitations and break through the framework. No matter how much "impossible" you have been told in past life, when a person has the ability to break through certain taboos, "full self-expression" is possible.
04
The curiosity of the world to get "good authority guidance" is gently ignited If in the movie, Heidi's psychic task is to bring Clara "freedom", then Clara's psychic task is to lead Heidi to break through her "limitations" - the class and vision of birth. Heidi accompanied Clara to class, but since she had never been to school, she didn't even know what the alphabet was. The housekeeper looked down on Heidi and thought she was an uncultured and impolite wild child. But luckily, Heidi meets Clara's grandmother, a wise old man. Once, she took the opportunity to tell Heidi a bedtime story and talked to her about reading and reading. It turned out that Heidi, who had been learning to read, was not because she was too stupid, but because she had heard the sheep herders in the Alps say that our children in the mountains did not need to read, and it was enough to herd sheep. It was this notion that made Heidi feel that learning was not important. Grandma listened to what Heidi said, and instead of denying her, she said, "People don't necessarily have to believe what others say." Then she read to Heidi the story of herding sheep in the book, but she deliberately stopped reading the key point, and Heidi wanted to listen to it. Grandma seized the opportunity and said to Heidi: If you want to know, you have to read the book yourself.
Guided by her grandmother, Heidi finally picked up the book and began to stutter and learn to read. Since then, she has developed a strong interest in learning, and the amazing speed of learning has surprised both tutors and housekeepers. Maybe that's exactly what a good education is all about—at the right time, Clara's grandmother follows Heidi into her world first, and then leads her into the larger world. Gently and skillfully, without persecution, find her power source, ignite the flame in the child's heart, and then let her own curiosity lead her forward.
05
The longer Heidi stayed at Clara's house with the "You Can Be Different" permission, the more she missed her Alpine home, and gradually she even began to sleepwalk. At the strong recommendation of the family doctor, Clara's dad sent Heidi home. When she returned to her grandfather's house, Heidi was overjoyed, but as time went on, she began to miss Clara again. So she wrote to Clara inviting her to be a guest. The mountains are long and the water is far away, and Grandma actually brought Clara, who is unable to walk, to her home on Heidi Hill and let her live here. Clara, who came out of the castle, slept with Heidi in a grass-made bed, drinking her own milk of the goats, without any table manners, without high-end coats and boots, and without the care of a servant butler.
Heidi also took her to herd sheep, flowers, butterflies, and everything a "wild child" should do every day. During that time, Clara always had a smile on her face, and her vitality was restored day by day... Finally she magically got out of her wheelchair and stood up.
After Clara's "physical restrictions" are lifted, Heidi's "class seal" is also lifted. Heidi went to school. Once the teacher asked the children to write their ideals. Some of the children in the mountains wrote, "I'm going to be a blacksmith because my dad is a blacksmith," or, "I'm going to be a shepherd." Heidi is different, she has gone out of the mountains, has been to the city, and heard the wise grandmother tell bedtime stories, so Heidi wrote "I want to be a storyteller." However, this ideal has been ridiculed by everyone. While Heidi was distressed, Clara's grandmother came to Heidi and told her:
They laugh at you because they know so little, because they only know the village.
But you've seen other parts of the world, haven't you?
If something in your life makes you happy, do it and don't care what others say.
Grandma gave Heidi a pen and a notebook and told her, "There's nothing in the book now, you have to fill it up yourself." "I think everyone needs a warm mentor in their lives, who tells him this truth again and again:
"Do whatever you want, do."
"Don't be afraid to laugh."
"You can be different from others."
People will experience limiting their own cognition, and people around them will also determine their own insights. Just as Clara had no idea what freedom and vitality were, because she had never experienced it before, her vitality was suppressed by strict discipline and circumstance. Heidi was surrounded by sheep herders and carpenters, and she never knew that she could be different from them and become someone else and better.
Sometimes, children only need some first-hand experience: just as Heidi has experienced the wonders of books, Clara has been conquered by the wilderness life of the Alps. They all find parts of themselves to complete themselves in an experience that transcends the limits of birth. The only thing adults have to do is to put "more possibilities" in front of them and stimulate their imagination of the future. When Clara and Heidi both see that "I can be different from others," their fate could really change.
06
Written in the end today we always say in education, "To realize our own potential, to transcend class." So we did a lot of "addition", brushing questions, various interest classes, all kinds of development and quality training... But this film tells us that all education is not worth one education, that is, to support the growth of the child's inner spiritual body. This inner spiritual entity can be seen as a combination of developing personality traits, which includes - the innate spiritual embryo contains all the good nature, unique talents, curiosity, trust in the self, positive belief, inexhaustible motivation for self-integrity... Through these, we can learn to be independent, have our own judgments, and be able to break through the shackles at the right time and get along with the world with strength. To borrow a phrase from Chinese medicine, this process of developing self-subjectivity is to "correct and dispel evil" - to correct is to let these "innate positive qualities" bloom within us; to dispel evil is to subtract the day after tomorrow, to subtract the "restrictive experience" we add to it. For example, the ideas that others tell us; the restrictions that culture, the environment, and class give us; and the mechanical etiquette and conventions—things that suppress vitality. The essence of the soul is to fly, it is unstoppable. It's like the eagle soaring in the Alps many times in the movie. Parenting is not the same as education; learning knowledge is not equal to education. The movie tells us that true education is enlightenment - a person can know himself and find a complete path, which is the success of education.